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9-12 Month Support Group


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Finishing month 9, and dang that was tough.  I hope month 10 is better.  I'm just pretty demoralized because I was only on Clonazepam for 4 months at low doses.  What is the matter with my system that I have to suffer like this for more than 3x as long as I took the drug?  I'm hoping things are different by a year out, but it's hard to see that happening. 
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Accidental, OMG, me too!!!  I am two days away from end of month 9 and whew, this has been a doozy!  I was a short term user too, and I am still in disbelief.  I keep holding onto the hope that I will turn a corner in the next few months but at this pace, sure doesn't look like it.  Glad you are participating in this thread.

 

Final Healing, We can all use the encouragement.  Thank you for that.  Glad to hear your wave is lifting.  It is so true that when it hits us we think it will last forever.

 

Trendy, I don't have windows either so the wave/window thing doesn't seem to apply.  Happy New Year to you too!

 

We are all kind of at the same stage so we owe it to each other to get better fast!  Right?!

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I will be in month 9 in about 12 days. I just had a pretty bad time of things the past month in month 8 (depression, lethargy) but other things have gotten better. My ability to function in a "work" way one day a week at a farmer's market. I even drove in the dark on a freeway to said market....

 

It is good to hear that 67% recover in a year. For my own sanity, I am looking toward the 18 month mark as my benchmark but hoping for better. I was a bit surprised to be taken down by the depression so bad. But then again, I do lean that way especially during the winter, even pre-Benzos....

 

I will continue to post here. Thank you!

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Checking in with my 9-12 month buddies, Stupidmistake, Accidentaldependent, Oceandude, Final healing, tendym3, Holdingontohope.  And anyone else who comes across this post and wants to chime in.

 

How is everyone doing?  Any changes or improvement?  This can be a period of great improvement, and the majority of us will heal by 12 months.  Let's hope we don't graduate to the 12-24 month club.

 

As for me, my symptoms are relatively stable, with incremental and barely noticeable improvement.  It is hard to even grasp any improvement because every day is different.  Today I am especially revved up.  I seem to swing back and forth along a pendulum.  Let's say the outer limits of the swings are not as extreme as they once were, if that makes sense.  I guess I will just keep swinging back and forth til the swing loses its momentum, and finally stops.  It is so hard to articulate the experience of BWD!!! I would love to be one of those who just wakes up and it's all gone.  There are more buddies who have done that than you would think!

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GA- I appreciate the prompt today- I think I needed it.  Today I'm revved up too.  My heart rate is elevated, which it has not been for several weeks.  I'm also shaky and jittery with the benzo chest tightness.  While I was anxious and emotional around the holidays, my hr was good and my hands steady - it was all in my head then and is more physical now. 

 

I might say I have a pendulum between physical and emotional and agree the extremes aren't as bad.  That said, no improvement, just movement of the sx around my body. 

 

I did quit hydroxyzine over the last few days bc I've been having erectile dysfunction.  39 yo no prior history of it.  I'm hoping it helps.  I might be having a withdrawal reaction, even though that's not supposed to be a thing with hydroxyzine. 

 

Boy, 12 months sounds nice.  I sure hope so, but the way this keeps going it's hard to be positive, though I know how important that is. 

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AD, Glad to hear from you.  Any change at all can rev up symptoms, so my guess is that quitting the hydroxyzine is contributing to what you are feeling.  They always tell us that drugs aren't supposed to cause this or that.  I have heard it a million times. 

 

I am still shaky and have the chest thing, and my hr is all over the place too.  Yea, it is hard to imagine that we will be healed by 12 months.  But I've read a lot of posts about months 9 and 10 being especially bad for some people.  For others though it can be a real turning point.  We just never know.  I am into my 10th month.  I cannot believe I just said that. 

 

I hope you level off and start feeling better.  Luckily even if we are not positive we still heal. 

 

Also, this group might be moved to the Support Group section, so be sure to check in there. 

