Newbie here - I think I'm in trouble

Hello Silver-lining   Welcome to Benzobuddies.

We are glad you are here,  I can imagine how you must feel right now!    Anyone taking benzos long term should taper off slow and careful.  If  your psychiatrist intends to take you off  Xanax in 6 weeks, that's too fast.  Please ask your psychiatrist if s/he will support a slow taper, show some relevant pages from the Ashton manual.    You will find some very valuable support and information on the forum. I suggest you do some research, check out the taper plan boards and post questions.  Members have been through all aspects of benzo use and withdrawal, they know what you're going through and will offer support/advice. 

It's  generally recommended that you cut your daily dose by between 5% and 10% every 10 - 14 days according to how you are feeling, go with whatever pace feels comfortable. The aim is to keep any symptoms manageable.

I would recommend reading through the Ashton Manual, It is a great resource for understanding the effect these drugs have on our body.  As well as tapering and withdrawal information, It includes a list of common symptoms 

I'll leave you a few links:

The Ashton Manual. 

Planning Your Withdrawal(TaperPlans)

The Xanax Club

If you care to add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice.  Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile

Welcome aboard

Magrita

Curious.....is this a new shrink or has this person been prescribing to you for the last 18 years? 4 mgs of xanax is a lot. Why do you think the pdoc is expressing some concern now?  Did you say something to him or her like the xanax is not working anymore or asked this doctor to raise the dose?

Personally, how do you feel on the 4 mgs? Do you want to come off? Most ppl who are on drugs (any drugs, not just benzos) would rather not take them but the problem they start taking the drug for is disrupting their lives so much until they often feel they have no choice. I would have never started xanax in 1985 if I did not have severe panic attacks and 24/7 severe anxiety around the clock and I was also very fearful of losing a great job that I had just started at 23 years old. Ppl who are doing ok and are happy on the drug often don't do well when they are forced to come off. Also and this is just my personal opinion, don't ever do inpatient detox at one of those rehab places. You will suffer beyond your wildest imagination. It is always best to remain in control if you can and taper at your own pace (provided you have a doctor who is willing to help you do this), but even doing this will not be easy.

Wecome to BB btw Silver-lining.

Thank you for your reply AntiBenzo7.

In answer to your questions:

1. I have been a client of my current Psychiatrist for about 7 years, prior to that, the Alprazolam was first prescribed to me by my GP as a less expensive alternative to other benzos. What I’d give to go back to that day and know what I know now.

2. In Australia Alprazolam is a drug that requires a permit (now, not when I first got it 18 years ago) from a Psychiatrist. My 2 year permit was a about to expire, and as such I had to go see him to get a letter to support the permit. I did not ask for an increased dose (that’s the last thing I want) nor did I have any particular feeling that the drug doesn’t work anymore. It works beautifully when I really need it (in a panic state, which is rare) and it functions otherwise as a way for me to calm myself enough to sleep. I take the 4mg at 9pm each night. It’s just a part of my life.

3. On the 4mg I feel like a normal, high-functioning person, I don’t ever get a ‘feeling’ from the 4mg. I just feel like me. My symptoms (PTSD, Major Depression and GAD) are usually well managed. I guess sometimes I get tired. I do want to come off. I’ve been medicated my whole adult life and I dream of being organically happy and at peace. I don’t know what that’s like.  Otherwise I’m a very conscientious person, I have a very satisfying job, I’m a wonderful mother to 3 successful, happy children, I don’t drink, smoke, take recreational drugs, I practice mindfulness, yoga and meditation and eat a healthy diet, my blood work is always perfect. I’d love to get the monkey off my back. I’m just terrified of the process and the impact it might have on my work. So I always imagined this happening 5-10 years down the track, not now.

4. This brings us to the suffering beyond my wildest imagination. I don’t want that in my life, why mess with something that doesn’t need to be fixed? Why experience further trauma? But my Psychiatrist was adamant that my life would be at risk if I tried to taper at home. I have a question - if I do a GP supported year long (or even 2 years long) taper at home that doesn’t interfere with my family or my work, what’s the worst that could happen? Why is this not an option?

Thank you for the warm welcome, I hope I’ve answered your questions.

