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Detox: 2 months out and suffering


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Hi all,

 

As I was in tolerance withdrawal from 30mg Tranxene trying to stabilize and have tried a slow taper before which failed (could never stabilize between doses, and a 3 month hold did not help), my psychiatrist gave me the choice to either up my dose or go to a detox-facility.

 

I chose the last and am off benzo's since 12-5. I am now 3 weeks out and entering week 4. My symptoms are just getting worse each day, mainly very strong headaches/numbness in head making me sick, high tensions in my body, trembling and weakness in arms and legs, vertigo, joint pains, DP/DR, depression, high anxiety, palpitations and nightmares.

 

Last night I couldn't sleep. I am not functional now. I have to lay down most of the day. I feel really sick and question myself if I did the right thing. I so want off the pills and do not want to reinstate but these withdrawals are overwhelming me now and I don't know what to do. I am very afraid of what might come.

 

My psychiatrist downplays these symptoms, saying that with the benzo's gone I start to feel life events again and they cause me stress. But I never felt as sick as now from daily life.

 

Maybe someone can give me some advise or support...

 

Thanx and strength to everyone on this board, Pecoro.

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I have been living the withdrawal every 2 weeks since last January.  It was the withdrawals that always got me to start again.  I have been benzo free for two days and barely sleeping and I panicked last night and called 911.  They wouldn't send an ambulance.  I am hoping this will be my time to quit.

You are doing good being benzo free for three weeks.  The logest I ever made it was 14 days

 

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Thank you Dom81, it is very hard to withstand the withdrawals. I wish you strength in doing so. I'm having a hard time continuing my fight against the pills myself now and do not want to give in.

 

I am nearing 1 month off but its tough to say the least. I had a few good evenings where I felt like my old self, but the next morning I was feeling miserable again. I have many symptoms but the worst now are depression, anxiety and very painful headaches, like a drill is going into my brain. This can be on top of my head, but this morning it is in the back of my head. I can only lie still in bed when this happens and hope for it to subside.

 

Also the constant restlessness, never able to relax in any way, never feeling peace is very difficult to cope with. Walks in nature help, but nausea, jelly legs and vertigo make this difficult for me now.

 

I believe fear of symptoms is revving my symptoms up which leads to more fear. It is a circle of fear. I have had Cognitive Behaviour Therapy CBT and although it works for everyday life, it is difficult to battle withdrawals with it. All I can say to myself is that symptoms are withdrawals and that they are temporary, but the intensity of it all makes it hard to believe myself.

 

I am very afraid of not healing because I took the detox way. I do not dare to reinstate and feel that there is no way back as I think the pills won't help me anymore. I'm very scared of the future.

 

Strength to you and everyone on this board, Pecoro.  :thumbsup:

 

 

 

 

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Hey there Pecoro,

You are doing good at 4 months off!! I know it doesn't seem like it, but you are making progress. I hate it when docs try and say "oh with benzos being gone you are just feeling things and being stressed".....uh stress doesn't cause you to not be able to move your arms and legs! Not like this anyway. Of course anxiety can do a lot of physical things....but it doesn't make you have complete muscle weakness it that sense. It's actually a neurological thing.

 

I was a rapid detox....and then they piled on more drugs and then CTed all of those, so I know! You are gonna feel like garbage for a while. It sucks, but it is the truth.

So just know that it is temporary though! And you can survive it! Lots of us have. And some, myself included survived some pretty extreme shit! If you are able to still function even with feeling awful....then you are making it :)

Just keep going ok

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Hi SouthernBelle, thank you for your reply and encouragement. I have to tell you however I am almost 4 weeks off, not 4 months... But still I am happy with your reply. It is so important to have people to talk to when going through this.

 

I have a family but my wife can only go so far in trying to understand what is happening.

 

This morning I woke up at 04.50 AM and my brain was completely numb. Like a brick. It is an awful feeling and one of my most severe symptoms. I had to do my best not to panick but there is nothing I can do to make it go away but to lie still and wait for it to subside, which it mostly does after a few hours. It is then that I think I will never heal and am very afraid of the future.

