I can’t do this anymore

Please pray for me x I need ur strength I’m hurting so bad  :'(

I just want my life back. I only need a few hours a night and I’d never complain. Please god release me.

 

What am I doing wrong I don’t understand

 

I know there’s nothing anyone can do to help me. I just feel my hope ebbing away.

Sorry Shay,

 

Praying for you now.  You're not doing anything wrong.  Better days are ahead.  Believe and receive...

I wish I could wave a "magic" wand and get you 3-4 hours every night (for now) and more later!

Thanku so much x he’s no listening to me  :'(

Thanku so much x he’s no listening to me  :'(

 

It definitely feels like he's not listening when we're suffering this badly.  I felt like he was angry with me during the early days of Covid.  I was just not capable of feeling any kind of help from him at all most days.  He does let us get to the end of our tether sometimes.  But it will change. 

shayna, hang in there. I can feel the pain in your post. You are not doing anything wrong. I wish I knew of anything that might help.

 

I really wish in medicine we had more cures for things with pills that bother ppl rather than take this pill forever for long-term management. Taking Rx drugs for a lifetime usually never turns out good.

 

If there was only some way to fool the brain and fast track the withdrawal / recovery process. Better yet, when ppl who are not on benzos go to a doctor asking for help with things like severe depression, anxiety, panic, insomnia, etc....it would be wonderful if we knew the exact cause of what is causing the person's distress and could offer a cure after some short-term treatment. There has to be a reason for everything, even if you have a genetic predisposition for the thing that is bothering you. We just don't know yet. A lot of mental health illnesses are still not fully understood even tho we have plausible theories.

 

I would love to come back after death and walk the earth 200 years from today (just for one day) to see how much modern medicine has advanced.

I’m laying on my couch feeling utterly exhausted. I keep having these little nod offs then adrenaline surges when I feel like I’m falling.

 

Anti benzo how long was ur insomnia bad for? I feel like no ones is still as bad as mine this far in

I’m laying on my couch feeling utterly exhausted. I keep having these little nod offs then adrenaline surges when I feel like I’m falling.

 

Anti benzo how long was it insomnia bad for? I feel like no ones is still as bad as mine this far in

 

I know exactly what you mean about the adrenaline surges just when you are ready to nod off and it really sucks.  Shayna, a lot of people are opposed to yet another med but I finally asked for an Rx for Trazodone.  I only take about 1/8th of a pill and it is probably the placebo effect but I think it helped.  I was so used to taking something to sleep - 21 years of benzos and before that it was Benadryl until it didn't work any longer either.

What if I’ve done too much damage.

What if I’ve done too much damage.

 

Shayna, if I can let Klonopin 3mg/day go after 21 years and adjust to sleeping without it, you can do the same.  You mind is playing tricks on you but mine did, too, and I had the same fear!

ThNku Kate. I was doing so well before this setback. I have to go back to work soon so I need to get it together soon. I always think I wasn’t taking them as long as others why am I having so much trouble. I never took them every night until the wheels fell off the wagon 3 years ago

I only took  them very occasionally , then only took them every night for about 3 years tiny amount , 1/4 tablet a night, seems no logic as to why some of us get protracted. Yet to pass go , or experience normality. Sure it's not a relapse as you were functioning pretty well, sounds like  side effect from the covid, that will pass, as you recover from it.

What if I’ve done too much damage.

 

I had a time when 6mg of Melatonin would not knock me out. But I ended up adding and adding things until I WAS able to sleep.

 

What supplements have you tried so far?

 

I think it's very strange that Unisom will work for you sometimes, and other times it will not. It seems you got a bit of sleep with Melatonin, but the 2nd time it did not work.

 

Is your brain healing one day, and busted the other? And repeat?

I hope so leann. So hard to keep positive when u feel like there’s no progress. I’m so sorry ur still struggling too x

What if I’ve done too much damage.

 

I had a time when 6mg of Melatonin would not knock me out. But I ended up adding and adding things until I WAS able to sleep.

 

What supplements have you tried so far?

 

I think it's very strange that Unisom will work for you sometimes, and other times it will not. It seems you got a bit of sleep with Melatonin, but the 2nd time it did not work.

 

Is your brain healing one day, and busted the other? And repeat?

 

Mag, kava, tryptophan, 5 htp and bunch of herbal remedies. Adenosine. Valerian

 

Are u saying I don’t believe me andros? I don’t understand this post. I wish I knew why things don’t work. Maybe my brain is busted. Sure feels like it

What if I’ve done too much damage.

 

I had a time when 6mg of Melatonin would not knock me out. But I ended up adding and adding things until I WAS able to sleep.

 

What supplements have you tried so far?

 

I think it's very strange that Unisom will work for you sometimes, and other times it will not. It seems you got a bit of sleep with Melatonin, but the 2nd time it did not work.

 

Is your brain healing one day, and busted the other? And repeat?

 

Mag, kava, tryptophan, 5 htp and bunch of herbal remedies. Adenosine. Valerian

 

Are u saying I don’t believe me andros? I don’t understand this post. I wish I knew why things don’t work. Maybe my brain is busted. Sure feels like it

 

Well my question is a bit rhetorical. Let's look at some facts:

 

1. Unisom has worked for you before. Not only that, but you have used up to 2 tabs, and then after a few weeks, 1/2 a tab works for you. This means your body has reset tolerance to it back to normal.

