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Worse before it gets better!


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A number of us have been having really intense symptoms lately. Makes me wonder if this has gotten worse for us because we are getting to our final healing. I know for me I stopped having Windows after 9 months. So the last 10 and a half months I think I had barely a window. But the last month or so has been way more intense. I'm hoping all of us are getting near the final healing. Any thoughts?

 

LiveLife

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Hi LL, I have also noticed that there are quite a few of us in the same timeframe who are experiencing awful and rapid cycling symptoms.  I have read from different sources that this is possibly a sign that this is the last big wave before homeostasis is reached!!!!  Oh, how I wish this to be true! It is so unfair that when our bodies and minds are in a weakened state from a long, harsh BWD battle of many months, we are thrust back into an almost acute state.  This is simply inhumane and tortuous😱😱😱😱

 

I just keep hanging on to the memory of my wonderful windows as they are the true indicators that full healing does happen.

 

Hugs,

 

GG

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LiveLife:  I have been thinking about this as well.  It seems that lots of us around the 19-22 month timeframe are experiencing some intense symptoms.  I had a terrible night last night,  it was very much like the nights I had in the early day, waking up every few hours with intense anxiety and soaking wet.  I do think we are nearing the “end” or getting pretty darn close!  It is really hard to stay positive but I am trying!!!!
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GG, Sandy and Decatur,

 

I appreciate your thoughtful replies. This would just be so wonderful if we are headed into our final healing. Hoping and praying that this is the case. We have to keep the faith and stay strong and take one day at a time or one hour or minute at a time. I'm hoping we all turn the corner very very soon. Hugs!

 

LiveLife

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We must be getting to the end......where else is there to go????

 

Sandy, I had a very bad reaction to my first two Pfizer vaccines, and for my booster I was given the same strength as the first two.  Not so for the Moderna, which is given at a lower strength (my hubby got the Moderna and had not one symptom from any of his doses) than the first two.  Why that is I do not know.  I do know that I have not felt well since the end of November with more waves than windows.  I am only now beginning to feel more stable and in a pretty good window.  Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

 

Hugs,

 

GG

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GG,

 

It's a very good point we have to be coming to the end of this journey very soon. I like that positive thinking. Thank you! And hugs,

 

LiveLife

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I am determined that we will all get there!  It is so lovely in the windows, truly almost like Xanadu, and now that I have tasted and breathed it, I will do everything in my power to get there and stay there!!!!!!!

 

GG

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GG,

 

That really sounds good. I'm so looking for a window to find me. I would be so happy. But I'm also looking forward to about 10 at night when I get a bit of a reprieve and I'm hoping that it comes tonight because I've been struggling all day. It's great that you've gotten so many windows and I think they're returning for you. Hugs!

 

LiveLife

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I am in the same boat as you and I am so sorry for everyone who is going through this! After a period of more manageable months and hope returning I was slammed intensely and worse than acute (which was still pretty bad).

 

I am praying everyday, please universe let this be the last wave to end all waves. The final battle with the beast. It feels so intense because as you said, after being 16 months in a very rough shape, the body isn’t as strong and everything is felt 1000%. I keep hoping that my spirit is strong enough.

 

I have heard about these 16-20 month waves. And that after that the healing started to escalate quite rapidly with a few odd waves thrown in from time to time but nowhere near as intense. Ah, my waves were SO manageable up until this point. How I took it for granted!

 

Maybe the nervous system has had enough time to build itself back and is now trying to to fire everything at once to test where it still needs to be worked on. That is just a theory.

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Wildling,

 

You described it exactly. Just feeling so worn out from all these months and have it get this much worse. It's just difficult to deal with at this stage of the game. Would be so wonderful if this was the last intense wave that we have to endure. I keep hoping and praying everyday that things are going to get better. So here's hoping for us, things will start to improve soon. Hugs!

 

LiveLife

 

 

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I'm 3 years off zop, 18 months off AD's, never had Windows, but last few months went through rapid cycling of symptoms, then bad waves where I felt I was in acute again. Also new symptoms appearing, IBS flare ups, and recently getting quite stressful dreams. Things have calmed down the last few days and coping better recently, the damn intrusive thoughts won't budge, but like you hoping it almost has get lot worse before we finally heal. Think mental symptoms seem take longer than physical to go.
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Interesting thought about physical symptoms versus mental symptoms.  A video of Professor Ashton discussing benzo symptoms and recovery was sent to me yesterday, but I have not watched it.  Another buddy who did said that Professor Ashton suggests that those with physical symptoms take longer to recover!

 

I will watch it later today and share more of her insights into BWD!

 

GG

 

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Thank you all for your replies. GG, please share what you see on that video because I have a lot of physical symptoms that are causing me pain as well as the intense chemical fear and depression. Like to know if these physical symptoms are going to be lasting longer. I'm in a really bad way need to pull out of this can barely take it. Thank you and hugs!

 

LiveLife

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I guess everyone thinks differently depending on what their symptoms are. Just speaking from personal experience, my physical symptoms eased after a few months, whereas the mental haven't really changed.. I did try AD's as well , also had lot emotional stress last year which I think has delayed recovery. Seems no rhyme nor reason as to why some symptoms take longer to go. Only ever had insomnia before stopping zop, but weirdly that's not too bad, but left me with awful chemical anxiety???
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Thank youGG and leann,

 

GG,

Looks like I can open the link. I'm going to have to wait till I'm not so sensory overloaded to listen to it. Hopefully later tonight. I really appreciate your sending it. I'm not even able to watch television because of my sensory issues everything has just gotten so bad. Sure hope things let up soon. Glad to hear you're doing better. Hugs!

 

LiveLife

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Thank youGG and leann,

 

GG,

Looks like I can open the link. I'm going to have to wait till I'm not so sensory overloaded to listen to it. Hopefully later tonight. I really appreciate your sending it. I'm not even able to watch television because of my sensory issues everything has just gotten so bad. Sure hope things let up soon. Glad to hear you're doing better. Hugs!

 

LiveLife

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They will let up, I have often felt really hopeless, nowhere near healed yet, but am beginning to cope better, and accept things as they are. I could of coped with physical symptoms, but the mental have been crippling at times, been long time but recently have eased a bit, hopefully permanently. Think the horrible waves are all part of healing process. Sure it will ease soon for you. Everyone is different, don't dwell on the fact someone might state physical take longer to go, certainly didn't for me😀

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To all you wonderful people, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through.  I am going through the same thing, at 10 months off, so it must be something in the air.  It seems there are a lot of us in the same shape right now, no matter where we are in recovery.  WAY TOO MANY OF US.  I wrote a long reply here about half hour ago and went I went to post it, it got lost.  Don't know what happened.  And I cannot seem to repeat what I wrote.  Just know that your very presence here helps.  I don't know what I would do without you.  We just have to keep moving forward, moving through it, moving past it.  Why is it so hard to believe it will pass?  Please be strong.  We gather our strength from each other.  Love to all.
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This is a team effort with no one left behind!  We buddies have a strength that we probably never knew we had!  I am proud of myself for surviving this horror story and am thankful to have made so many wonderful friends.....not buddies, but friends🙏😍

 

Hugs,

 

GG

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I agree with you, Guardian and GG. I don’t know if I could have made it this far without this forum and the friends I’ve made. I’m grateful for you all.

 

Thoughts of healing and hugs, Sandy

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Guardian, GG, and Sandy,

 

Love you all! We definitely are in this together for the Long Haul and hoping it won't be as long. We need to encourage one another to keep moving forward in this grueling benzo recovery. Hugs to all!

 

LiveLife

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