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I'm glad you think it could be quitting the hydro.  I don't know what else it could be.  Like a lot of us, I've wracked my brain to try to figure out the cause, and I think that's a pretty big change.  I didn't take it every day, but almost.  Enough that 3 days without and I think my body would be like "hey wait a minute- where's that antihistamine?". I'm the shakiest I've been since acute, probably, and it's not abating here in the evening. 

 

I'm sorry you're revved up too!  For you, is it mental, physical, or both?

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I will be 9 months out in 5 days. I also cannot believe I just said that. I am struggling a lot the past month and currently. I have low mood, easily overwhelmed and fatigue. I also have body pains that prevent me from walking regularly. I know I have come a long way but I still feel pretty crappy this past month. I like to read things about how the trend is x/y/z and then bam - healing. I hope to be part of that trend!
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Hello everyone! Thanks Guardian Angel for the check up. You couldn't have described it better, the pendulum analogy is one I will write on my diary. I'm 9 months and 6 days out today and I feel like my physical symptoms have slowed down in intensity. A few days ago I had like a small window which tbh felt like I was finally stable in this bouncy castle of mine (my body). As for the mental ones I still have pretty intense intrusive thoughts and an overall feeling of not being comfortable at all, like I'm not even myself sometimes.

Tonight I had one of those panick moments where I feel like my arms stop working and I'm dying right there so I wake up immediately only to see I'm fine. I hate when this happens cause it leaves me drained and almost like confused with my own mind.

 

I hope the new few weeks are better for everyone and I also have finally got used to eating no added sugars, which helps a lot.

Sending a big hug  :thumbsup:

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Hi AD, HH, Trendy, so good to hear from you all.  Sounds like we are all going through similar changes. 

 

AD, For me it is both mental and physical.  They play off each other.  My shaking is worse some days and I still cannot find rhyme or reason.  I really do think your uptick is caused by the hydroxyzine.  Our bodies are sensitive to any and all chemicals, even in food.  That said, hopefully if you stay off it you will stabilize soon.  I did a google search for "benzo buddies and hydroxyzine" and turned up some interesting posts - some about whether there is a hydroxyzine withdrawal effect.  Why don't you see if you find anything helpful. I hope you get some relief today.  That's awful to have a sleepless night, so sorry.

 

HH, Yea, those instant healing stories are the best.  They describe it as a light switch turning on.  Those stories are more common than you would think.  They are not miracle healings, they are just one of the patterns.  The most recent instant healing story I heard was on this youtube video by Neighbor Bob who never had windows, was a gradual healer, suffered a lot, went to bed a total mess one night after a month's surge in symptoms, then woke up totally healed the next morning.  This was at 17-1/2 months off.  I have read many stories like that. 

 

Trendy, Confused with our own minds, I agree.  I am panicking this morning.  I always have morning anxiety, and at various times of the day my anxiety escalates, but some mornings are almost intolerable.  So glad you are part of this group.  I would like to get more 9-12 monthers to contribute.  No one wants to graduate to the next level up (the 12-24 month group).

 

Did I mention that this thread might be moved to the Support Groups section?  So keep an eye out. 

 

And, take a moment to appreciate how far you've come!!!  We never know how much farther we have to go, but every day we get one day closer to the goal.

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Did I mention that this thread might be moved to the Support Groups section?  So keep an eye out. 

 

 

I moved it yesterday so everyone who has posted in this thread will see it in Support Groups.  I'll keep an eye out for other members who share this timeline so I can send them over.  :thumbsup:

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AD, For me it is both mental and physical.  They play off each other.  My shaking is worse some days and I still cannot find rhyme or reason.  I really do think your uptick is caused by the hydroxyzine.  Our bodies are sensitive to any and all chemicals, even in food.  That said, hopefully if you stay off it you will stabilize soon.  I did a google search for "benzo buddies and hydroxyzine" and turned up some interesting posts - some about whether there is a hydroxyzine withdrawal effect.  Why don't you see if you find anything helpful. I hope you get some relief today.  That's awful to have a sleepless night, so sorry.

