I feel doomed

I used diazepam for 5 weeks on and off not knowing about kindling. I was two years clean from alcohol. It sent me right back in progress. Symptoms:

 

Overwhelming anxiety

Tinnitus again

Dpdr

Panic

Respiratory problems

Paranoia

Nerve pain

Grunting

Dystonia

Hopelessness

Chocking sensation

Hallucinations

Walking difficulty

Insomnia total

Tremors really bad

Burning skin

Holding breath

Suicidal thoughts

Psychosis

Loss of appetite total

Seizures

Unable to stop worrying

Akathisia

 

 

Is there anyone out there that is or was a severe case like mine and can help me

Can you tell us a little more about your situation?  I'm not sure if what you're describing can be classified as kindling, that usually involves complete cessations of the drug and it sounds like what you were doing was taking the drug as needed or sporadically for about 5 weeks.  I'm saying this to you because the fear of kindling, even if it hasn't happened to you can make you more stressed out and stress is one of the biggest contributors to increased symptoms.

 

Are you benzo free now?  I've seen members who were on the drug for a short time recovery faster than those who have taken it for years so I think there is hope for you.  Have you taken benzo's before? 

Hi pamster. I was clean from a two week use of diazepam and 2 years use of alcohol for two years. Im on day 25 of my last kindled diazepam and it gets worse everyday. I was taking 10mg diazepam for five weeks and it’s really messed my whole life up. I think i kindled because i was in withdrawals 3 times without knowing what was happening

I've seen dependence happen in as little as 10 days so your story isn't unique but its scary how powerful these drugs are.  So, you're clean and sober for 2 years and you haven't had any Valium for 25 days, right?

 

Valium takes so long to leave our system I'm not surprised you're still discovering the damage its done to you after 25 days.  I believe though that you're looking at recovery in terms of weeks and months instead of months and years like those who took the drug for longer.

 

Your list includes seizures, did you have them when you quit the Valium?  What was your average dose each day or per week?

I’m afraid it will be months. Based on how badly each withdrawal has been. I also share symptoms to that of sixslow off youtube. Everytime tells me weeks but im struggling to see how that’s possible. A friend of mine only took four 18 days has the same symptoms and is still damaged 90 days later. Ive ruined my life. I cant even Watch TV because of the noise sensitivity

I've seen dependence happen in as little as 10 days so your story isn't unique but its scary how powerful these drugs are.  So, you're clean and sober for 2 years and you haven't had any Valium for 25 days, right?

 

Valium takes so long to leave our system I'm not surprised you're still discovering the damage its done to you after 25 days.  I believe though that you're looking at recovery in terms of weeks and months instead of months and years like those who took the drug for longer.

 

Your list includes seizures, did you have them when you quit the Valium?  What was your average dose each day or per week?

 

Also sorry it was about 2 months. I went into withdrawals 5 times. Without me knowinng because of a doctor

I've seen dependence happen in as little as 10 days so your story isn't unique but its scary how powerful these drugs are.  So, you're clean and sober for 2 years and you haven't had any Valium for 25 days, right?

 

Valium takes so long to leave our system I'm not surprised you're still discovering the damage its done to you after 25 days.  I believe though that you're looking at recovery in terms of weeks and months instead of months and years like those who took the drug for longer.

 

Your list includes seizures, did you have them when you quit the Valium?  What was your average dose each day or per week?

 

Also im catatonic ☹️ My life is gone

The problem with this process is it makes us thing everything is awful and it is but the negative thinking can really drag us down if we let it.  Your brain is doing what it does best right now, it's repairing the damage done by the drug and its really good at it's job so please don't despair, you can recover.

 

Finding ways to distract yourself is your best tool, are there any activities you can do that will take your mind off of this, if only for a minute or two?

The problem with this process is it makes us thing everything is awful and it is but the negative thinking can really drag us down if we let it.  Your brain is doing what it does best right now, it's repairing the damage done by the drug and its really good at it's job so please don't despair, you can recover.

 

Finding ways to distract yourself is your best tool, are there any activities you can do that will take your mind off of this, if only for a minute or two?

 

I can’t distract or fo anything. Noise sensitivity and stuff.

I couldn't watch TV either, the content was too disturbing, the noise too much to take and I couldn't sit still so I didn't bother.  What about a walk, I found it helpful.

I couldn't watch TV either, the content was too disturbing, the noise too much to take and I couldn't sit still so I didn't bother.  What about a walk, I found it helpful.

 

Too much pain in feet 😞

Eventually  your symptoms will fade given enough time, but it will most likely be very non linear and very UP and down for sometime?

 

I never thought I would heal, but I did and so did many, many others....Time is the healer

 

Good luck.

Hey Doom.  I have a lot of experience with the symptoms you describe.  This is my second time dealing with acute withdrawal just like your list.  The first time was with ativan and the second was after a setback with steroids in the last month.  I understand what it means to feel the way you are feeling.  I can understand the symptoms are so intense you cant even distract.  Many, many of the symptoms you are feeling now are the ones I am feeling now.  I say all of this because I want you to know that I understand.

 

Life is going to suck right now.  It sucks for me right now.  Because I’ve been through this once I know the timeline - for me - and I know that I will eventually heal.  I did this before and I can do it again.  You can too.

 

So . . . What to do right now. 

-I am reminding myself that my body is healing. 

-I am trying to ignore all the lies my mind is telling me about not being able to heal.  You CAN and WILL heal. 

-I am taking my days hour by hour.  This is one of the most important ones.  I tell myself I can get through the morning surge to noon.  Then I tell myself I can get to 5pm when I know my symptoms fade just enough.  Not a window just yet.  Then I tell myself I can sleep through some of the nightly symptoms.  Then the next day I do it again.  You have to set small hourly/daily goals for yourself.  You can make it a few hours, then a few more hours.  You can do this!

-Know that this acute phase wont last that long.  As the days and weeks progressed in my last withdrawal I felt better and better.  It was very super duper small changes but I did feel better.  You will too.

-There will eventually be a time when you can start distracting.  Maybe not now but tomorrow or next week.  It will happen.  When it does use it.  Your days will go by faster and faster.

 

We are in this together my friend.  We will both heal.  We will all heal.

I only took .50-1mg of Klonopin for around 1-2 months, off and on, and I definitely thought I was dying. Some days all I wanted to do was to go to sleep and not wake up in a nightmare again. But life IS worth it. Please, please don’t give up. I know it’s hard. Sometimes I felt like I wasn’t breathing at all, and I’m very hyper aware of my breathing as well. I would startle awake at night in a panic, gasping for air, feeling like I’m constantly choking, like someone is crushing my ribs in around my lungs, or squeezing the air out of them. I, like you, felt like I had to count each and every breath. I googled every symptom I had, and thought all of it was 100 other different diseases, thought for sure I was dying, and this was my very last few moments. Everything felt like the end.

 

I hope you are still hanging on. My last dose of K was on 11/03/21. I’m still here. I thought I wouldn’t be, more times than I can count. I prayed and cried and said goodbye to my loved ones. My body knew what it was doing though. It knew how to keep going, even through the lack of sleep, the feeling like I was suffocating CONSTANTLY, no appetite, severe weight loss. I’m still here, still uncomfortable, but still kickin’. Don’t give up. Kick it’s butt!