9 months off Klonopin today

I have come so far. It has been a windows and waves situation for sure and am still dealing with some low mood /benzo lie thinking of "what if I don't heal?" which I know intellectually is nonsense thinking part of the healing process but I wanted to pipe in and list the things I can do now that have improved since I posted my 7 month off milestone post:

 

I went back to working at a Farmer's Market that I have done for 8 years and feared I would never do again. This involves rising at 4 a.m., leaving at 5 a.m. and driving in the dark on freeways, setting up a tent, unloading a van and selling all day (very busy market), tearing down, reloading and driving home. I did this with a helper and each week I could do more and more. Way more tired than before this all happened but this is a huge milestone for me.

 

I am getting better sleep the past couple of weeks. Staying asleep longer after the initial wake up (one hour after repose) and falling asleep faster.

 

Ability to mentor/sponsor in a different capacity in a recovery program unrelated to benzos.I could not do this until now. I tried a couple of months back and it was too much. I can now. This involves talking to a total stranger, sharing experience, guiding them through a process and teaching principles.  I have to take on just one person at a time now and have to keep conversations shorter than before all of this but this is progress. For sure.

 

Napping- I do that now. Even just a 20 minute power nap

 

Not relying on reading success story snippets all day to keep me in the game.

 

I am giving milestone differences from month 7. If we compare from the beginning, well, that is just night and day.

 

I had a really low mood/depression etc... during month 8 and it is still there a little bit but it is important to focus on the positive I think.

 

If I think of more improvements I will post them. People do tell me I seem "soooo much better" but I have no way to gage that myself since I am after all, in my own skin every day. I trust the people who tell me that though. They have nothing to gain by fibbing 

 

I was on 2 mg Klonopin for 13 months daily. I basically cold turkeyed/rapid tapered. I am healing. Never in a million years would have expected the damage this dr. prescribed medication would do to my brain but like everything, the body is designed to heal and knows how to do it.

 

Thankfully, the Benzo lies I sometimes try to believe don't hinder the healing. 

This is really good Holdingontohope! I'm so happy you are seeing improvements.

 

Congrats on 9 months! I'm sure it will continue to get much better. 

What a fantastic update, thanks for letting us know how you're doing.  Your farmers market experience wore me out just hearing about it, kudo's to you for getting back into it, you're amazing!

Congratulations! When did the fatigue and brain fog lift?

Super congratulations. Keep on keeping on 

You sound well and happy to be near the end of your bwd journey!  I love farmers markets and would love to be able to do what you are doing!  I actually thought about working at one of our local farmers markets five minutes from my home, but for now will just visit and purchase some lovely things for my garden!

 

Congratulations!!!

 

GG

Many congratulations. So pleased you’re doing so well. Brilliant the things you're doing now, definitely getting your life back.

I'm right behind you. You're story gives me hope. So thanks! 

 

I will post my update in a few days.

Congratulations! When did the fatigue and brain fog lift?

 

 

It has not lifted. It is less than before but after working that farmer's market I need lots of sleep and don't feel rested for two days. The brain fog seems to have lifted at about month 8 but the fatigue is still there. It is just not "as bad"....

 

I also have worse depression and a lower mood this past month. So mixed bag. 

I'm right behind you. You're story gives me hope. So thanks! 

 

I will post my update in a few days.

 

 

I am so glad I could give some hope. I think my biggest challenge now is to focus on the wins not the "but I am still not xyz;s"

 

This is a mental game for me.

 

Congrats on the progress, I am only on Month 1 off benzos but enjoy reading that it gets better for Klonopin users.  My dosage was lower but for nearly 10 years.  I hope it gets easier with time. 

 

I was not expecting the recovery to be so hard after the initial benzo withdrawal had ended.  Wishing you the best!  Keep us posted.