 

 

I did look that up just now, thanks. Seemed like there were mixed opinions/experiences, like anything here.  It certainly seems possible.  I had expected some difficulty, but did not expect an acute like feeling!

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I broke down and took Hydroxyzine.  I have no inclination to feel like I'm in acute.  But alas, adding it back resulted in no change so it must just be a nasty wave. 
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That's interesting, AD.  So taking the hydroxyzine didn't make you any better or any worse?  See that's the thing, no one can figure anything out.  Something might make us worse one day and not the next (or so we think).  Just when we think one food revs us up, we eat it again, and nothing.  I guess it is all just WD.  Well, I hope the hydroxyzine gives you some much needed sleep.  Sorry you have to suffer the side effects.
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I am on the first week on 9 month. I had a bad time on 8 month, low mood, panic state, fear, but i am happy i sleep 5-6.5 hours. I think my problem is food related, but i am really glad that to see that healing can happen in 9-12 month for 67% of people. I saw people having bad waves at 9 or 10 month off, i had any month bad wave but not as bad as before but still unmanageable. I wish you all a quick recovery, i wish when you wake up you will be recovered.
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Hi Leoninano,  I think I read one of your other posts yesterday and I was going to ask you to post here too to join our little group.  I wish we all wake up recovered too!  I saw that month 8 was rough for you, and I hope you turn a big corner soon.  Food related problems are very common.  If you read the Stages of Withdrawal post, it sounds like you might be in Stage 3 where you start to notice food sensitivities.  If you haven't seen that post, I will try to find it for you.  I always find it hard to find my Stage because I seem to have half of one stage and half of another!  Have a good day! 
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After dinner time, it felt like a switch flipped in my brain and the calmness returned.  I slept 11 hours.  I'm not sure if it's bc I took the hydroxyzine, or if it was just how long that wave lasted (36-48 hours) or if something else set me off that I haven't put my finger on.  As you say, nobody can figure anything out.

 

GA, how are you feeling today? 

 

Leo, I'm sorry you're having food sensitivity and had a bad month 8.  I hope month 9 is better for you, and glad you're getting 5-6.5 of sleep.  That sounds like me on an average night.

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Hey AD!  A switch flipped, wow!  That must feel great.  I hope you stay this way.  What I would give..... haha.  Maybe it is all that positive thinking about switches flipping and sudden healing!

 

I am in my morning surge, my groundhog day.  Just have to keep my mind from spiraling.  Thank you for asking.

 

Seems like a lot of us are short term users.  Is that right buddies? 

 

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Hi Guardian, thank you i just finished reading the four stages, and yes i find my self in stage 3.Today I am in a state of emptyness. I could find something that makes me a little happy, that makes me go on. It's difficult to confine my brain that i am better. Thanks Guardian
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Yeah, it is great.  I feel human again today.  I still have normal anxiety but it's not consuming today.

 

Morning surges are hard- I usually am able to push through and get ready for the day but sometimes it's overwhelming.

 

Yes, just 4 months of use for me.

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Since last i was feeling terrible, panic, rapid thoughts, like a was sick with high temperature. Later i slept but had a lot of weird dreams, in the morning i was afraid to wake up from bed. Anyway i went to work, it's little better now, what kind of sickness is this never seen something like this before in all my life. All of the people i have meet that have used benzo or are using them, all have trouble and have symptoms they never had before. I hope that after a strong wave is healing.
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Leoninano, A strong wave is supposed to mean more healing is taking place for sure.  I am glad you were a little better after going to work.  This truly is the most unbelievable experience ever.  No one could have imagined it.  I agree that even people still using benzos have symptoms they have never had before.  I hope you get out of these feelings soon.  It takes a lot of determination but you will get through this.
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3 hrs sleep last night, not feeling human today.  Apparently it wasn't the hydroxyzine cessation bc I'm back on it.  Must just be a wave on its own or triggered by stress.  I hope this means good healing!  Most miserable I've been for a while.  Lots of spiraling with my morning surge.
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