Calling for Long-Term Users to Share Whatever-I feel alone! 26 years here

 

I feel I could use to make more friends on here who understand the struggles of tapering down, often so slowly, from being dependent on benzos for a long time.

 

I do recall seeing one member's signature that they were on a benzo for 40 years.

 

Sometimes it frustrates me when I see people's signatures that don't list how long they were taking the benzo.

 

I want to hear from long-term users. Share anything. You're experience, successes, hurdles, anything!

 

I was on xanax for 15 years and tapered off the over 3 years ago using the Ashton method. This has been the most difficult thing I will ever do in my life and I am almost at the finish line.

Here I am! On and off for 40 years, not continuously but quite a lot of the time. What specifically would you like to know?

Healing hugs Hardy

Issy!  Way  to go! Proud of you!

You give me hope. Do you have a progress report or blog on here?

 

Harde

I really just wanted a gathering of folks who have been on xanax for a long time.-  I welcome anything you have to share  about the taper, the hopes, the struggles, and even stuff non-taper related.  I just want to know I can do this.  I'm in month 5.5 and I hate having to go so slowly. It is grueling most days.

 

Thanks you guys for replying!

 

No progress repot or blog, all I did was hope that tomorrow would be better and I just did that over and over again.

Hi Widesky, my 2 sons were both horrified when they found out I had become addicted to Ativan. They wanted me to go to a Detox centre immediately. I just HATED the thought of being with strangers going through what would be a really awful experience. However, this has proved to be a powerful motivator for me. Every time I thought…….I can’t bear this anymore…….I just thought ……well if you don’t do it you will have to go to Detox, and that would be worse! So, in the end I have been able to taper because I simply HAD NO CHOICE. It’s about six months since I started to taper and I’ve gone from 4mg to 0.4mg. The first bit, going from 4mg to 1.5mg was not too bad and I wondered what all the fuss was about. Then, it hit. Insomnia, nausea, tinnitus, hours of severe anxiety, complete lack of energy, depression, bouts of sobbing and massive morning terror. However, I got better at distraction……anything that would engage my brain for a few seconds. Mainly, texting, emailing, reading BB posts, reading easy stuff, lots of TV, radio on all night and drinking tea. I had 3 Christian friends praying for me too.

What didn’t work was……visitors, reading books, crosswords, seeing family and exercise. I think these were all just too stimulating and left me beyond exhausted.

YOU CAN DO THIS WIDESKY.

I am an elderly lady of 66 with no great courage so if I can, you can.

I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Last night I slept all night for the first time and have been out shopping this morning. Big events for me!

I look forward to hearing how you are getting on

Healing hugs and Prayers.

Hardy, you're so encouraging , thank you!  So glad you slept and were out driving this morning !  Way to go!

 

I get so anxious sometimes and I worry about not having the financial resources to make it through these months of not working.  I'm also here taking care of my elderly mother.  It gets so hard some days I think I'm going to lose it.

 

I feel upset about everything today.  Not sleeping, feeling dizzy, not happy that everything is going up in price.  Food is so expensive.  I'm full of complaints and I'm trying not to beat myself up about being so negative.  I know my state of mind is not who I am, and my whole system is off.

 

I'm glad you didn't go into a detox center.  Most of them have no idea how to properly take someone off benzodiazepines.

 

Please pray for me.  I made another small cut about 8 days ago.  I think I'm feeling really off kilter from that setting in.

 

I'm also on two other meds which I will need to taper from after this.  I am feeling like I couldn't handle this tapering again, but I've gotten though a  lot in my life, and I'm sure I will somehow manage.

I made a commitment to myself to get off all psychiatric drugs.

I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and the doctors just kept putting me on different drugs and I was a stool pigeon for trusting what they said and put me on over the years.

 

The Xanax was the first medication I was put on, and I didn't know back then about the side effects felt when you got dependent on the med and were actually withdrawing.  The withdrawals were presenting as all different kinds of mental illness.  The doctors did not know or believe this could have been benzo related.

 

I've tapered off of two medications so far since a year ago, xanax is my third.

I want to be the person I was before all this drugging began.

 

Thank you for posting and I look forward to being your buddy! 

I'm proud of you for what you've done so far in tapering.  Hurray for being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

 

God bless you! 

