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Just recovered from a 5.5 year Klonapin addiction, and life is amazing!


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Hi Buddies,

 

This time last year, I posted an introduction where I was at the lowest I had ever been in my life. I was going through a torturous Klonapin withdrawal after having been on the drug for 5 years. I became very sick both physically and mentally, and had just received my 10th mental health disorder diagnosis (some being bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder). I had to drop out of university, had no job, was unable to leave the house, had rocky relationships and was piling on many more addictions and hospital visits. Life seemed to be continuously spiralling downhill.  I, and others, had very little hope for my future - creating a large self fulfilling prophecy.

 

My psychiatrist, therapist, and addictions team all had told me that I was a hypochondriac, and that I needed to seek more mental health support, not less and to be on more medication, not less. It was that moment where not even the specialists had believed me when I cried out saying Klonapin was ruining my life. This led me having to cut them off and seek help and prescriptions from my GP to begin my taper with using only the Ashton manual on this site to validate my many symptoms, and follow the suggested tapering schedule. I was very fortunate that my GP believed me in saying that Klonapin was doing me tremendous harm, and that I was actually very ill from it.

 

During the withdrawal, my adrenal glands had crashed causing my body to not produce much cortisol naturally, I had developed POTS, had a very large amount of Ochratoxin A (a mold) develop in my system, and had candida everywhere the whole time alongside pretty much every single other excruciating withdrawal effect that you'll read about. I now take Hydrocortisone and Fludrocortisone to assist my body with these imbalances regarding my physical health, but am slowly planning on reducing them.

 

From doing a very slow taper of 5 percent every 2 weeks, I managed to finally get off Klonapin. Life is now AMAZING!

 

Instead of putting so much focus on how ill this drug made me - as I'm sure a lot of you know. I will now focus on how much my life has turned around and follow with giving some advice that I wished I had heard at the time of my withdrawal.

 

I am now completely addiction free, and have absolutely no cravings. 9 of my 10 mental health disorders have disappeared (including bipolar and borderline personality disorder) - as the symptoms came as a result of the Klonapin addiction. Although I still have anxiety, it is no where to the degree that it was when I was on Klonapin. After having seen over 25 mental health professionals in my life, I don't see a therapist or psychiatrist anymore, both as a result of a loss of trust of the system, but mainly because I really have no mental health concerns anymore. It's so nice to have a calm mind after years of pain and hardship.

 

My whole life has changed. I've now returned to university as a full time student and became the high achieving academic I once knew myself to be, I plan on moving out soon, and have just received my dream job of working in the finance industry. I might add that my life values have returned, I'm finding out again who I am, and my friend circle is improving. My whole cognitive ability and motivation is coming back. I'm a completely different person that I was at the peak of my addiction. I still struggle with my physical health, but am seeing progress and believe my system will naturally recover overtime without needing additional meds to support my system - at least I'm hopeful.

 

Having so little support during that large part of my life, there's some things that I wish I had known during those terrible times on that drug, and especially during the withdrawal. The following are applicable to me and my story, but your story may be different than mine.

 

First, you cannot attribute anything that occurs during the time spent on this kind of drug to be representative of who you are, both physical and mental - regardless of what some professionals may say. As I mentioned, I apparently concurrently developed 9 more serious mental health disorders that have now completely disappeared once being drug free. I now deal with moderate anxiety which I've helped significantly through exposure therapy and lots of meditation through my insight timer app.

 

Second, this drug makes you worse off than before starting it - regardless of what medical professionals may tell you. There is a huge bandaid industry behind treating one issue with a drug which creates many more issues which need many more drugs. In my case, I had been on up to 4 mental health medications at times. Looking back now, this was all caused by Klonapin, and I would have done much better by stopping sooner, instead of piling on all of the other drugs. I'm still in awe by how much drug pushing I was exposed to, and not one mental health professional took a second to consider that maybe it wasn't me, and maybe it was the drugs.

