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Recovered from HEAVY and LONG-TERM USE: My story and some tips.


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Hello beautiful people.

I feel called to share my Benzo addiction success story to give hope to any heavy and chronic users that feel hopeless. I know I certainly did. Here's what happened and what I did to brave the storm:

 

I've been battling Benzo addiction for 20+ years on and off. It started with 10mg of diazepam when I was young. Ive had varying periods of sobriety, but by August of 2021, at age 42 I hit a new low. Depressed, hopelessly addicted, and unable to quit without fear of more Grand Mal seizures (I've had several), and possibly death, I found myself addicted to many benzos (Alprazolam, Clonazepam and the dangerous and potent designer benzos: liquid Clonazolam, and Bromazolam) and I was completely falling apart.

 

In the end, I just wanted whatever was the most potent. For simplicity, I was addicted to the equivalent of 10 tablets of 10mg valium per day...or 100mg of valium, and on many days I would take more than that, but I needed that amount to stay out of withdrawal. I know that sounds like an absurd dose, but sadly its true. I had been using for 2 years every day during this run, had no discipline to taper down and was too addicted to quit CT. As is obvious by such an extreme daily dose, my tolerance was through the roof and my life and health had fallen apart. Just a couple years prior I was a fit, successful and happy former US Marine. In my final days using, I couldn't hold a job and I obsessed over staying out of withdrawal. Then, something intervened...

 

I was fortunate. I made it to a hospital, hopeless and scared. For 9 days I was tapered/detoxed in the hospital, but they were unfamiliar with designer benzos, and simply attempted to keep me semi-comfortable, seizure-free and stable. They used diazepam, lorazepam and a cocktail of other drugs, vitamins and IV hydration to treat my insomnia, diarrhea, anxiety, high blood pressure, nightmares, hallucinations etc... but when I was eventually discharged to a treatment unit, I was still addicted to roughly 60mg of diazepam per day and feeling pretty terrible. I was transferred via Uber to a chemical dependency detox and treatment center, still terrified and feeling worthless.

 

The detox center used diazepam exclusively to detox patients, along with symptom-controlling meds like Clonidine, Hydroxyzine, Bentil and Melatonin. Over the course of three weeks I was tapered from 60mg per day to 0. On the last 3 days, I was taking a single dose of 10mg diazepam each evening. This is when the w/d symptoms began to really ramp up. The anxiety was overwhelming. Some nights I didn't sleep a wink, even when taking Melatonin and anti-histamines. On other nights I would get three hours or so of fitful sleep.

 

It felt like there was constantly an electrical storm in my head.

 

I had really bad tremors, sweating, confusion, depression, insecurity, fear. These symptoms escalated and hit their peak at day 8 of my sobriety. Id love to say that they suddenly and quickly went away, but that wasn't the case for me. I even had weird symptoms like burning skin, dizziness, loss of appetite, strange thoughts, terrible dreams and my confidence was shot. But after a little over a week of being completely off all drugs, the symptoms became fairly tolerable. Then after a month, I was sleeping well again. And after two months, my symptoms were minimal. And at three months, the withdrawal was barely noticeable!

 

At one point, I was convinced that my brain was not going to heal, that I had permanently damaged it this time. But I'm here to tell you that the human brain is beautifully resilient, and it bounces back. At roughly 4 months sober I am feeling fantastic, and better every day. Here's what I did to stay sane and stay the course when times were rough:

 

- After the first few weeks, I forced myself to get as active as possible and develop a routine

 

-I journaled when I could and documented my clean days

 

-I forced myself to try to eat 2-3 meals a day

 

-I took vitamins and drank a ton of water

 

-I avoided all caffeine, nicotine and stimulants

 

- I read a few books. Fiction is a great escape.

 

- I took walks and practiced mindful breathing

 

- I reminded myself to be kind to myself

 

- I looked at the terrible symptoms as if they were simply expected parts of the process that I could check off in my mind: "yep, there's the anxiety and restlessness. I must be progressing"

 

- I worked with an addiction counselor

 

- I began praying again

 

- I started a 12 step program

 

Feel free to respond with any comments or questions. You are not alone!

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Thanks for the success story! Gratz on healing! If I may ask: What vitamins did you take? I'm currently researching/experimenting on myself with vitamins with great success, but there's still a bit of tweaking to do. I'd be curious to see what you took and compare it to myself.
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Thanks for the success story! Gratz on healing! If I may ask: What vitamins did you take? I'm currently researching/experimenting on myself with vitamins with great success, but there's still a bit of tweaking to do. I'd be curious to see what you took and compare it to myself.

