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Am I self sabotaging?


[Lu...]

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Hi

I’m 3.5 weeks off Valium CT. Took for 2-3 years 10mg once sometimes twice a week. Never more.

I’ve not yet experienced any physical symptoms of stopping (for which after reading people’s stories I feel incredibly grateful) however I am suffering with insomnia - fall asleep fine but wake and can’t get back to sleep. Feel very anxious/panicky due to the insomnia. Do you think this is due to actual withdrawal considering I have no other symptoms or just down to regular anxiety I’ve caused scaring myself reading withdrawal stories. Some nights I’ll have a decent sleep and think I’m better then it’ll come back again. 4 doctors have told me now I am not withdrawing but I have an anxiety disorder.

 

My GP prescribed Remeron but I haven’t taken it as yet as loathed to get dependant on anything.

 

I know I’m in a place many people on here would love to be and my problems seem trivial compared to many going through constant hell on here. I want to send everyone love and strength in coming through their ordeal.

 

Thanks

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An administrator may be able to give you better insight.

 

Remeron from my experience and from what I heard is risky. I kindled badly on it. I'm not trying to scary you. I read it helped for a few people but majority I hear is bad. The Remeron support forum is pretty active from what I see. It can be really rough on you and hard to get off.

 

None of my doctors know what withdrawal is. They say it doesn't exist or it only last two weeks because that is what they are told/taught. I only heard of a few people who's doctors acknowledge it. If you found one you are lucky.

 

If this happened after you got off the meds and you didn't have these symptoms before the meds its probably withdrawal.

 

If all you have is one symptom that is a good sign. You will probably heal from that over time.

 

Have you tried melatonin? It is known to be more gentle. People in Withdrawal will take lower doses because we are now sensitive. I take 0.5mg. If you take too much for your body melatonin can actually keep you awake. Start small and increase.

 

It is general considered a bad idea to take drugs to cover up Withdrawal symptoms. It very well could add more problems as your brain is trying to heal. Some people get to the point where their symptoms are so bad they don't have a choice.

 

Some people don't know not to do that and end up in a bad place.

 

I know many people who have not slept for two years. They closed their eyes and lived off micro sleep.

 

If you can function and sleep well enough I would avoid messing with things.

 

If you want to be safe stay away from alcohol and drugs. Your symptom my takes months to heal.

 

This is just my guess based on what you told me.

 

Thank you for your well wishes, most all of us need all we can get.

 

Best wishes

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Thank you for taking the time out to reply. I’ve worked out the amount I’ve taken on average over the past 3 months would be equal to about 1mg a day. Although I didn’t take them everyday as I’ve said. I’d inadvertently reduced my dose anyway as I hadn’t been on many late shifts (I never took them otherwise) would restarting at 1mg a day be an idea to help with the anxiety and insomnia? Or a bad idea at this stage. Finding this all so confusing and terrifying
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I believe you may be dealing with some benzo related insomnia but given your limited use, I feel your sleep will come back on its own.  It might be a good idea to avoid reading stories here because your story isn't typical and I hate to see you comparing yourself to them.

 

I'm not sure if your intention is to reinstate and stay on the drug or taper from it but either way I feel it's a bad idea.  Your use was so minimal it doesn't make sense to go back on and taper, it would not relieve your insomnia or anxiety.  If your purpose of reinstating is to stay on the drug long term then you may be setting yourself up for dependence in the future which will put you back here again, only worse.

 

I agree with ThatOneGirlStitch that adding another medication at this point probably isn't the best idea, I feel you're close to full recovery. 

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Thank you for your reply. I really hope you’re right. I desperately don’t want to take a benzo again. Reading the stories on here makes me sure that it’s the right thing to do. I had no idea these meds were dangerous until reading up. Shame it took a couple of years to read up  :idiot:

 

I’m really touched that people suffering so much would bother to come on here and give me reassurance for something that must seem trivial. So thank you

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I would strongly encourage you not to take 1mg/day or anything similar. This is what I was doing and it seems like such a tiny amount and it got me into a lot of trouble after doing it for some time. If all you're experiencing right now is insomnia, you're in a good situation, like the others have said. You can always take small doses of benadryl or unisom once in a while if you really need to sleep. Even that is WAY better than messing with the benzos. Melatonin can be very helpful. Folks on here turned me on to a supplement called Herbatonin that you can try. Good luck and glad you got out of this mess before it became a real mess!
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Thanks! I haven’t restarted, going on for 5 weeks now. No plans to reinstate at all. I’m functioning pretty well. It’s just the anxiety. Is it actually possible to ‘withdraw’ at this infrequent level of use? I imagine it’s not very common. I’m just trying to work out if this is ‘anticipatory’ anxiety after reading poor folks awful stories or actual withdrawal. I wish there was a way to know.

 

Best wishes all

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I don't believe your anxiety is anticipatory, I'm positive your brain has realized the loss of the drug because even though your use was limited, it was long term. 

 

I never suffered from anxiety, I took them for sleep but once I withdrew, I had terrible anxiety and from what I've read here, the anxiety the drug produces when it turns on us is more intense than normal anxiety.  Can you tell us why you were prescribed it, was it for anxiety and if so, does this feel the same to you?

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I’ve always been reactively anxious though, although it’s never interrupted my life before. When I decided I wasn’t going to bother with the Valium anymore it wasn’t a big deal to me but then once I got on the internet that’s when the MAJOR anxiety started when I realised actually this could be and is a very big deal for a lot of people. Plan going forward is to not read anymore stories, be grateful it’s not worse and crack ok  :thumbsup: I’ll probably never know the reason for the anxiety and it’s probably a combination of factors.
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This process makes us hypervigilant and this can have detrimental effects on our attitude and health, your plan sounds healthy, I like it.
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I think you are doing great! I do believe it is complication's from withdrawal and that your brain will figure it out in the next couple of month's. I use melatonin sometime's. It doesn't affect the gaba receptor's so it won't set you back. But your body can become used to it quickly. So I would only use it if you really need some good sleep.
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Thanks both!

Think I’m sleeping a little better, anxious in the morning weirdly but it tends to wax and wane but generally get better throughout the day. The weird thing is over the years stopped for 3-4 weeks at a time a few times without even thinking about it when I’ve been on holiday and not working. I’ve not thought any thing of it and had no issues whatsoever, they were only ever for after my late shift at work where I just couldn’t seem to sleep after it. They were handy, they worked and they didn’t seem to cause me any issues. I only stopped after having a quick google and then being HORRIFIED, sick, shaking and generally scared to death about what might be to come. I spent some whole days putting over awful horror stories. Almost traumatising myself over something that probably wasn’t going to happen. Anyway 5 weeks down the line. I don’t think I’ve had an ‘acute phase’ as such if I have it’s not been too bad. I imagine there’s some others out there that do the same, hopefully I can advise/reassure them in the future.

 

Best wishes all

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We're always happy when someone can get through this with only minor symptoms, and it would be great if you could provide more balance on the forum so others like yourself won't be so afraid so whatever you can give is great.

 

It's important to know going forward that many can stop taking these drugs without problems until they can't.  We have people join who are surprised when this happens so just a word to the wise, your good luck may not hold if you decide to start taking them again.  :)

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Yes definitely. This has been/still is a huge wake up call. The anxiety and sleep problems have been unpleasant. These medications are definitely not to be messed with. I’ll repost in time, hopefully feeling well to give others hope and a different kind of story
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