Help - any support would be appreciated

I had a decent stretch of improvement, and now I feel like I'm falling back down.  I had my first panic attack in quite a while yesterday, and it lasted about an hour.  It was mostly physical in that during the attack I wasn't anxious about anything other than the attack.  After I calmed down I had somewhat of a normal evening and was able to fall asleep ok.  But now I've been up since 4.  Time passes so so slowly at times like these. 

Any new medications or stress, no alcohol, right?

Lots of stress, no alcohol.  I have health anxiety, and I've got some lab results I'm waiting on.  Terrified of needing antibiotics or some other drug which disrupts healing.  Last antibiotic I had put me in a month long worse than acute, and another 2 months just to get back to baseline. 

I guess we know why you're feeling like this, stress is a huge problem for us.  It looks like you've had some bad experiences with antibiotics, I sure hope you don't need one.  When will you find out your lab results?

Yeah, and the holidays and omicron are stressful, so that's no mystery. 

 

I should have gotten the lab results yesterday, but didn't so now my imagination has free reign to invent why.

I think we all have health anxiety these days but for those going through this process it's magnified.  I'm sure the labs get backed up this time of year, so try not to go there with your thoughts.  Will you let us know what you find out?

Yes, I learned the results are late because the lab is backed up.  So that's not ideal, but at least that's an innocent explanation for now.

Up since 3:30 this day.  Is this still benzo sx, or is this normal anxiety?  Would I be feeling like this and doing this if I had not taken benzos?  Times like this, I almost wish I hadn't quit- it would be nice to take that pill and feel that calm wash over me. 

I totally understand wanting that calm to wash over you, who doesn't want that when this feels so awful?  I'm sure you'd be anxious even if your CNS hadn't been compromised but I firmly believe that benzo use, withdrawal and recovery exacerbates anxiety and panic, not to mention insomnia.  Most members who have recovered including me say that compared to the anxiety brought on by these drugs, the real stuff we dealt with in the past is quite manageable. 

I did launch into panic and a bout of akathesia this morning after laying in bed a few hours, so classic benzo sx.  I'm having another panic attack and have no inner calm. 

 

I believe this is benzo aggravated from stress. I hate it.  I hate this.  I'm 9 months off after only 4 months of light use. I took them bc I just wanted some help with pandemic stress.  I don't deserve this.  None of us deserve this.

I think you're right, the stress you're under has ramped up your symptoms, I see this more than anything else as the reason for increased symptoms, but it's almost impossible to avoid stress when this process creates it!

 

You don't deserve this and I'm sorry you're in such bad shape, I hope you get results soon and find out you're okay so your symptoms can calm down.

I understood feeling this way after a med set back, but don't understand how it could get so bad just off of stress and anxiety alone.  My resting hr is 95 again like during my acute periods and I haven't even started any treatment yet. 

 

I feel permanently broken.

If you are not already doing so, try meditation - deep breathing.  The Calm app is really good.  Listen to calming music laying down with head phones.  Try your best to relax as this is just another bump in the road to recovery.  You’ve got this!

I'm listening to the calm app as I type this.  I've been up for the last 4 hours trying to stay calm, and I'm getting worn down now after doing well the first part

 

I really appreciate you jumping in here.  It just feels like more than a bump.  I'm starting to feel frantic and panicking.  I need help

What helps me on the bad days is I look at symptoms as signs of healing.  I have had really bad headaches and head pressure every day, throughout the day for at least 8 weeks.  Over the last 3 weeks it has significantly lessened.  The last two days have been brutal with head pressure and headaches returning.  I equate the pain as my brain is continually healing.  It helps me to think of this as every day is one day away from the last pill of poison that I took.  I hope these symptoms lessen for you soon.  And  I hope you find some comfort this holiday season.

I'm sorry you've been having head pain!  Thanks for the tips- I think that's something I took solace in early on, but then as the process has gone on, I've forgotten to take to heart the "what is going on inside your brain" post and that all the symptoms are symptoms of rebuilding.

So, no uti, bladder or kidney infection, so that's good!  But still no explanation for lower back and abdominal pain.  I'm starting to think it's neuro-muscular.  I got a trigger point massage on my back and now it's better.  I've never felt like this before, and I'm an active person so I wonder if it's raised l related to benzo's. 

I'm relieved your lab work came back normal but now you're left to wonder why you feel like this.  How long has it been going on and have you felt anything like it before the benzo mess?

It went on about 2.5 weeks ago far.  I feel much better today.  I had another trigger point massage on my abs, and it took that pain away, mostly.  Enough to convince me that it's all muscular and not internal organs. 

 

I've never felt that pain, or pain like it before in those areas.  I'm an active person so I know what normal soreness feels like well.  I should have known bc I have worked out and felt pain (not soreness) before in my muscles since benzos. 

 

So, I think I still have some significant recovery to go.  My psychological symptoms have lessened with the physical pain too.