21 months since jumping

There’s a book called “When you’re falling - dive” I read it yonks ago - wayyyy before Benzo’s & BWD. Through my benzo brain fog I can’t remember if it’s any good - tomorrow it will be 21 months since I jumped.  Some of those 21 months I’ve tried to dive - but most of it I’ve just been falling.  But I’m still here.  At times only just - but I’m still here. Gradually the waves are tipping down the scale of brutality. I’m still getting new symptoms.  The other day my teeth hurt on & off.  Then crazy groin pain that came & went. Stress still floors me.  I don’t pray to a god that I wish would listen & take me home quite as often now.  I still wish if said no to that benzo prescription.  But I didn’t.  I willingly said yes & with that the whole slew of lessons that comes along with the wonderfully brutal, torturous, barbaric hell that BWD is.  One day I’ll get out if it.  One day.

Sounds like progress is being made. Onwards and upwards to full healing

There is one thing that we should try to be greatful for in all this. That after what we have been thru, one day when were better, nothing will touch us. We will be so mentally strong literally nothing will bring us down.

 

Just. Keep. Swimming.

Hi Bess, you do sound as if you are seeing some improvement, and that is a good thing!  And, yes, to what Shayna, said! 

 

Hugs,

 

GG

Sounds like progress is being made. Onwards and upwards to full healing

 

Thanks Mare.  How are you going? )

There is one thing that we should try to be greatful for in all this. That after what we have been thru, one day when were better, nothing will touch us. We will be so mentally strong literally nothing will bring us down.

 

Just. Keep. Swimming.

 

Totally! That’s such a good way of looking at it. We’re gonna be untouchable that’s for sure. Hope your day is good lovely. Xx

Hi Bess, you do sound as if you are seeing some improvement, and that is a good thing!  And, yes, to what Shayna, said! 

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

Thanks GG. How are you going? )

Bess I’m proud of you. You’re doing great taking on such a monster as this. I’m wishing you well sweetie. Keep your head up and remember that you’re well on your way to full recovery. I’m right behind you in this.  We’ll be writing our success story soon.

Bess, I read someone's post yesterday (cannot remember whose) who said they felt as bad the day before they healed as they had ever felt.  That can happen.  At 21 months, you are so so close to this being over, whether it happens overnight or slowly over the next 2-3 months.  You're there.  Just know that.  Thanks for posting. 

Bess I’m proud of you. You’re doing great taking on such a monster as this. I’m wishing you well sweetie. Keep your head up and remember that you’re well on your way to full recovery. I’m right behind you in this.  We’ll be writing our success story soon.

 

Ohhh this is so lovely.  Thank you.  Right back at you.  I’ve woken up with the horrors at 4am.  Had some stressful stuff happen yesterday & then ate the wrong things,  oh well. Onwards. Hope your day is going ok xx

Bess, I read someone's post yesterday (cannot remember whose) who said they felt as bad the day before they healed as they had ever felt.  That can happen.  At 21 months, you are so so close to this being over, whether it happens overnight or slowly over the next 2-3 months.  You're there.  Just know that.  Thanks for posting.

 

Try hanks s as o much! I hope your day is going ok )

Almost 22 & a half months since jumping. Had a wretched wave at 22 months off but still here. Had moments of normalacy which was precious. Hopeful I’ll be healed soon. Hoping hoping hoping.

Hello Sweet Bess.  I am with you on this crappola holding on in this 20 plus months timeframe.  I am 20 months plus two weeks, and feel as if I am back in the early days of sore jaw, sinus issues, and just plain old flu-like feeling.  I had to be put on an antibiotic as my urine culture in the ER showed a UTI, and my doctor thinks I have a concurrent bacterial infection making me feel so awful.  So, I started ceftin this morning and my doctor thinks I should start to feel better in two to three days.  I am praying that I do, as I want to feel good for the holidays.  Last year at this time I felt great for two weeks and had a merry merry holiday.

 

What are your symptoms now??? 

 

Hugs,

 

GG

Bess how are you feeling? I also would like to know your symptoms and if they’re now mild? Are your windows longer?

GG I hope you get better soon.

I feel much better, thanks for asking LadyDen.  Lots of good news from doctors today:  UTI cleared, sinuses are fine, and it has been confirmed by my dentist and my ENT that my TMJ flare up was causing the ear pressure, sinus pain, jaw pain.  Have a brand new mouth appliance which should soon help to calm down the jaw muscles, and at the first if the year I will be having a major teeth cleaning, a tooth extraction, and an overall plan to get my mouth, gums and teeth back in a more pristine condition.  Ones mouth can cause a whole litany of health issues and pain.

 

Plus, I started back today with PT and had a good massage which helped to release the tension in my neck and shoulders.  Most of my bwd symptoms have centered around head pain, jaw pain, and neck pain stemming from extreme muscle tension.,..good old Valium is a major muscle relaxer so when it is removed, the muscles tighten up like a ......can’t think of a good analogy....tired!

 

Finally, all my obgyn issues have cleared up and I have zero pre-cancerous cells, so am extremely relieved on that front. 

 

I was able to do most of the last bit of decorating today, and I plan to bake brownies and Alabama Fire Crackers Saturday and Sunday as hostess gifts.  Am definitely going to pace myself to ward off a bad wave.

 

Now, who else is ready to share their current benzo status???