 

I am not functional now, and symptoms seem to get worse. I am constantly thinking about reinstating and trying to stabilize and start a slow taper. But I went that route before and I never stabilized and the taper failed after 7-8 months. There just seems to be no way out. That frightens me a lot to say the least.

 

Thanks again and strength to everyone on this board, Pecoro.  :thumbsup:

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Hello,

I went to rehab and did a cold turkey also. The first few weeks were difficult and I did not sleep well at all. I had the internal tremors, jelly legs and much more. I stuck it out because I really did not want to go back on the pills. Also the fact that I paid cash $23000 up front and I did not want to waste money I did not have. It was rough but it did improve over time and my sleep is mostly normal. It improves as time goes by. Whether you reinstate or stay the course, I am rooting for you and support you. :thumbsup:

 

I pray you feel better! :smitten: :smitten:

 

PG

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Hello Dom81 and Preachergirl, thanx for your replies! I try to stay the course although it is pretty rough. Just like you Preachergirl I don't want to reinstate but want to ride this out.

 

Today is filled with symptoms again, very difficult but maybe I did too much walking in nature. But sitting still makes me feel them even more. Its sometimes like I have to keep moving. Very strong nausea in my head today, feels like seasickness but then x10. It lasts for hours now and its awful, but I hope it will subside now I'm home and resting.

 

As you say Preachergirl, I hope time will make my symptoms subside.

 

Thanks again and strength to all on this board, Pecoro.  :thumbsup:

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Time is the healer.  What helped me:  acceptance, patience, gratitude.  Calm app, meditation, deep breathing, eating healthy, walking 2 miles briskly each and every day, distraction, keeping busy and not worrying about not sleeping.  Try to view the pain and suffering as signs of healing and that as each and every day passes, you are one  step closer to being healed.
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Hi Pecoro,

 

4 weeks is still early, I did not feel a change until end of month 2. it will get some how better and after 3 months I see some good windows. You will heal just need to give it more time. You can make it,,, because other people made it .

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Hi Newbie2Temaz and Reza,

 

Thank you for your replies and encouragement! I have to keep in mind that time is the healer. But many days are so hard to get through that it sometimes seems impossible to stay the course.

 

Yesterday I went walking in nature with a friend. For 1.5 hours I could not get any relief from the migraines that I had, despite the beautiful landscape we were walking through. This is discouraging to say the least. So for now there seems to be no escape from this misery.

 

This morning is even worse, I tried to use meditation music but to no avail. Very strong migraines and other symptoms that make me panic about how to go on.

 

Symptoms seem to get worse the further I'm out. Maybe it has something to do with the long half-life of Valium leaving my system.

 

I know its early days for me, and I have to endure the suffering. I know taking a pill will not help me. There seems to be no way out.

 

Thanks again and strength to everyone on this board, Pecoro.  :thumbsup:

 

 

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Hi Pecoro,  please just know that I read your post and feel for you big time. Every second of every minute that passes is one nearer to relief and healing. This journey is beyond hard and we need all the support we can get. Mornings are very bad for me. If I can get through to lunchtime things calm down a bit. We must just hang in there and let time pass…..li think I have watched just about everything on Netflix but you can’t do that with a migraine…….just know that I’m suffering with you today.
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Hey! Oh, sorry, only 4 weeks!? That's VERY early. And yeah sometimes new symptoms show up in the first couple months, that is "normal" in benzo world.

The fact that you are even able to walk in nature is a glorious thing! I know you are suffering and it is torture, but each day is another one conquered. I know it seems like no one could just keep living all these horrible symptoms, like it just seems impossible that it can be so bad....but somehow we do. The body is capable of surviving more than we ever realize. Unfortunately, those of us who are on the other side know that.. because we lived it. You just gotta trust us when we say you can make it!

Just keep going!

 

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Hi Hardy66 and SouthernBelle,

 

Thanks for your replies and encouragement! I'm sorry Hardy that you are suffering as well. But as you say: every second of every minute that passes is one nearer to relief and healing. I hope that goes for you as well! Watching movies or series on Netflix is difficult for me now, with the vertigo and migraines, but maybe in the future I can.