Hi,

I’m in Australua too.  It’s super important that you find a benzo wise doctor & follow a slow & steady taper.  Do not do a taper in 6 weeks.  At most taper 5 - 10% per fortnight - no more.  You may need to homd at some point to stabilise.  Petra is your therapist is concerned you will hit tolerance - this can. E as bad as withdrawal.  Here on BB you will find some people going through an absolute barbaric torturous hell.  This does not mean that you will go through this yourself. Only some of us do.  Some can withdraw & not have these horrific symptoms - understandably they do not need to come on BB for support.  There is little to no research on why some of us have symptoms & some don’t.  We know that just stopping Benzo’s (cold turkey) increase the chances of ghastly symotoms, we know that too fast if a taper can also increase the risk of symptoms.  This is why it’s very important you taper off very slow, follow the Ashton manual.  I would speak to your therapist & involve a benzo wise doctor in your taper.  You may not have any symptoms during your taper.  Take each day, each moment, each minute as it comes.  My strongest advice ys for now only research taper advice on here - do not scare yourself with anything else on here.  One step at a time, for now - that is finding a benzo wise doctor. I’m not sure which state you are in - I’m on NSW. Benzo wise physicians are as rare as hens teeth but that doesn’t mean they are not out there..  best of luck to you:

Hi Machka

Thank-you for your kind words.

Can I ask, on your slow taper, what symptoms you experienced? Are you substituting? I'm really leaning towards not taking my Psychiatrist's advice, and instead doing an 8 month taper at home under my GP's supervision with Valium substitution. If she'll agree to it. 

Hi Bess55

Glad to meet another Aussie! I haven't yet explored beyond the Introductions board because I don't want to overwhelm / upset myself more than I currently am and I realise there will be a lot of folks suffering here, which breaks my heart. Tell me, do you (or did you, sorry I'm not sure if you have finished your taper or not) have an awful time getting your permit? What length permit do you get? In the past I've received a couple of 2 year permits, then my most recent one for was 12 weeks, which allowed me time to see my Psychiatrist and justify  my dosage to obtain a new permit.

As I just mentioned, I'm hoping to do an at home taper over the course of 8 months under my GP's supervision with Valium substitution. I don't know how much experience she has in this field (my GP of the last 10 years recently retired and handed me over to her). I live in a rural area in Victoria where I think I'd receive a blank stare if I asked around for a Benzo-wise doctor! My only hope is that my GP allows me some autonomy in this. My Psychiatrist was absolutely adamant that I needed to be in a 4-6 week rapid detox in a private hospital, but I can imagine that level of suffering and I can also imagine the percentage of people who relapse after that kind of trauma. He's also retiring, so his opinion won't be a problem when I decide to pull the trigger on this.

Thank-you for your reply to my post. 

3. On the 4mg I feel like a normal, high-functioning person, I don’t ever get a ‘feeling’ from the 4mg. I just feel like me. My symptoms (PTSD, Major Depression and GAD) are usually well managed. I guess sometimes I get tired. I do want to come off. I’ve been medicated my whole adult life and I dream of being organically happy and at peace. I don’t know what that’s like.  Otherwise I’m a very conscientious person, I have a very satisfying job, I’m a wonderful mother to 3 successful, happy children, I don’t drink, smoke, take recreational drugs, I practice mindfulness, yoga and meditation and eat a healthy diet, my blood work is always perfect. I’d love to get the monkey off my back. I’m just terrified of the process and the impact it might have on my work. So I always imagined this happening 5-10 years down the track, not now.

Thanks for the reply Silver. Interesting. Do you take the entire 4 mgs of xanax at 9PM before bedtime or is it 4 1mg doses daily with the last dose being right before bedtime? Another question....do you ever start to get a little antsy between the previous dose and the next dose of xanax? When you started on the Xanax, did you start out taking 4 mgs per day and have maintained that for the last 18 years.

I am like you in that I also I don’t drink, smoke, take recreational drugs, and I practice mindfulness (transcendental meditation). The biggest difference between me and you is that I would eventually become tolerant to all the benzos I have taken over the last 30 years. I think I got the most mileage from klonopin. I was on it 11 years before it pooped out on me. I think you have a golden opportunity here to slowly try to withdraw if you wish to be free from the brain grasp these drugs have on your brain without starting out feeling deathly ill like most of us here.

Silver said>>>

I'm really leaning towards not taking my Psychiatrist's advice, and instead doing an 8 month taper at home under my GP's supervision with Valium substitution. If she'll agree to it.

If I were in your shoes, this is exactly what I would try to do.

Hi Bess55

 

Glad to meet another Aussie! I haven't yet explored beyond the Introductions board because I don't want to overwhelm / upset myself more than I currently am and I realise there will be a lot of folks suffering here, which breaks my heart. Tell me, do you (or did you, sorry I'm not sure if you have finished your taper or not) have an awful time getting your permit? What length permit do you get? In the past I've received a couple of 2 year permits, then my most recent one for was 12 weeks, which allowed me time to see my Psychiatrist and justify  my dosage to obtain a new permit.

