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Day 8


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CT from 2 years of on/off Valium use. Was using almost daily, and needed to take 20mg to get (anxiolytic) effect, so there was tolerance. Also had problems with alcohol.

 

Withdrawal symptoms started for real on day 3. Tonight was the first night I couldnt sleep. Slept for perhaps 2 hours maximum. Feeling almost unbearable at times, but I have been having those moments from day 3 on, so they have stayed pretty much the same, at least for now.

 

Thing is, I am in AirBnB in another country, and if I follow my plan Im supposed to fly to my previous home country tomorrow morning. That is 4 hour 30 minutes in an airplane. I have 80mg of Propranol to control the shakes but nothing else. Both airfields are familiar so I think I should be able to make it. But thinking about it scares the shit out of me...

In that destination location I have booked hotel for a week, and I have checked that there is detox clinic nearby, if I need to get help. I figured hotel is safer than my current AirBnb for this since I am travelling alone.

 

Other option is that I take shorter (1 hour) flight and then 2h train to my moms place. But I would not like her and rest of my family to see me in this shape, without being able to help, perhaps for a very long time. Still, when those terrors hit I always seem to go to that primitive place where I start missing my mom and I only want to go there. But she cant help with this, and she is very emotional so it would be terrifying for her to see her son in this shape.

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Aww hey there,

I'm so sorry for your pain. I cannot tell you what to do. But for me, it was to not be alone. So whatever you decide is best I hope you won't be alone:)

And I made through traveling by car for 2 days in VERY acute withdrawal, so best wishes on traveling, I know it's super scary!

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Aww hey there,

I'm so sorry for your pain. I cannot tell you what to do. But for me, it was to not be alone. So whatever you decide is best I hope you won't be alone:)

And I made through traveling by car for 2 days in VERY acute withdrawal, so best wishes on traveling, I know it's super scary!

 

I cant imagine travellling 2 days by car, but that trip I did yesterday was the most difficult thing I have ever done, I didnt even know what agoraphobia is before going out there. Like different parts of my body (including my jaws) were shaking uncontrollably etc. Got a nice calm window of some 12 hours after it though (at least from psychological symptoms).

 

I realized too that being alone made it worse. Talking to someone does help.

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