 

SouthernBelle, good to hear from someone who has gone through this. You describe the situation well, its exactly how I feel now. Its very tough and there seems to be no end in sight, even if I'm only 4 weeks out. Its hard to imagine one can heal from this. I feel like crawling out of my skin. Symptoms seem to be getting worse. If I could cry all day I would.

 

I spoke to my psychiatrist yesterday, he thinks I am having a depression and suggested taking Mirtazepine for sleep (I'm only making 4-5 hours per night). I refused. He seems not to take benzo-withdrawals seriously and offers me little support.

 

I did have 2 good evenings where I felt like myself again but they seem far away now since the vertigo (seasickness) set in.

 

Thanks again and strength to everyone on this board,  Pecoro.  :thumbsup:

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In my time here I haven't noticed any correlation between a rapid detox/cold turkey and a lack of recovery or a longer one.  Symptoms can be more intense because you don't have the taper to mitigate symptoms but recovery still happens.
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Hi Newbie2Temaz and Reza,

 

 

 

I had Super Super Hard days on first 2 months since it was my second W/D and as I can see you had Ativan in your list too, That was Worse than clonozepam on me. Ativan messed my stomach and had very bad reaction on me even when I was on it for a very short time. Healing is Warranted, Just need time :smitten:

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Hi Pamster and Reza,

 

Thanks for your encouraging words!

 

Today I'm 1 month out and symptoms seem to be getting worse by the day. I'm trembling all over my body, have difficulty performing simple tanks as shaving, making breakfast and even typing this is difficult now.

 

This also affects me mentally, it seems I'm so disconnected I don't know who I am anymore. This frightens me a lot.

 

Anxiety and depression are very prominent. I'm also very confused and disoriented. Vertigo is very strong making me feel sick. I feel overwhelmed.

 

The skin on my hands has a burning feeling. My brain feels like a numb brick. Tinnitus is loud.

 

I phoned with a nurse from my Detox-centre just now and she said its all part of withdrawal and that I should seek distraction like walking in nature despite how bad I feel. She said not to focus on my symptoms. But that's difficult when they're so prominent.

 

What can I do? Should I ride this out or reinstate? I so want to get off these pills! I tried a slow taper before but failed, I could not stabilise between doses probably because of tolerance.

 

I've received some very good advice from you all but I'm living minute by minute now.

 

Thanks and strength to everyone on this board, Pecoro.

 

 

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Hi Pamster and Reza,

 

Thanks for your encouraging words!

 

Today I'm 1 month out and symptoms seem to be getting worse by the day. I'm trembling all over my body, have difficulty performing simple tanks as shaving, making breakfast and even typing this is difficult now.

 

This also affects me mentally, it seems I'm so disconnected I don't know who I am anymore. This frightens me a lot.

 

Anxiety and depression are very prominent. I'm also very confused and disoriented. Vertigo is very strong making me feel sick. I feel overwhelmed.

 

The skin on my hands has a burning feeling. My brain feels like a numb brick. Tinnitus is loud.

 

I phoned with a nurse from my Detox-centre just now and she said its all part of withdrawal and that I should seek distraction like walking in nature despite how bad I feel. She said not to focus on my symptoms. But that's difficult when they're so prominent.

 

What can I do? Should I ride this out or reinstate? I so want to get off these pills! I tried a slow taper before but failed, I could not stabilise between doses probably because of tolerance.

 

I've received some very good advice from you all but I'm living minute by minute now.

 

Thanks and strength to everyone on this board, Pecoro.

 

Pecoro, I see you're suffering and my heart goes out to you. You mentioned that you had a paradoxical reaction to the benzos. As intense as your symptoms are, trust that they will eventually pass. You know who you were before, so it's not you. Ativan was pure poison to me too. You will get better, I would recommend you don't reinstate. It's easy to say and it's excruciating I know, but these symptoms will go away eventually if you let your body heal.

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I'm glad to hear the nurse understands what helps us get through this, she's right, distraction is about your only tool right now.  I know you're suffering but I agree with veggiebuddy, reinstating isn't the answer, seeing this through is.  You've already gone the taper route and it didn't work for you but this is going to because your symptoms will begin to settle and you'll have moments of hope to see you through. 

 

You can do this, this is your chance to finally be free but the only way out is through.

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Hey there!!!