 

As I just mentioned, I'm hoping to do an at home taper over the course of 8 months under my GP's supervision with Valium substitution. I don't know how much experience she has in this field (my GP of the last 10 years recently retired and handed me over to her). I live in a rural area in Victoria where I think I'd receive a blank stare if I asked around for a Benzo-wise doctor! My only hope is that my GP allows me some autonomy in this. My Psychiatrist was absolutely adamant that I needed to be in a 4-6 week rapid detox in a private hospital, but I can imagine that level of suffering and I can also imagine the percentage of people who relapse after that kind of trauma. He's also retiring, so his opinion won't be a problem when I decide to pull the trigger on this.

 

Thank-you for your reply to my post.

Hi.

I was on 5 mg if Valium for 5 months. I was adduced it was ok to just stop with no taper.  So I cold turkeyed - which I do not recommend at all.  I didn’t need a permit for Valium. It was for a knee injury. Can you find a benzo savvy dr. & so zoom consults? It will help enormously if you have a knowledgeable Benzo wise dr.  Follow the Ashton manual. No more than 5 - 10% taper per fortnight. You won’t need a permit for Valium as far as I know.  You are strong. You can do this

Hi Anti-Benzo7 

I take the whole 4mg at 9:30pm each night, and have done so for about a decade, before that I was on 3mg for 8 years. It doesn't help me sleep, often I'm wide awake 3 or 4 hours after the 4mg dose. I don't often have any breakthrough anxiety within the next 24 hours so have never had to break up the dose (though I'm not the most emotionally stable person around, I get easily stressed and have a multitude of other symptoms that might/might not be related to peri-menopause) and don't think I have withdrawal symptoms in between doses. But if I don't have the 4mg at 9:30pm, by midnight or so I start to feel it, skin crawling anxiety and discomfort. I recently went to sleep and didn't take my Xanax and the next day I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, I had awful withdrawals and it took me until after lunchtime to figure out why I was feeling that way, and to realise I was in withdrawal. That little taste of withdrawal was enough to scare the heck out of me.

It's really reassuring to me that you think I might be able to achieve this slow taper without massive life-altering suffering.

Machka, I wish you the best of luck and I'm sending all the positive vibes I have!

I have that issue too, peri-menopause / PMS / Benzo illness? Some of the symptoms overlap, I don't know how to attribute a symptom to a particular issue. That's why I dream about being drug free...can you imagine just feeling what other people feel? Organic unmedicated joy? I don't remember that.

I was told by my prescriber that she would not allow me to follow the Ashton Manual (I sent her a link to the manual because a friend sent it to me) because she did not know how I would do with Valium. So I trusted her and reduced way too fast and basically cold-turkey’d. Went from 2 mg to nothing of klonipin in about three and a half weeks. Oh my goodness..... It’s over now and I hope the worst of it is behind me but the biggest thing I learned was that a fast taper is NOT the way to go if you happen to be one of the people this withdrawal can be challenging for (because as was mentioned earlier) there are people for whom it is a non-issue. They are not on this site.

Also, many people can taper without switching to valium. The key seems to be going slowly. But even if a person makes all the mistakes (me), healing is the eventual outcome. Hold on to that.

Whatever you decide to do, the only advice I have is to research as much as possible and have all the information. In Vancouver there is a big support network. There is a Dr Richard Wright there who may still be practicing but I have heard there is a Benzo support network there. I know Vancouver is not Victoria but if you can find the help there maybe they can help remotely or provide a referral? I found all of this when I was going down rabbit holes to find answers myself. I will try to do some research for you but for now, hang in there and know you are not alone in this!

http://vbsg.ca/

Here is a relevant portion of this site:

Dr. James M. Wright, M.D., Ph.D., FRCPC

Director – Therapeutics Initiative and Professor - Anesthesiology, Pharmacology and Therapeutics

University of British Columbia - Department of Anesthesiology, Pharmacology and Therapeutics

Email: jmwright@mail.ubc.ca Otherwise: call 604-822-4270 for an appointment.

2) Dr. Larina Reyes-Smith:

Works at the Alliance Clinic in Surrey where physicians together have over 25 years of experience managing patients struggling with addiction disorders in detox facilities, hospital inpatient units, recovery homes and other sites. Qualifications include board certification from the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) and certification from the Canadian Society of Addiction Medicine (CSAM). Larina works at Health Local: 10085 Whalley Blvd Surrey Tel: 604-582-5826 For more information click here.