Message of HOPE from Miss Fortitude!

This is a message sent to me from Miss F!

I don't come onto benzo buddies that often anymore. I think we get to a point where we realize it's better for us to stay off of all withdrawal forums. This happened for me around 30 months. It was a bit uncomfortable for about a week to not open up bb and look around, but soon it was obvious that I needed to stay away therefore it was easy to leave it. I think it's important to do this at some point, but that time is different for everyone. Everyone will know in their own unique time when they are ready to give the boards a break.

I needed the boards too. We all do. We need people to chat with who are in this with us. The support groups are VERY important. Just remember that when you're ready give it a shot, take a break.

I want to tell you that it gets better. We have to put the time in. I started to see more marked improvement around my 30th month. I didn't straight suffer for 30 months. Like everyone else, after acute I had highs and lows, but around 30 months I started to feel like my old self again more and more.

I had a wave just before that during late summer/early fall. That wave lasted around 50 days. It brought on my disequalbrium/boatiness/dizziness symtom pretty bad. I had to use a cane when out of the house. That symptom (which has come & gone throughout this) is the one I've dealt with most.  (I did have both mental & physical in my withdrawal). During this wave, I also was weak, and had some benzo flu here & there. Although, I did notice that it was a bit different than the previous waves. Different in the fact that as I struggled through it, I felt more hopeful than I had in my previous waves. Don't get me wrong it was rough, but I knew I'd get through. Perhaps I learned more acceptance because I was at a point in my healing, where through past experience, I knew that as time goes on, the waves aren't as bad. Perhaps because I was healed more than I was during the previous waves. - I'm sure it's for both reasons, but during that last "I needed a cane" wave it was not like the waves before where I would feel so very hopeless.

I no longer needed the cane about 3 months ago now, and that wave ended. Since then I have felt the best that I have in the entire 2 1/2 years of my journey. I only get "boaty" if I overdue it, and I rest and it goes away. I can now shower without feeling like crap. I can bend over without getting dizzy for the first time in this entire ordeal. All of my other symptoms are totally gone, and there are just a few lingering (occasional fatigue, mild heart palps- like only 4 or 5 a day) that show up a few days a month, and these symptoms are gone in about an hour or so. My ears still ring 24/7, and my ears can feel kind of "slightly muffled" briefly from time to time, but it's faint and easy to ignore. I still take it easy and am gentle with myself.

This is why I am reaching out to you. I'm here to tell you to keep moving forward. It gets better, it really does.

I'm not ready to write a success story yet. I need to get more months behind me where I don't have major symptoms before I do that, and that could take a while before I'm ready.

Like most say...It really is true that you improve and think you're doing so much better, only to be pleasantly surprised that as even more time passes, you beat that previous mark, and feel better and better and better... This is such joyous news! Please hold onto that as you continue down your path if you run into any challenging days.

I don't recognize many people on the boards anymore, and that's good. People have healed and moved on, and many many people do not write success stories. They know they've healed and they don't want to come back. Since they healed themselves, they know firsthand that it's just a matter of time that everyone else will heal too. That's one reason why many don't bother to return to write success stories. You'd be surprised who doesn't come back to bb who've healed and moved on with life without writing a success story.

Also, we are all in the same boat as a group on this forum. Since it takes so long (like 3-6 month chunks) to see improvement it is like watching grass grow waiting for ourselves and those around us to get better. This can cause a feeling like we don't ever heal, but that's not true. This is a healing process, not a permanent illness. Even Dr.  Ashton said in her book that it can seem like some symptoms may be permanent, and people worry that this may be the case. She says not to worry because for some symptoms the healing is so slow that it SEEMS permanent, but it is not because the symptom slowly lessens over the months and years until it is finally gone. This is very true.

In closure... my message to you is a positive one. You'll see. You will. Wherever you are now, you will be so much better in 3 months, 6 months, a year. - Keeping treating yourself gently. Keep moving forward.

Feel free to share/copy and paste this PM anywhere on the forum, and anywhere, and with anyone and everyone if you'd like.

Hugs - Miss Fortitude

Thank you Upperleft for sharing this with everyone!

Miss

Thank you for offering hope.  As you know it’s all we have sometimes.  I am happy you continue to improve.  I myself am still more in it then out!  Peace and prayers!

U

Thank you Upper for posting this!

My main worst symptoms are the nearly the same as Fortitude’s. Boatiness and unbalanced. I’m now 19 months off. I REALLY needed to read this today as this milestone wave is kicking my butt! The boatiness and unbalanced is a bit scary today. I sooooo needed this reminder that being this far out it’s common to experience a more intense level of our worse symptoms. Major healing is happening. I’ll be so happy if this is my last big wave. In the meantime I’m distracting. Keeping strong. Staying grounded in positivity. Most importantly, I’m accepting this is how it goes but it’s temporary. Once again thanks for posting this. It’s great to read a success story similar to what you’re going through.

Best wishes to you and happy healed life of continued enjoyment for you Fortitude.