Feeling flat

[[Buddie]]

I wrote about this in the post forum but figured I’d try here too. Since I’ve jumped I don’t seem to feel any excitement or joy for anything. It’s the same most days, with maybe a few hours where it doesn’t feel as heavy. It feels heavy almost like an uneasiness in my body with light anxiety. Is this depression? I’m having a hard time understanding what it is. I am still able to function most days but this feeling is all consuming. Will this go away?

[[Buddie]]

I wrote about this in the post forum but figured I’d try here too. Since I’ve jumped I don’t seem to feel any excitement or joy for anything. It’s the same most days, with maybe a few hours where it doesn’t feel as heavy. It feels heavy almost like an uneasiness in my body with light anxiety. Is this depression? I’m having a hard time understanding what it is. I am still able to function most days but this feeling is all consuming. Will this go away?

Hi AP, congrats on finishing your taper, sorry you are not feeling well. I’m still tapering Valium but that is how I feel every day since I’ve been on benzos. I’m no psych but I suspect your still getting wd symptoms or maybe still underlying depression from going thru the taper process. I have a hard time telling the difference for myself when I stabilize and still have that feeling. It is said by many on this site that we will all eventually heal, hopefully you will soon. The positive is your off the poison at least, wish I had a better answer. I’m sure some buddies who are in post taper will respond. Good luck
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[[Buddie]]

Your description of things kind of lines up with mine. My depression has lessened, and my wave are milder, but there is this constant drain on me. Early in the day I'm not working well cognitively, just not sharp, a bit anxious. The anxiety sticks with me throughout the day, it's mild and often bodily. I feel it in my legs it seems. The depression is nowhere near as heavy as it was, in facct I'd say it's mostly gone other than worries about the future, both near and distant, and being sensitive to stress.

How is your lifetstyle currenty, exercise, diet etc?

[[Buddie]]

I’m retired so it’s making this even harder for me. I wud be doing many things with grown kids grandchildren and friends. But no desire with the withdrawal. I push myself to workout,  force myself to eat lost appetite months ago, try to do things around the house, but mostly just lay around. I had a great life until I made the mistake of taking Ativan due to a stressor I had. Never took a drug in my life

[[Buddie]]

I can relate to this. Mine has lessened a lot and I have read that anything we did not have before Benzos will go away. I remember my biggest fear was "Will I ever feel joy again" because this feeling you describe feels like nothing I would wish on anyway. A depression mixed with anxiety. Just horrible.

What helped me a little was walking in nature. Until I got some crazy body pain and had to stop. I am going to try that again.

I think the biggest thing I needed and still need is hope. Hope that things will just fall away. And I will be back to what I was like before and possibly even better. I kind of lived on the success stories that spoke to that and a "Benzo coach" who told me that he used to love to fish and his withdrawal took that from him. So he forced himself to fish every day and felt nothing. No joy at all. Then he got a minute or so of joy and then eventually he is back to himself again and my guess is really enjoys fishing again.

I have had little windows of feeling like my old self. That gives me hope that there is more to come. That plus anything I did not have before Benzos is likely going to go away as I heal. Hang in there.