 

Great question...

When I was initially detoxing in the hospital I was given some cheap vitamins: folic acid, a B complex and a multivitamin. I'm not sure if theses made a difference but they certainly didn't hurt.

 

When I got home and to this very day I began taking liquid multivitamins (I like Mary Ruth's and Garden of Life's Vitamin Code) which have been shown to have better absorption than pills. I also eat a good amount of Kimchi (a GABA friendly food), and I make smoothies with Moringa, Wheatgrass and Kachava, among other things. It may be placebo effect, but when I put better fuel into my body, I feel so much better. And I think the secret weapon is water, hydration.

 

What vitamins do you take currently?

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Wow, awesome success story. I am glad that you made it through. I hope the rest of your life is amazing, you deserve it after this.
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Congrats! I have also had great success with vitamins, supplements and a strong routine. We have to build resiliency and strengthen the mind. I have found cold showers to be Truly amazing for your cardiovascular system as well as the resiliency aspect.
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Wow, yours is an amazing recovery story. I was only taking 6-10mg of Diazepam a day. I became confused during cutting down and I accidentally went cold turkey! That was 7 weeks ago now and I am still experiencing many withdrawal symptoms. I feel silly now I have read what large doses you were on. You have done so well, thankyou for sharing 🙏
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Thank you everyone for the kind responses.

 

Txtaper: I completely agree with what you said about cold showers. I learned about them a while back from watching the videos that Wim Hof has made. RTaking exclusively cold showers has proven quite difficult for me, but Ive learned to end my showers with the coldest water I can tolerate for the longest amount of time. Its incredible and there is a lot of science behind the transformative effect of cold water on the human body.

 

Mrsbump: Please don't feel silly for the withdrawal symptoms you're experiencing. When I first became addicted to benzos in college, I was also "only" addicted to 10mg of diazepam per day. I had no idea how incredibly addictive the drug was. When I abruptly stopped taking my medication, I was rocked to my very core. It felt like I had the worst flu of my life, and on top of it I was bed-ridden with extreme anxiety and agoraphobia. The feelings of withdrawal were too uncomfortable for me to tolerate so I resumed taking diazepam.

    I guess what I'm getting at is that there is no exact template for how withdrawal is going to feel. It varies greatly from person to person, and it can even vary from one attempt at quitting to the next with the same person. I can completely relate with how you "became confused during cutting down." The initial, acute phase of tapering or quitting is SO tough for me. Mentally, its like my brain is scrambled eggs. My thoughts are moving very quickly, they are often bothersome and nagging, and yet im easily confused, disoriented, and struggle to remember things and for coherent thoughts. Seven weeks is still a very early part of the process. The brain is recovering and recalibrating. I'm proud of you for making it so far. Keep up the great work!

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Thankyou Gway, I'm proud of you too!☺️

I get horrible sensations like burning, numbness, tickling, crawling and above all I can't stand my head vibrating.

Did your head vibrate? If so how long did yours last for and did you find anything to help?

 

I find a weighted blanket useful for anxiety and some of the weird sensations.

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Thankyou Gway, I'm proud of you too!☺️

I get horrible sensations like burning, numbness, tickling, crawling and above all I can't stand my head vibrating.

Did your head vibrate? If so how long did yours last for and did you find anything to help?

 

I find a weighted blanket useful for anxiety and some of the weird sensations.

 

 

MrsBump:

 

Yes, my head absolutely vibrated. In fact, throughout the acute phase of withdrawal, the physical symptoms that manifested above my neck were some of the most noticeable. The big one that I'll never forget was the feeling of an electrical storm in my head/brain. I could actually visualize the flashes of electricity or lightning and they would send vibratory tremors down into different parts of my body. I twitched a lot for about a month and had a very hyper-vigilant startle response. I also had really bad tension headaches for 6 to 8 weeks. A strange head symptom that I had was an extremely itchy scalp, especially just north of my neckline. I noticed that my hair had gotten brittle and unhealthy. Now though, my hair feels better and healthier than it has in years.

 

The vibratory feeling in the head is definitely one of the most pronounced symptoms that I had. For me, I believe it lasted a little over two months, and gradually became less noticeable over time. I also clearly remember the burning feeling (especially in my face) and the numbness ( most commonly in my extremities.) Benzo withdrawal, as we know, is no joke. The symptoms are really all over the place. Fortunately, as the body and mind heal and recalibrate, these extremely challenging feelings do subside. Having survived the worst of the storm, I now appreciate the absence of such challenging feelings so much!

