3 years nearly no change, big decision to make???

Well did think I would be better by now, but not as bad as I was. I do think mental symptoms take longer to heal from. Trying online course, not helping thoughts yet, but think helping me deal with them. I do despair wondering if recovery will actually happen. But the deep depression and crying all time largely eased. Nearly reinstated but somehow managed not to. Still can't go anywhere much, but realise I'm in better position than some, I am able to go for walk every day, not tied to the house like some people. Been through bad patch insomnia but eased last couple nights. I do worry as I'm  older time slipping by to make most of my life, but in hindsight could be lot worse, even though " normal life" not in sight yet😊

Plunged back into acute again. Whatever I try just seems to backfire. Back in bed again crying and feeling miserable.

I'm so sorry. It could be the winter? It's not the best season for mental health. Wish you strength.

Really wondering if temporary reinstatement is only option. Be 3 rd Chrustmas feeling crap. I have yet to find anyone still having intrusive thoughts this far out that that has actually recovered. Do I take the chance and hope with no guarantees, or take a chance a do temp reinstatement and proper taper. If I'd had good Windows and slight easing would hold on but haven't. Had lot emotional stress about 6 months this  year, but has that really affected recovery?? Catch 22 but finding hard keep hoping when you see little change.

Sorry to read you’re struggling. My Dr. Told me not to reinstate if you’ve been off Benzo’s for longer than a month. She says it’s too dodgey as it can make things worse.  Give yourself time to heal. You will get there.  I know it’s hard right now but you will get there.

Think we all think we are worst case scenario, but have struggled find someone still not having any improvement this far out, that has gone on to recover. Have read that intrusive thoughts are the most difficult and distressing things to deal with, think Baylissa says so in her book.  It's when you look in mirror and don't have any connection to yourself, when I do things like I am observing someone else.

Think we all think we are worst case scenario, but have struggled find someone still not having any improvement this far out, that has gone on to recover. Have read that intrusive thoughts are the most difficult and distressing things to deal with, think Baylissa says so in her book.  It's when you look in mirror and don't have any connection to yourself, when I do things like I am observing someone else.

 

DP/DR is killer. I get that. You will heal. Just keep going.

Hi Leann, I am 66 and have same fears. If we knew how long we were going to live we could weigh the pros and cons! Actually, I would not like to know!  Looking through your post I see you have made good progress, you are not crying and going for a daily walk. That’s wonderful. Only you can decide but it would be a shame to give up all your hard work now when recovery might be just a few months away. I wish you well in every way. Let us know what you decide.

I'm about same age. I took zop fir couple nights, but decided to see how it goes for the moment. If I could get diazapam I would take that to get some life  back, but they will only give you a months worth. Wish to god I'd fought harder to stay on the zopiclone. Just feel my life is over, can't go anywhere, do anything.

 

Have you looked into therapy? CBT workbooks? Anything to dig into the psych side of these feelings? The drugs mess us up, no doubt, but there has to be a root cause out there somewhere. My apologies if you’ve been down that route already, just thought I’d ask.

 

Another option is to look at gut health. Functional medicine, microbiome, etc.

Hi Leann, you mention that are still feeling depressed. You have tried SSRIs but they were no good? Would you consider another type of antidepressant? I am on Venlafaxine and Mirtazipine and they do control the black moods mostly. Of course I would prefer not to take anything but needs must. If CBT etc works for you that would be great. Anything is worth a try when you are feeling at a dead end. Healing hugs.

Tried CBT, been through several therapists, it's caused by withdrawal pure and simple. Been watching video on Jennifer Leigh's site, she had intrusive thoughts for several years and explains them really well, says they are really common. There is little you can do about them, just have pray they eventually subside Never experienced any anxiety, depression before being made CT, I'm only depressed because the symptoms not improving, not true depression as such. Mental symptoms just seem take long time to improve, nothing really eases them.😫

This is my 3rd CT. I am 32 months off and still suffering some. That being said, I have done this 3 times...i have reinstated and ippdosed, and it was good for awhile. Then the drugs stop working and the only way to go is up in dose. Keep in mind, wach time you get off the harder it is. This 3rd time I almost dies. You have come so far to give up and go back on and have to do this again. Reinstating has never helped me. I am stull suffering, but i push through each day knowing thay I will get better.

I'm about same age. I took zop fir couple nights, but decided to see how it goes for the moment. If I could get diazapam I would take that to get some life  back, but they will only give you a months worth. Wish to god I'd fought harder to stay on the zopiclone. Just feel my life is over, can't go anywhere, do anything.

e

 

Zopiclone is a Z-drug or just a "benzo in disguise."  I am not following the logic behind fighting to stay on a drug that doesn't treat, fix, or cure anything?

How is Valium (Diazepam) going to give you some life back? 

