For me its time for my success story

This is my last post here on benzobuddies. Its time to move on for good. I think I in many ways can say this is my success story even though I have 2.5 very persistant sxs left. But! They dont stop me from living a OK life. I am function to 80-90% most days now. Yes some days are worse.way worse. But I can live like this. 

And for me who was suicidal so many years for me this is my success. I love my life anyway even the bad days.

 

 

My story was brutal. I was so sick on benzo, during taper and relapase. During my extreme CT 2017. I think I had all symptoms in the book and for sure not known either. I was in hospital for over 3 months during 2017 (psychward) I almost died when I was forced CT from my psych drs. I could not walk, talk,read, write my name, I had extreme akathisia so bad I lost all my toe nails after walking nonstop during every  day for almost 13 months. I was so scared of my husband, my dog, my home, my kids.but most scared of myself and my brain/body  i didnt trust myself for a minute. My physical symptoms was brutal so was also the mental with racing intrusive OCD DR DP & oh these crazy existensial thoughts (still have some days).

 

It was during my 3 year it started to change more and more. My backpack of sxs started to get less heavy and it was about to get less heavy in a good direction pretty fast with some bumps here and there. And this year (I was 4 years off 1 november 2021) I really got it. This is it for now. The rest is bonus for me. I am happy with 80-90% 😃.

 

 

I dont think all success lie in being back 100 % not for me anyway. For those who remember me, you might remember my fight thru this years. I am happy to say that Sundance has learned to dance again in the sun even on cloudy days.

Whats left is my inner electric stupid stuff. My dr say its RLS or Ellis ekboms disease. Its caused by low dopamine. Makes sense. I have dr dp still but I am used to it. I had it pre benzo too I realize that now. And oh these crazy OCD/racing thoughts yes some days some weeks but like today nothing. It comes when I get stressed out about stuff.

 

 

I became an benzobuddie member 2016 in september I think. This trip has been the worst time in my whole life. It has been so bumpy so many tears, fears, millions of sxs, millions of thoughts and doubts. I was a zombie a walking dead. Today I drive again, I travel, I enjoy the gym several days a week, I study, I cook and clean. In january I am about to start work again as a nurse (YEAH! but just part time) I love every minute of my very fragile life. I have lose almost all weight I put on from Seroquel I have thru healthy diet and exercise lost over 20 kg. I take care of mylself and my family again. I can focus, feel love and happiness. Maybe I will get setbacks one day or I might not. Maybe I wont getback to 100% but as I said this is my success story.

To all of you. If I could do this YOU CAN! I promise

Lots of love to all of you. To those who had help me thru this. For all support for all caring to all fighters. You are true heroes ❤️.

 

I cry when I texted this. Not because I am sad . I cry because I had survive the worst thing a human can experience in a life time. I cry of relief,  I feel free

Next year I will be 53 years old. I lost my last years as 40 something to benzo and benzo withdrawal. I cant look back now. It wont help. I must look forward. To a new better Year 2022. To a new me bc I am not the one I once was. I am better. Stronger. And I will never ever take anything for granted again. Life is fragile 

Sundance the swedish benzo survivor 🇸🇪

 

Oh wow SS I am crying tears of joy for you!!!! I am so happy you made it through because you really had a rough journey. Enjoy your life to the fullest! :smitten:

 

PG

Congratulations! You are an amazing person for surviving this. Thank you for sharing. I hope it continues to get better.

Omg yes Sundance x wonderful xx amazing fight!

What a story! Thank you so much for sharing it. You truly lived through hell, I am so moved by your progress and recovery. Wishing you all the best.

Congratulations SD. Wish you all the best for the future, and hopefully one day you'll make 100%

OUr sister is home. OUr sister is free.

 

12.25.21 :smitten:

Thanks SD

Im so happy for you ! You did it

Sundance, it's good you're feeling better and are happy now.

This is awesome - enjoy! Xx

Congratulations SD!!! I love your success story, It really encouraging. Thanks for sharing it . You are very strong you are amazing , you deserve to be happy now enjoy your life !

So very happy for you, Sundance! 

Congratulations! I am so happy for you! I am right behind you in age! I am 52 and I am just now one month off Xanax. Your story is inspiring. Enjoy your freedom!

 

Take Care,

 

HM

Congratulations on this important milestone!!!  Enjoy all good things as you go into the wonderful world of recovery!  You certainly walked the walk, and a difficult one it was!

 

GG

Sundance, I'm crying here too reading your story, I'm still sick 3.5 years into it, I hope I can write a story like this too one day, and I hope the last 2.5 symptoms you have left leave very soon:), thank you for sharing your experience. You are a true warrior, you beat the benzos!!

So so happy for you! Congratulations!

Can I ask did you had a headpain or scalp pain and if you  had how long you had it?

Yes, majority of them reach 80-90% few years post jump, but i wonder if the body can heal itself 90%, why would it spare the remaining? Is it like we continue to live forever with the remaining 10%? Or the healing continues indefinitely for the remaining 10%?

 

Well of course we don't know, as very few reported 100%, because the level of suffering we all go thru even 50% feels like a gift somewhat. But there is very little info about the bridge from 90 percent to 100 percent.. Anyone please enligten me.

Also what about the pre existing conditions pre benzos like ocd, anxiety? Do they go or stay?

Sundance this is fabulous to hear. How wonderful to read a success story. I wish you a continued enjoyable symptoms free life. Wow you had a tough journey but you persevere and now look at your reward. I’m sure you will get to 100% but if you don’t then as you said you can still live a great life. I thank you for taking the time to write this. Those of us still in this really needed to read such hope as you expressed. May you continue to be happy and live your life free.

Sundance , congratulations!  I hope you continue to feel better and so glad you’ve shared this with us.  The success stories here are what keep many of us encouraged and motivated to keep going forward.

Enjoy your life !

You will never again doubt your strength and ability to rise above.  I’m happy for you.  You’ve made it.  🙏

Hey sundanceshuman, thank you for your success story. I’m at a similar point in my recovery to you. It does indeed get better.

Thank you so much for sharing your success with those of us still in the throes of recovery.  I don't know how you did it, but you did and now the future is all yours!!!  Best of luck to you.

Oh Sundance I am happy for you! I've read all your posts since I've come on here - so to see you at this point warms my heart. you have definitely struggled and your journey has been challenging to say the least!

 

May your future years be so full of good that the years you lost just fade in the distance:).

Wow Sundance that is amazing. I'm the mother of a 12yr old boy and I'm struggling madly. Wish we could chat