I’m back!!

I used benzos on and off over the years.  Then, while I was living in Mexico I bought OTC Clonazepam for sleep.  I took it nearly everyday for six months.  When I stopped taking it when I moved back to the US, I got sick….really sick.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me but finally figured it all out when k took a clonazepam one night and all the symptoms went away.  I was terrified.  I soon realized I needed to taper off the drug.  I used the dry cut method over a period of about 4 months.  My scale was shitty so I mostly just eyeballed the doses and they got smaller and smaller.  It’s been three months this since my last crumb of clonazepam.  During the taper, I felt terrible.  I couldn’t sleep, I was anxious, had agoraphobia, tinnitus, severe fatigue, numbness and tingling in my left arm and leg.  I would also have looping song lyrics in my head 100% of the day.  I had really bad depersonalization and derralization.  This was the scariest symptom for me.    I couldn’t be around people as I was too anxious. I was scared to drive my car, scared to do pretty much anything like go to get my hair cut.  I was a completely different person.  I feared it would never end and I was on this site ALL THE TIME trying to find a success story where it didn’t take years to heal.  I thought I was doomed.  But…toward the end of my taper…I started to feel better, I started to feel like myself again.  I started to read books again and I started to make plans with friends again .  I would still get anxiety but it was starting to go away.  The depersonalization was gone.  I started to feel happy at times.  After about one month off the drug, I applied for an RN position (I was unable to work during my WD).  I was nervous for the interview and I was nervous to go back to work because I was so afraid I would panic.  But I got the job.  I’ve been back to work as an RN for about a month and half now.  Everything is better.  Withdrawal from benzos made me stronger.  I made it through the most difficult thing anyone will ever have to go through.  Now I am a warrior.  The symptom that won’t go away in the tinnitus but I can handle it.  Also, every now and then I look back and think…wow what the f*ck was that nightmare that I experienced?!?! I am in awe of how the brain and body can heal after being thrown into the darkest depths of terror and pain.  But…the brain DOES HEAL!!! I didn’t think I would ever feel better but I do.  It didn’t take as long for me as it has for some.  Benzo withdrawal made me more compassionate and empathic.  I am grateful for my life and I am able to see more clearly the pain that is in this world.  I am now using my experience to help others who are hurting.  And….as an RN I always recommend to doctors that patients do not get started on benzos.  I work in mental health and see so often that people get put on this drug like it’s candy.  Doctors don’t even know what damage it can cause and now I can share my experience to help them learn the truth!!! They don’t always listen but I have to try.  Please, to all of you who are struggling..know that it will get better.  You will be you again.  The light is not gone forever.  Sending love, healing, and blessings to all. 

 

Sophie

What a fantastic success story, I'm so glad you came back to share it with us!  You're doing so well and I'm thrilled to hear your recovery didn't take as long as some, that's reason to celebrate.  I love that you're working in a field where you can save others from this nightmare and hopefully educate the medical community about the damage these drugs do.

 

Thank you for coming back, you know how important these stories are to those still suffering. 

Hi Sophie, so lovely to read about your success. Wonderful! Thank you!

Thanks so much for sharing!  What an inspiring journey.  So happy you came out stronger.  Although not yet fully healed, I feel that I am a much stronger and confident self.

Congratulations! Great story and a very happy ending on the benzo journey. I wish you so much success with your work and it is grea that you will be helping others.

Congrats Sophie86 on successfully letting benzos go AND returning to work!  Both are huge accomplishments.  Getting off benzos feels amazing but getting our lives back in the aftermath is the icing on the cake.