2. Melatonin worked for you at 4mg, which is still a relatively low dosage (There are people taking 10mg for years).

 

To me that's saying your brain IS capable of sleeping, maybe not yet on its own, but we have certainly proven that with some help, you CAN sleep.

 

So let's add the Covid thing: Even normal people find it hard to sleep when they get the flu. It's not that your brain is not working. It's that it has to deal with the side effects of the disease while its fighting it.

 

So it's not that I don't believe you. Rather, it's that I'm trying to give you some hope that you are NOT damaged. It's impossible for your brain to be up and down.

I think, psychologically it could be hurting you too though. I remember during the day time, I'd be exhausted, but thinking about other things. As soon as I went to bed, right away, the fear of not sleeping. I started to deal with that fear by doing crazy breathing exercises, controlled breathing, sometimes for 2hr or 3hr at a time. Typical for me was to go to bed at 11pm, but not actually fall asleep until 5am or 6am, and get 3hr. But after 2 weeks of breathing every night, I shocked myself when I'd fall asleep at 1am, and wake up at 6am. So I kept on doing it. Even now I still do about 10-15min while in bed.

I’m sorry I realise I must sound like a lunatic. It’s just soul destroying. 2 weeks ago I’d been off unisom  for 7 weeks now I’m back to this crap again. I don’t want to take anything. I’m over all this

 

Like I said if I could get back to my baseline of 18 hrs without anything I’d be so happy

I can feel you Shayna, I am in the same agony , insomnia is killing me too! At  19 months out I am still going through multiple night with zero sleep with adrenaline, cortisol and anxiety surging alternately. Its too painful ! I cried, screamed at night a lot but  I will never give up , I want my life back and I will fight for it !! I am sending you much love , please know that you are not fighting this alone !! Hope you are getting  some sleep tonight

I’m so sorry to hear that rainbow. I sure hope it lets up for is soon. X it’s the absolute worst symptom in my mind. Not getting a break ever is too much x

I’m sorry I realise I must sound like a lunatic. It’s just soul destroying. 2 weeks ago I’d been off unisom  for 7 weeks now I’m back to this crap again. I don’t want to take anything. I’m over all this

 

Like I said if I could get back to my baseline of 18 hrs without anything I’d be so happy

 

I'm not afraid to take what I know won't hurt me. I too, got sick a few days ago, and add the caffeine induced headaches I was getting, and I've had a couple of rough nights (sleeping only 3hr). But I just 3mg melatonin for 2 days, and then 20mg cannabis for another 2 days, and I was able to sleep 6hr those 4 days, as I heal from this. I have zero worry it's the "z-drug", as when I have my ducks in a row, I sleep about the same as I used to before this whole BS (which for me, is about 7hr)

I’m so sorry to hear that rainbow. I sure hope it lets up for is soon. X it’s the absolute worst symptom in my mind. Not getting a break ever is too much x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe because you can't physically do much because of the covid your sleep has got worse. Sure it will improve as you start to recover. I think sometimes sleep meds can be hit and miss. I've found in the past if I was very stressed the zop wouldn't work. Sometimes subconciously you think they won't work which can make a difference as  to how effective they are. Big hugs.

shayna, I noticed that you have been off the Valium for a little over a year and the zopiclone for about 2 years.  It's possible you're still going through w/d from them.  I had alot of those adrenaline surges too at about that time off and had trouble sleeping and then they went away.  It'll get better and eventually you'll be sleeping well.   

Lovely, I promise your brain isn’t busted.  Your body & kind have just been through a war after COVID. Setbacks sucks big time but this won’t last forever - it really won’t.  Is there anyway you can take more leave from work to just be without that extra stress? I know that it’s not going to be the answer but it could give you a little breathing space.  This is just a hurdle honey - it’s not forever. You haven’t done too much damage & your brain isn’t busted - these are lies your benzo brain is trying to make you swallow.  It’s been over 7 months I think since you jumped - I know there has been so

Much time before that too.  I know it doesn’t feel like you are progressing but you are - you really are.  I remember not long ago that unisom did absolutely nothing to

Increase your sleep - you had to stack it with other things to get some sleep.  Now unisom is bringing you some sleep - granted not nearly enough but it is bringing you some - this is not dismissing the torment you are going through on any way or undermining the way you are feeling.  It’s not fair, it’s not right but I promise you it is going to be ok - it’s not going to be like this forever.  It’s going to be ok - a good nights sleep will come back - it will - it will - it just will.  Big love to you - just keep breathing - one breath at a time - that’s all you gotta do - just keep on breathing xxx

When I was in the thick of my WD, I was also on another Benzo/Rx drug recovery site.  Point of Return.  My name on that site was Iwantmylifeback.  I think that's all anyone really wants. 

Insomnia is, IMO, the WORST symptom of all of the symptoms I had and I had around 15 different symptoms at one point or another.

 

Shay, this sucks and it's totally unfair.  No one should have to endure this, but we do.  Just keep giving insomnia the MIDDLE FINGER.  You're in control.  Don't let that bastard win!  You'll get past this!  Sometimes sleep gets worse for some before it gets better.  That happened for me and many others on this site.

 

I don't know why (and neither does anyone else) some people get hit way harder with insomnia (or another symptom)?  It's OK to not feel OK and get frustrated!  You're not alone, we are all here to pray for and support you!  Your story isn't over...and one day you'll get to write a success story!  Hold on...better days are ahead!

 

 

Thanku for the support x I don’t know what I’d do without all of u x