Glad the nurse understood what is going on..... unfortunately this is withdrawal....and like pamster said the only way out is through it

Especially if you already know you couldn't taper.

I was the same way, couldn't taper either.

 

It is no joke and the symptoms can be unbelievable, truly unbelievable. Especially during acute (where you are now) because they are ALL AT ONCE. And it seems like it just isn't possible for a human to bare soooo much at once!

We understand. We will be here to support you no matter what, but just know this:

We have survived it, and made it to the other side!

You can too! It doesn't last forever....but it never stops as soon as we need it to, that's for sure!

Keep going ok!!!!

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Pecoro said>>>

Symptoms seem to get worse the further I'm out. Maybe it has something to do with the long half-life of Valium leaving my system.

 

I think you are correct. I experienced this also with valium.

 

Xanax was mostly uncontrollable shaking and inner tremor from what I can recall.

 

Klonopin was mostly underneath skin burning sensations and internal chest and stomach pressure.

 

I never had that deep down painful black depression feeling with xanax or klonopin, but I do with the valium.

 

All these drugs make you feel horrible once you start to become tolerant.

 

 

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SouthernBelle08 said>>>

And it seems like it just isn't possible for a human to bare soooo much at once!

 

My sentiments exactly. :thumbsup:

 

 

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Hi Veggiebuddy, Pamster, SouthernBelle and Antibenzo,

 

Thanx for your replies and encouragement! Means a lot to me.

 

The last 3 days I'm getting worse. I sleep only 2 hours per night now and wake up with extreme tensions and pain in my chest and head, and have to talk myself through the hours until morning.

 

On days I am bedridden now. My vertigo, tinnitus, trembling and tensions all over my body and in my head are extreme. The skin on my hands and arms is burning. I feel like I can lose control any moment and cannot go on like this much longer.

 

I phoned my nurse again today and she talked to another psychiatrist who prescibed me Mirtazepine (again). I don't want to add another pill to the mix so I think I'm not gonna take it.

 

I seem to be getting worse each day and today I could barely hold on while lying in bed. I am afraid of what tonight and tomorrow will bring. I so want this Detox to succeed but I see my chances getting smaller with these increasing symptoms. Its very hard to think I might have to endure this for months to come.

 

Thanx again and strength to everyone on this board, Pecoro.  :thumbsup:

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Its very hard to think I might have to endure this for months to come.

 

 

I know it's difficult but living in the future like this isn't helpful.  Yes, you're facing many months of recovery but they won't be exactly like this and one of these days you're going to from feeling worse each day to feeling something different.  I'm not saying it will start getting better just yet but you'll know something is different and that will lead to a slight improvement and that will eventually lead to much improvement. 

 

Hope is important, hope is your medication right now so please let us give you some.

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Hi Veggiebuddy, Pamster, SouthernBelle and Antibenzo,

 

Thanx for your replies and encouragement! Means a lot to me.

 

The last 3 days I'm getting worse. I sleep only 2 hours per night now and wake up with extreme tensions and pain in my chest and head, and have to talk myself through the hours until morning.

 

On days I am bedridden now. My vertigo, tinnitus, trembling and tensions all over my body and in my head are extreme. The skin on my hands and arms is burning. I feel like I can lose control any moment and cannot go on like this much longer.

 

I phoned my nurse again today and she talked to another psychiatrist who prescibed me Mirtazepine (again). I don't want to add another pill to the mix so I think I'm not gonna take it.

 

I seem to be getting worse each day and today I could barely hold on while lying in bed. I am afraid of what tonight and tomorrow will bring. I so want this Detox to succeed but I see my chances getting smaller with these increasing symptoms. Its very hard to think I might have to endure this for months to come.

 

Thanx again and strength to everyone on this board, Pecoro.  :thumbsup:

 

Pecoro, I know the fear. Believe me, you WILL survive and get through this. It will be tough, but just try to take this one hour, one day at a time. You WILL get better whether you believe it or not. Our job is really to hang on. The mirtazapine might help you sleep. I was given Trazadone early on, but like you I didn't want to add another drug to the mix. It's your choice, but I believe the body will sleep in time.

 

Dig deep Pecoro, I wish you strength.

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