Not feeling ok

If you think it's best to move this thread that's fine with me. 

 

Dianedeedee,  Thank you for the information about it being bad to have different doses at different times of day.  I thought it would be good to cut down if I could.  Sure don't want to cause kindling!  Have you heard of people who have that but manage to get over it?  Sounds more like you have done yourself in if you have that.  And that using benzos for a sleeping pill can do it.  Great. 

 

I don't really know anything about kindling but I'm sure people have gotten over it.  It's all such a nightmare!

 

I  spoke with the dr's office in the mountains this morning and found out it's affordable for me.  Not covered by my insurance I think but the  cost is ok.  This lady is a psychiatrist with a lot of experience helping people with benzo withdrawal  and with other drugs,  and she believes in the Ashton method,  so  I asked them to send me the paperwork.  It eases my mind a bit because I probably will have help,  and good help,  but  I do see that the schedule for withdrawing completes it in about  18 weeks,  which  seems like it might be a bit fast.  Lots slower than  most of the treatment centers around here.  Any thoughts on doing it in 18 weeks?  I can always tell her upfront that that sounds fast to me. 

 

 

So glad to hear that you found an option that you can afford.  That's a great backup strategy if your Dr. will not support you.  18 weeks seems fast to me though.  When I started my taper I thought that I could do it quickly...I can't believe I'm hitting the 2-year mark this month.  Slow and steady has been a good strategy for me.

Thanks, Roger.  With your slow and steady taper,  did you suffer much? 

Thanks, Roger.  With your slow and steady taper,  did you suffer much?

 

Overall, I'd say no. I haven't suffered very much during my taper compared to many on the boards. The first 75% of my taper from 2MG to .5MG was actually linear and my life wasn't impacted much at all.  My major symptom was a daily headache. I also had a lot of muscle pain in my jaw, neck, and back and bowel issues that I was able to manage.  Overall, I did really well in the first 75% of my taper and nothing impacted my life in any major way. I fully participated if life including vacations while tapering. 

 

It's been harder the last six months but I am still okay.  I work full time and have a family.  Actually, I find that the distraction of life is actually really helpful.  I am able to function pretty well overall but have my ups and downs.  My biggest symptoms are related to sleep disturbance which makes me very tired.  I also went through really bad anxiety in Sept/Oct. 

 

 

It's really good to heat that,  Roger.  I got a book on my Kindle last night and though it has some really helpful stuff in it the author's own experience of withdrawal is so horrendous and there are lots more examples of people having a hellish time.  I don't know if I can take that on.  I don't know if I can go through something that bad.  People who write about the slow taper say  there might not be much agony at all. 

 

Yesterday I had a long stretch of feeling strong,  and calm.  Went on a 2/3 mi walk with my husband,  went to a store.  Delayed taking my pill till late.  I wonder if that is what caught up with me in the middle of the night.  Had great anxiety,  discomfort,  took a pill,  woke up two hours later with no relief from the pill.  Took another pill and still feel  anxious and jittery. 

 

My daughter just came up and asked why I'm talking to people on a message board.  I said they're going through some of the same things I am.  She said I'm going to be fine,  I'm going to be fine,  just taper off of it.  How?  I  seem to be needing more of it.

 

I am really bummed out that  that psychiatrist/ benzo expert I was going to go to decided not to take me on.    I feel like I could use some expert advice but on the other hand,  a lot of " experts"  seem controllling and like they want you to completely put yourself in their hands which makes me feel out of control.  Heather Ashton said the person should always be in control of their taper.  I think she could see how important it is to feel like you have some control.

When I am feeling halfway ok  I find getting busy also helps

Everyone's experience is different.  For me, I've found that approaching the taper with an attitude that "I can do hard things" has helped.  Out of necessity I've needed to stay flexible because my symptoms are different every day.  Some days and nights are better than others but I keep my eye on the prize of being benzo free. 

Thank you ,  Matchka.  I like your saying by your name,  about the thing you were looking for is you.  I am being a little more mindful of the self talk in my head lately,  and  changing it to something more positive really gives me a break from fear and gives me a little more lightness in my step.  Lowering expectations on myself can also help.  Like climbing into bed with some hot tea and my three doggies around me,  to read an entertaining book from another century.  Even in the middle of the day.

 

Unfortunately  the dr. I thought I had lined up abrubtly decided not to  treat me.  I think I asked too many questions or something.  I think her communication skills were lousy.    I think I deserved more of an explanation. 

 

So I am  considering what to do.  Like you,  I like someone I can talk to ,  and be honest with,  not just get the pills from.  I would like a professional who would  understand tapering,  and help me interpret it if symptoms get really bad...what to do then?  But  I think it isn't essential to have a dr.  on board with tapering...can just do it if you have the script.  I think a valium crossover sounds like it would be smoother,  easier to endure,  and easier to  measure out amounts.  Considering a nurse practitioner.

 

I bought a milligram scale but have doubts about how accurate it is.  I  really have not tapered much yet.  I was all over the place in dose amounts and schedule.  I think getting a schedule,  the right dose,  even doses,  will help and then I can start cutting.  Wonder if liquid valium is easier to cut.  Looking at the Ashton Manual schedule for lorazepam and it does most of it in 18 or 19  weeks.  Can that work? 

From 2mg I tapered 0.1mg per week using a pill grinder and micro scale.

 

Where did you find this scale?  What brand/model? I can't find one accurate enough.

Hi Qextor, the scale was from Amazon, there are a few priced around £16. They are advertised as weighing down to 0.001g but I know mine won’t actually weigh that small amount. As I shake the powder onto the weighing tray it doesn’t register until about 0.01g. This is good enough for me at the moment. When I get down to tiny doses I might add in a filler. I have read about the filler process from BB Bob7. If you need to weigh very small amounts, let me know and I’ll send you the details. Hope this helps. Healing hugs.

Hi again Qextor, if you type Bob7 into the SEARCH MEMBERS and click on his name you can see all his posts about dry tapering.