Question for the healed….

So  do you just wake up one day and feel normal? Back to baseline? Like how does this work? I understand you slowly get better, but then one day do you just wake up and you are yourself again?

Kind of. You just feel less crappy and then hey, I’m not that bad anymore. Then you learn to trust that you’re getting better and test the boundaries. Try not to feel dependent on being not well.

I like what John said, perhaps I'd say it this way:  allow a new life and you to evolve, to find you ... it's waiting for you, the new or old you the new or different life, the ways you are much better off and the ways life will bring things to you.

 

Your taper was fast and you are so young in stopping!!! I took about 9 months to taper and feel like I'm still evolving out of years of use.

 

How are you feeling? How are you doing? What was your med? CONGRATULATIONS!!!! 

No, feeling better is gradual. You notice things like: oh, I can go into stores with fluorescent lights without my sunglasses; or, the noise of the PA system doesn't bother me any more in Walmart; or I don't freak out in the vegetable section of Safeway because the green peppers look intimidating; or I'm not frightened to death of having a panic attack in the Post Office so it's okay to stand in line; or I really can write that essay/book review/poem (whatever your job is) . . . I can think of the words again;, or I'm not afraid to talk to people (I used to be frightened that I'd go brain dead and get tongue-tied).

 

But how many of us actually remember how we felt before benzos? I don't. I can do the same things I could do before benzos but I FEEL like a different person. Older (uh huh) wiser, a little sadder, but more appreciative of both big and little things -- the way the sky looks at sunset, the bushy tail of a squirrel in my oak tree, the cobalt blue crest of that saucy jay. And I'm very grateful for my re-discovered mental competence. I was dumb as a rock on benzos. Now . . . I can actually remember my phone number and where I put my bank statement. (Just kidding).

 

So, no these things don't happen all at once. But for me they happened. And, as I said, a new thing happened -- appreciation for the things I probably took for granted.

 

Best to you,

 

Katz

Very well said Katz

 

I'm far from healed but this experience sure makes you not take little things for granted.

YES, what Katz said. I really identify with what you wrote. OMG I just didn't know that all the crazy limits and discomforts I was having in life, in the world and especially going places ... noises, smells, lights ... had no idea it was the meds I too. But, Katz, just kidding? LOLOLOL c'mon tell me you know where your bank statement is. Cute!!!

For me it was a gradual awakening.

 

I started to feel better, less depressed and sad, when I got lower on the medication.

 

When I stepped off after a 22 month taper, I had been functional for the last year.  Functional didn't mean optimistic or positive but I was functional and not in a deep depression that the medication caused.

 

After I stepped off I was spacey but stable.  I had about two waves, which lasted about a week, where I felt the I used to when my cuts caught up with me.  I also had intense emotional reactions to different things, grief and anger came up about past situations that I did not get a chance to fully feel about in withdrawal.

 

Now, at 10 months off, I feel pretty good.  Again, this occurred over these past months and I describe it like walking in a mist and it getting clearer, and clearer.  I feel optimistic about life and can enjoy so many things.  I feel about 85-90% healed and know it's going to get better and better.

 

I

 

 

But, Katz, just kidding? LOLOLOL c'mon tell me you know where your bank statement is.

 

Yes, Kachina. I now NOW where it is, but for awhile there I didn't even open it when it came in the mail. Ai yi. And I figured, as the old joke goes, "I must have money in my account because I still have checks". 

 

 

Katz

Right ... taking meds to cope with life and being less able to cope ... ugh!! Why is it legal!!!

PS forgive me but you now KNOW not now now, bow wow!

I like reading the responses to this question.  A good question.  I hope more ppl post here.

 

For me I really can sense that things are getting better OVERALL, but there are moments and days/weeks that are still pretty tough.  And because of those waves I am not confident.  Even when I feel pretty good, I take a moment to be grateful for it, but I'm always apprehensive that the next moment it will be gone.  I can't seem to get to that point where I forget about the whole thing and just live life.  This "thing" is always hanging over my head and thoughts.  It consumes me really.  It's the last thing I think about before I go to bed and it's the first thing I think about each morning.  Perhaps I need more distractions - or a life.

 

 

Deanna, I'm the sae, though much earlier in my journey than you. I seem to alternate a week of wave, a week of window, though sometimes both have lasted longer. I had a month long window and was juuuust about starting to be able to forget about withdrawal for good chunks of the day before a wave hit again.

 

Now, due to the alternating nature of my windows and waves, I have no real sense of stability. When I'm in a wave, I worry it is going to last forever. When I'm in a window, I worry it is going to end any moment.

Great question,

 

I wish more people who r further out from jump and truly back to 100% healing would respond, but they r probably out there enjoying their lives.

 

Until I feel at least a couple of months back to back of feeling 95-100%, I would not respond to this question in the sense that we still don’t know when and how that final wave will last/occur… hence the question is for those who have healed completely…

 

I think Pamster stated in her signature that at the 14 month mark, she felt healed within days… so, maybe we will wake up one day feeling normal, and then it’ll be more than one day at a time, until it becomes weeks and months…

 

On a positive note: I felt one day (24 hrs) of 100% healing in month 9 and one day in month 10… so there are glimpses of complete healing, but at this time, just glimpses 😔

 

Hope more people respond to this, we r all curious… Pamster if u want to chime in 😬 would really appreciate it…

 

Karla