Hi Widesky, my 2 sons were both horrified when they found out I had become addicted to Ativan. They wanted me to go to a Detox centre immediately. I just HATED the thought of being with strangers going through what would be a really awful experience. However, this has proved to be a powerful motivator for me. Every time I thought…….I can’t bear this anymore…….I just thought ……well if you don’t do it you will have to go to Detox, and that would be worse! So, in the end I have been able to taper because I simply HAD NO CHOICE. It’s about six months since I started to taper and I’ve gone from 4mg to 0.4mg. The first bit, going from 4mg to 1.5mg was not too bad and I wondered what all the fuss was about. Then, it hit. Insomnia, nausea, tinnitus, hours of severe anxiety, complete lack of energy, depression, bouts of sobbing and massive morning terror. However, I got better at distraction……anything that would engage my brain for a few seconds. Mainly, texting, emailing, reading BB posts, reading easy stuff, lots of TV, radio on all night and drinking tea. I had 3 Christian friends praying for me too.

What didn’t work was……visitors, reading books, crosswords, seeing family and exercise. I think these were all just too stimulating and left me beyond exhausted.

YOU CAN DO THIS WIDESKY.

I am an elderly lady of 66 with no great courage so if I can, you can.

I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Last night I slept all night for the first time and have been out shopping this morning. Big events for me!

I look forward to hearing how you are getting on

Healing hugs and Prayers.

 

I love reading this! 

Widesky, I will certainly pray for you.

Please try not to get too upset about being negative, sometimes only the truth will do and if it’s a dreadful day then it is indeed a dreadful day!……and certainly don’t blame yourself for any of this. I suspect most of us took these drugs to be able to function and keep our jobs, be a good mum, not let the side down etc. AND you were misdiagnosed.

It helped me to think of the awful anxiety as CHEMICAL anxiety. So I was not actually worried about anything, I was just plain worried. This stopped my thoughts looping round looking for reasons and trying to fix things. I simply had to let time pass.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

Thanks Pamster.

Widesky, I will certainly pray for you.

Please try not to get too upset about being negative, sometimes only the truth will do and if it’s a dreadful day then it is indeed a dreadful day!……and certainly don’t blame yourself for any of this. I suspect most of us took these drugs to be able to function and keep our jobs, be a good mum, not let the side down etc. AND you were misdiagnosed.

It helped me to think of the awful anxiety as CHEMICAL anxiety. So I was not actually worried about anything, I was just plain worried. This stopped my thoughts looping round looking for reasons and trying to fix things. I simply had to let time pass.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

 

Thank you!

 

…. It’s about six months since I started to taper and I’ve gone from 4mg to 0.4mg. The first bit, going from 4mg to 1.5mg was not too bad and I wondered what all the fuss was about. Then, it hit. Insomnia, nausea, tinnitus, hours of severe anxiety, complete lack of energy, depression, bouts of sobbing and massive morning terror. However, I got better at distraction……anything that would engage my brain for a few seconds. Mainly, texting, emailing, reading BB posts, reading easy stuff, lots of TV, radio on all night and drinking tea. I had 3 Christian friends praying for me too.

What didn’t work was……visitors, reading books, crosswords, seeing family and exercise. I think these were all just too stimulating and left me beyond exhausted.

 

Hardy , that is a perfect description of how I feel.  Add in terrible muscle rigidity /pain!

 

Widesky- I have been taking Ativan going on 17 years. I have been tapering for about 14 mos. this time.

This is a second half of a taper that I started in 2014ish…I tapered from 2 mg / day to 0.75 .  That first taper was easy peazy.  I wondered what all the fuss was about.  In early 2020 I started having crazy back pain and reinstated to 1.25 mg Ativan.  Then everything just exploded.  More pain, anxiety, panic attacks and hysteria….I knew I had to continue tapering.  There was no other choice.  Updosing did not bring relief.  I am now down to 0.58.  Like many I have really bad days and then a good day or hour or moment. 

I have to keep reminding myself that it’s the chemical in my brain and as it leaves and my brain heals, I will get myself back again.

I don’t share my story with a lot because I have gotten negative feedback that what I’m experiencing is not real. I do have some great support from a few though and that means a lot….and great support from BB.

Widesky, if we can all do this, you certainly can too!   Think about what you’ll feel like when this is all behind you!

 

 

Thanks Cats-  Your post was uplifting.

 

I'm so sorry that some people on here were jerks and didn't believe you when you posted parts of your experience.

That's harsh.

 

Hope to see you around, though!

 

Stay well 

Thanks Cats-  Your post was uplifting.

 

I'm so sorry that some people on here were jerks and didn't believe you when you posted parts of your experience.

That's harsh.

 

Hope to see you around, though!

 

Stay well 

 

just to be clear, nobody here on BB has ever been harsh to me.  I was speaking of a few  in my life.  Everyone here has been encouraging, kind and helpful. It’s been good support! 

 

 

I'm glad to hear that.  I misunderstood.