31 months The ‘Uncensored' untold story of my symptoms…by Banana Man.

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Update added to my ss 1.1.2022 http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=262539.0

 

So what were my symptoms? It’s not something that I’ve ever really spoken about, I kept it all to myself, partly because i live on my own in a remote part of the country. Well in the first few days I felt drunk, just very light headed, dizzy and just drunk and thought well this ain’t too bad, but as the days passed by it started to hit me hard! first of all was the worst hangover feeling I’ve ever felt in my life and this was all day and night, I sweated profusely, terrible shakes, panic, fear, hyperventilating, my heart felt like it was going to explode, it was absolutely terrifying, anxiety and fear was the worst imaginable, I looked into the mirror and I was so pale, my face was twitching and twisted, my lips were dry, cracked and peeling, my tongue was white and trembling, I was absolutely shattered and could hardly stand and look at myself, mostly because my legs were trembling so bad and then I nearly collapsed as I retched into the toilet uncontrollably. My belly was twisted and contorted, I was in complete agony, but worse was to come as I slowly lost sleep night by night. This torcher seems to carry on forever, it was murder!

As the weeks turned into months the psychotic, paranoid episodes began, the sleep deprivation played tricks on my mind, I thought I was seeing things and the fear of fits and suicide plagued me, I was an absolute mess up until the 4 month mark with just strange short sleeps and woken by nightmares and sweating, palpitations and anxiety just wore me back to weird naps throughout the days and nights.

I waxed and waned like this for many months but ever so slowly getting a little bit better, I was able to eat ok by six months and began to put weight on, even through all this I managed to drag myself out of the house and up the lane for walks, it was very slow going with many rests but I just needed to walk,  I have always walked and just felt I needed to do this to keep myself alive! And am so glad I live in the middle of nowhere that I rarely see anybody and I can avoid seeing anybody at all at certain times of the day, so I felt safe, but still in fear if that makes any sense. So I felt walking and eating was all I need do and hopefully a little sleep would follow and get me through this insane feeling.

Months went by until I reached a year and still it waxed and waned, different symptoms come and went of every nature imaginable and yet still I kept it quiet from any family and friends and the BBs I knew, I always came on BBs and never told anybody else about my suffering, I always talked and wrote positively, it’s easy to hide behind a computer but much more difficult to hide from friends and family, so I’ve been so lucky that since I went ct June 2019 Covid came along and allowed me to hide the worst of my suffering and that’s the only good this dammed virus did, but that’s another story.

So even when I was up to the 18 month and then 2 years off I still was suffering with windows and waves and even the windows were never met with normalcy, just better than waves and this has slowly gotten better up until I felt I needed to write my success story at 29+ months.

Today is exactly 31 months and even though my ss is wrote I still have just a few niggling symptoms, probably not even to do with recovery, maybe a reminder left by the benzo monster so as I never ever pick up those pills again.

Today life is good, I am happy with myself and had an enjoyable new year with my family. I am happy to be me once again.

Banana Man …aka…Colin.

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All i have to say you are strong. I wish God puts you on the right path and gives you happiness.

All i have to say you are strong. I wish God puts you on the right path and gives you happiness.

 

 

 

This was in my withdrawal. Today I am very well, I am happy and back to my usual life.

We really do heal from this.

 

Good luck and Happy new year Banana Man

Hey Bananman...

 

You and I are on the same timeline. Your posts have always been positive and humorous, and I enjoy them.

 

I remember back in late summer/fall 2021 perhaps??? I read a post of yours where you were a bit discouraged because you thought (like we all do) that you would be further along by then, and in dismay that it could take as long as it was taking for healing. You had mentioned that early on in your journey, you thought that perhaps those who took more than a couple years to heal must have been doing something else to prolong their healing, but then realized yourself that even with steering clear of what is bad for us, it still can take a while. I can't remember if I replied to your post or not, but I could definitely relate.

 

I too am doing much better. Around 30 months I started to feel more like myself again, and I just keep improving.

 

Avoiding all the bad stuff, eating healthy, and keeping our bodies moving is important for sure... but "Father Time" is the ultimate healer as we all learn.

 

It is also such a joyous thing to realize that with the passing chunks of time, 3 months, 6 months, years even, what we thought was a great milestone in feeling so much better- is that, that previous "marker" of improved symptoms just gets better and better and better as time goes on. This is such a wonderous thing!

 

Thank you for posting. I am glad to see that you are doing so much better and back at life again! 

 

-Miss Fortitude

Good Day Miss Fortitude

 

So good to hear that you’re recovery is nearly complete…nearly! …

 

Yes your so so right in what you said. I was a little naive in my understanding of this strange recovery that is 'hopefully' a once in a lifetime event, well that’s if we have enough sense!

 

Yes like many before us and many after us we think we’re all done after a few months and just can’t quite figure out what the hell is wrong with us.

 

I lived like a saint, ate like a monk, exercised like banana man would of and still felt like a bag of 💩

 

Anyways, it’s great to hear that my posts amused and interested you. I only ever tried to write whilst I was in a better place. Today is different because most of the time I’m really very well, although there’s still room for just a little bit more improvement, then there always will be? I think?

 

Banana Man