 

Hugs,

 

GG

Hello Sweet Bess.  I am with you on this crappola holding on in this 20 plus months timeframe.  I am 20 months plus two weeks, and feel as if I am back in the early days of sore jaw, sinus issues, and just plain old flu-like feeling.  I had to be put on an antibiotic as my urine culture in the ER showed a UTI, and my doctor thinks I have a concurrent bacterial infection making me feel so awful.  So, I started ceftin this morning and my doctor thinks I should start to feel better in two to three days.  I am praying that I do, as I want to feel good for the holidays.  Last year at this time I felt great for two weeks and had a merry merry holiday.

 

What are your symptoms now??? 

 

Hey lovely GG!

 

Ohhhhh I’m so sorry you are suffering lovely.  I hope you e turned a big humongous healing corner & you’re being kind to yourself.

 

I’m in a wave but keeping my head above water.  I watched “the secret” on Netflix & am reading the book.  Some of it is about the law of attraction & how you create your reality with your thoughts & words etc.  so I’m trying not to focus on my symptoms & instead I have on repeat “I am healing, I am healing, I am healing”.  Yesterday the pattern  was a wave, Window, Wave, Window.  I’m hoping this is a good sign .  Fingers crossed! Be good to your lovely self xxx

 

Bess how are you feeling? I also would like to know your symptoms and if they’re now mild? Are your windows longer?

GG I hope you get better soon.

 

LadyD!  How are you lovely?  I hope you’re being kind & good to your lovely self. 

 

I’m

I’m a wave as we speak.  I’ve been watching “the secret” on Netflix & reading the book.  It’s all about the law of attraction & where our attention goes, energy flows.  So I’m trying not to focus on my symptoms but instead I have on repeat in my head “I’m healing, I’m healing, I’m healing”.  Yesterday the pattern was wave, window, wave, window - I’m hoping this is a good sign. This wave is brutal.  Waves are wayyyyy longer than the windows & I still have some symptoms In the windows sometimes.  But oh well - one foot in front of the other.  I hope you’re doing ok lovely xxx

I feel much better, thanks for asking LadyDen.  Lots of good news from doctors today:  UTI cleared, sinuses are fine, and it has been confirmed by my dentist and my ENT that my TMJ flare up was causing the ear pressure, sinus pain, jaw pain.  Have a brand new mouth appliance which should soon help to calm down the jaw muscles, and at the first if the year I will be having a major teeth cleaning, a tooth extraction, and an overall plan to get my mouth, gums and teeth back in a more pristine condition.  Ones mouth can cause a whole litany of health issues and pain.

 

Plus, I started back today with PT and had a good massage which helped to release the tension in my neck and shoulders.  Most of my bwd symptoms have centered around head pain, jaw pain, and neck pain stemming from extreme muscle tension.,..good old Valium is a major muscle relaxer so when it is removed, the muscles tighten up like a ......can’t think of a good analogy....tired!

 

Finally, all my obgyn issues have cleared up and I have zero pre-cancerous cells, so am extremely relieved on that front. 

 

I was able to do most of the last bit of decorating today, and I plan to bake brownies and Alabama Fire Crackers Saturday and Sunday as hostess gifts.  Am definitely going to pace myself to ward off a bad wave.

 

Now, who else is ready to share their current benzo status???

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

GG this is awesome that you have no one cancerous cells - yippeeeee! Such a relief.  I’m

Glad you have good specialists to help you.  Your baking sounds Devine - enjoy your lovely self xxx

I’ve also been having more waves lately. I’m guessing it’s because I’ve hit a milestone of 18 months off. I’m pushing myself a bit to keep trying to walk outside to get sun and fresh air. It sure does make me happy going out there even if it’s just 5-6 minutes. Hopefully me you and GG are at our end of this. It’s so ridiculous and tiring. But apparently it’s necessary to heal. Sounds like we are rapid cycling. GG your report was good to hear. I’m happy that you are cancer free and doing better. Bess, when those waves are tough then all you can do is distract and keep going. Good thing you have a cute fur baby to help you pass the time. Stay strong. I’ve got a feeling that this coming year will be our year and we can put this chapter of our lives behind us. 

I’ve also been having more waves lately. I’m guessing it’s because I’ve hit a milestone of 18 months off. I’m pushing myself a bit to keep trying to walk outside to get sun and fresh air. It sure does make me happy going out there even if it’s just 5-6 minutes. Hopefully me you and GG are at our end of this. It’s so ridiculous and tiring. But apparently it’s necessary to heal. Sounds like we are rapid cycling. GG your report was good to hear. I’m happy that you are cancer free and doing better. Bess, when those waves are tough then all you can do is distract and keep going. Good thing you have a cute fur baby to help you pass the time. Stay strong. I’ve got a feeling that this coming year will be our year and we can put this chapter of our lives behind us. 

 

Thanks lovely,  I’m sorry to hear you’re in the midsts of ghastly waves but I’m so so proud of you getting out! Go you! Make sure you don’t super over do it though - this of course is wayyyyyy easier said than done.  2022 is totally gonna be our year to heal - totally, thoroughly heal! We won’t know ourselves or ever look back.  Soon, soon it will happen.

 

It’s Christmas Day here.  I devoured Turkey with skin & it’s thrown me into an anxious pond of quick sand.  Oh well. Onwards.  Big love to you gorgeous girl xxx