Benzos and Z-drugs are merely band-aids that can only "mask" symptoms.  They don't treat them.  To me, wanting to reinstate after being off almost 3 years is like

pouring gasoline on a fire that you want to extinguish.  There are many other ways to cope beside reaching for more "RAT POISON" and that is how I would look at any

future Benzo use.  Consider Benzos rat poison.  You wouldn't reach for rat poison when you feel bad and in the same way never reach for another Benzo or Z-drug.

Some people take longer than 32 months to heal.  Baylissa said she has never not seen a person heal in a timeframe that others healed in given similar circumstances. 

Everyone I know who reinstated, got worse.  The only way out is through.  Keep going.  People sometimes say they just wake up one day and all symptoms are gone….what if you’re almost there?

I'm about same age. I took zop fir couple nights, but decided to see how it goes for the moment. If I could get diazapam I would take that to get some life  back, but they will only give you a months worth. Wish to god I'd fought harder to stay on the zopiclone. Just feel my life is over, can't go anywhere, do anything.

e

 

Zopiclone is a Z-drug or just a "benzo in disguise."  I am not following the logic behind fighting to stay on a drug that doesn't treat, fix, or cure anything?

How is Valium (Diazepam) going to give you some life back? 

Benzos and Z-drugs are merely band-aids that can only "mask" symptoms.  They don't treat them.  To me, wanting to reinstate after being off almost 3 years is like

pouring gasoline on a fire that you want to extinguish.  There are many other ways to cope beside reaching for more "RAT POISON" and that is how I would look at any

future Benzo use.  Consider Benzos rat poison.  You wouldn't reach for rat poison when you feel bad and in the same way never reach for another Benzo or Z-drug.

Some people take longer than 32 months to heal.  Baylissa said she has never not seen a person heal in a timeframe that others healed in given similar circumstances.

 

Well said! I totally agree with this.  Hang in there LeAnn - just keep going.  You are going to Pilates classes - this is amazing - I couldn’t do a Pilates class. Focus on what you can do:

Just so tired of this with no windows or real improvement. Was only thinking about it because, I felt normal on zopiclone, thought might give me my life back, I never had any anxiety before withdrawal. But haven't gone back on it, instead back to feeling like s**t every day. Too scared to go anywhere without my husband coz crazy brain makes me think may have hurt people. That's why I thought was worth trying. Can't get diazapam on line and GP refuses give me anything so that's that. Up proverbial S**t creek without a paddle.

I am so sorry for your continued suffering Leanne, but try to remember that post-benzo anxiety is chemical in nature.  It occurs because our nervous system is damaged, so this can be thought of as a physical symptom.  I had that too, as well as depression, but that largely eased early on while my other "physical" manifestations continue to this day.  You were on SSRIs too so that is complicating things but let me join in with the others and say that you will probably regret any decision to reinstate  You have come very far and maybe you don't think you have, but YOU HAVE!

 

I agree with earlier poster that this time of year (and the holidays to boot) are not good for many people - even many many people not dealing with benzos.  Please consider not doing anything rash until after the holidays and perhaps SPRING when there is so much else to boost your spirits.  Perhaps even consider celebrating the winter solstice tomorrow at 10:59 am!!  It is a celebration of coming out of the winter darkness and looking forward to renewal and growth!!!

 

 

If I thought would correct things would reinstate In an instant, but it doesn't help anxiety only sleep so I won't. Just getting massive anxiety surges in the mornings last week or so. I would take physical over mental any day, but probably those with  physical would say the opposite!!! In some ways wish would have another lockdown, even though moaned about it, as we are now just makes me feel worse as others are getting on with their lives, and I'm in same sorry state have been last 2-3 years.

Hey Leanne just remember those massive adrenaline (anxiety) surges in the am are physical in nature.  I had those too.  they came and went but had the worst of them in the winter too especially when stress would be a trigger.

 

While we have so little control over this incredibly frustrating healing process, we DO have control how we choose to interpret things going on around us.  I used to feel the same as you - watching commercials on TV and saying "look how lucky those people are - they don't have intense back pain", etc etc....but then I started meditating specifically around having self compassion.  You can google meditations for self-compassion, or read about it.  Women are notorious for taking care of those around us and not caring for ourselves.  Having self-compassion means accepting ourselves for what we are and what is happening, and being KIND to ourselves.  No negative self-talk...loving ourselves.  It brings peace to our psyche...which lowers stress we didn't even know we were putting on ourselves.

 

I wish you a peaceful winter solstice 

 

 

I totally agree with Deanna. Sending you love and hugs Leann. I miss you on the other threads.

3rd Christmas feeling like this, another year ending still feel sad all the time. Now got really bad anxiety surges every morning. Was reading someone's post who  reinstated and they  feel better. Please God give me a break just give me the occasional window, will this ever end😞