 

Third, you are your best advocate. As hard as it is to advocate for yourself in a disabled state, there may be times when only you know the harm these types of drugs cause. Don't let anyone else convince you otherwise, this is not your issue, it is the drug. I've had lots of family members and friends not believe me, but I had a few that did. Now that I'm better, I barely forgive the ones that didn't stand by my side, but I've been able to weed out the ones who were not there for me, and get even closer to the ones that were.

 

Fourth, this withdrawal creates a lot more resilience than anything else can - you will be a power force when off this drug and will be able to excel in life from the resilience this drug causes anyone to have. I've personally developed such tough skin, and the sky is the limit for my ambitions and finding myself again. Having this drug cause the lowest point in my life, I've realized that life is too short to not reach for the stars. I'm so driven now to do everything I wasn't able to do on Klonapin, and there's no turning back now!

 

Fifth, I swear by the Ashton manual and I wouldn't recommend anything else when tapering. I don't think I would have recovered if it weren't for it. My mental health team at the time completely negated it, and told me to stop reading what I was seeing online. They were also the team who thought it was okay to taper completely off the drug in a couple of weeks. I recommend sticking by it, and regularly reading through the symptom list to validate your experiences through the withdrawal, as it might be one of the only things that does validate it.

 

Sixth, don't have any expectations of yourself during withdrawal. I was personally bed written for 6 months of my withdrawal, as much as my brain tried to trick me into thinking I was lazy. I reduced every single amount of stress possible, and amped up self care to the max. Interesting enough, I can now only remember only 3 days during that whole 6 month time period. As well, I don't remember that many overall from over 5 years of being on that drug. Take care of yourself and do the bare minimum possible while withdrawing. Remember that you'll be busy as ever with your new amazing life once off the drug to make up for the time lost!

 

Anyways, if you read through this all then congrats. I started the drug at 16 years old and lost a big part of my life to it. I'm now 22 and my life has just begun! You all are warriors and my heart hurts to see so many people impacted by this drug, and by a system that has barely any understanding of the withdrawals associated. Keep fighting and keep going, there's a whole new life on the other side of this drug.  ♡

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Your story is amazing! You were poisoned at such a young age, and how you were able to not only survive but stand up for yourself and follow your gut instincts about what was really wrong.  It is a sad statement for the medical community that they not only created all your issues but wouldn't listen to you when you tried to advocate for yourself. 

 

I am very happy for you and I'm sure this experience will shape your entire adult life.  May you go forth and bring positive changes to the world.  :clap:

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I'm so very happy for you, thank you, thank you for telling us your story!  You sound wonderful now and I'm thrilled to hear you no longer have to wear the labels put on you by the medical community. 

 

You've done such a good thing by writing your story, so many people will read and re-read what you've written because of the hope you've given them.  :smitten:

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I read this once before but forgot to post to say thank you so much for telling your story.  Congratulations on your recovery.  Thank you for thinking of those of us still going through this.  It helps so much!!!!
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What an amazing story, thanks for sharing it.

 

I wish you all the best in your 'new' life, free of benzos and free of the supposed mental issues and labels that were assigned to you.  Enjoy your life!

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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Thank you for writing this. I tend to save the stories on my phone that help me hang in there on bad days. This will be one of them. I was on Klonopin too. This has been one heck of a ride. #understatement.

 

Congrats and here's to a happy future! :smitten:

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Your story mimics a great super star actor in India with a huge fan following, with a few difference.. He was put on Klonopin for 7 years and was told he was bipolar, so one day he stopped the pills suddenly and a week after he gave up on life

 

He was incredibly talented apart from acting, like a jack of all trades.

You came across the other side, so happy to hear this, I wish someone had told him Ashton manual and he could also have come through like you and many others.

Is your anxiety due to the GAD Or it's still bw?

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What a fantastic story! Your resilience and strength shine through. Thank you for taking the time to share it here. I wish you all the best!
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Congratulations on getting to the other side and fighting for your right to be healthy and whole. You’ll have amazing life ahead of you for getting through something so rough at such a young age. All the best to your new year.
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