 

If the weighted blanket is helping, definitely stick with it. I didn't try very many things specifically to help with the head vibrations. Time was really the best healer for me.  I did notice though that it was worse when I was anxious, and better in the evening before bedtime. One thing that definitely helped me when times were tough was reading books, especially fiction. It gave my mind something else to do, something else to focus on. It relaxed me a bit and took my mind to a better place. I am so grateful for books lol.

 

Congratulations. Did you experience any racing, looping, ruminating, obsessive thoughts?

 

7GoodEyeSniper:

Oh yes, I ABSOLUTELY experienced racing, looping, ruminating and obsessive thoughts. In the acute phase, I felt like my brain was scrambled. I had trouble answering basis questions, remembering things, and the whole world felt very surreal. For quite a few weeks, I literally felt like I had passed into an alternate reality. Getting reacclimatized to my life was quite challenging.

Racing: My mind felt both slowed down (like a struggling computer) and sped up (like a runaway train.) If something was bothering me, my mind would play out all the possible negative scenarios. Sometimes it would do this over and over, which is the LOOP you're referring to. Also, sometimes my mind would get stuck in a loop on something silly, like something that was said in a TV commercial. Id be stuck repeating it in my mind in a very obsessive-compulsive way. I felt like I was going or had gone crazy. In a way I guess I had. Fortunately, it was only temporary. As it was all unfolding though, it didn't feel temporary, and I truly thought that I had permanently jacked up my brain.

 

Namaste,

 

Michael

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Hi Gway, you described the internal vibrations perfectly as an electrical storm. I can identify with this. It's actually quite scary when this is happening! Do you know why this happens? Did you exercise when this was happening? I am getting concerned about my physical health as I have done very little in a couple of months.
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  • 2 weeks later...
Thanks so much for writing this. I'm about to turn 42 in another couple months, so I'm right there with you in age. It's always good to hear about when someone heals relatively quickly and not another horror story. Sounds like you still really went through it. What your story basically says though if you can heal from super high doses of benzos then anyone can heal. Keep up the good work my man!
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  • 1 month later...
  • 8 months later...

Hi Gway, you described the internal vibrations perfectly as an electrical storm. I can identify with this. It's actually quite scary when this is happening! Do you know why this happens? Did you exercise when this was happening? I am getting concerned about my physical health as I have done very little in a couple of months.

 

I get the internal vibrations badly too, particularly the head/brain vibrations which is accompanied by strange head pressures.  It’s not necessarily painful, but it’s uncomfortable, highly annoying and just gives more anxiety because it’s a constant reminder of this ordeal.  The internal vibrations often make me feel like I’m jumping out of my body. 

 

I also cannot exercise whatsoever because of this.  Sometimes I can’t even walk down the block and back, although I test myself.  Physical exertion makes the vibration much worse.  If I even make any sudden movements, like one would make playing sports, I feel incredibly unbalanced.

 

I’m only a month out but I pray these symptoms get better quickly.  It’s just disturbing to think I can’t walk 1/4 a mile without repercussion.  What if a killer started chasing me?  (Benzo brain jump to worst possible scenario). 

 

Thanks for your story Gway.  It’s just crazy how some people can put their brains through absolute punishment with these meds and heal relatively quickly, and then some people can take 10mg diazepam for 6 months and then go into protracted withdrawal that lasts years.  I think that’s what confuses the medical community so much.  But, I think your story is actually how the majority of people would respond and recover from that kind of use.  Unfortunately, the people who make their way to this site and post a lot are typically the people who are severely protracted. 

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[67...]

Congratulations! I’ve had a particularly difficult day. Your story of recovery has given me enormous hope, something to hold on to. Thank you 🙏.

I wish you continued health and joy!

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[67...]

To add, if I may: I’ve stopped the caffeine and wine but am afraid of the side effects of quitting smoking. I know smoking makes my symptoms worse, yet the fear of additional symptoms, such as even more anxiety keeps from stopping. Any advice?

Thank you 🙏

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To add, if I may: I’ve stopped the caffeine and wine but am afraid of the side effects of quitting smoking. I know smoking makes my symptoms worse, yet the fear of additional symptoms, such as even more anxiety keeps from stopping. Any advice?

Thank you 🙏

Smoking caused my anxiety so I quit CT it also helped ease my breathing problems I had more craving for cig  than withdrawal symptoms but that soon passed.

 

 

Nova  :smitten:

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