Hi Im new here

Hello,

 

I was on klonopin for 8 years and was up to 4 mg towards the end. I started getting very sick inbetween doses and decided to go off of it.  I got off 4 mg in 10 weeks and 2 weeks afterward had a seizure and ended up in the ER and then in psych ward on 2 mg of Ativan and 100 mg of Seroquel. As soon as I was out of the hospital, I quickly started tapering off the Ativan, however I did give myself 2 months as I learned not to go too fast. 

 

As of today I am 3 months off and still have many w/d s/x and just need some help and encouragement.

 

Thanks,

Sunny71

 

p.s. should I change my forum name since someone else here has "sunny"?  If so, how can I change it?

 

 

Hi Sunny71, Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you, I know how painful it is to cold turkey, which is about what you did!  I'm so glad you're benzo free now and planning to stay that way.  It's a rough road, but you're doing what you need to be doing, figuring out how to make it through this to reclaim your life.

 

We'll help you all we can, welcome!

 

Pam

I had no idea what I was doing when I started my taper. I wasn't informed at all about any of this stuff. I really thought I was going to die.

 

I am determined to stay benzo free, why would I ever do that to myself again?

 

Thanks Pam for the warm welcome. I look forward to getting to know everyone here.

Hi, Sunny71, and Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

Boy, you really are a benzo survivor!  That original taper is often recommended by our member's doctors, who think they can cut .5mg/week and be done.  As you found out, that is not a good plan.  I'm so glad to learn you are now benzo free and healing.  If you describe some of the symptoms that are causing you the most trouble someone may be able to offer some suggestions.  Most just need to resolve with time but occasionally we can lessen them at least for a bit by being proactive.  You are among friends who have at least an inkling of what you are going through. 

Hello and welcoming you to BB. Sorry to hear you had a c/t pretty much and are having a hard time. What are your current symptoms? Hang in there, it does get better. We are here for you.

Welcome to BB Sunny71.  You have had a tough time of it for sure.  Hopefully the post benzo sx will not be long for this world.

 

Jackson

Thanks so much for the warm welcome.

 

Some of you asked what my s/x are right now.  The biggest complaint I have is sleep problems, which I know is universal for benzo w/d.

 

I will be going along fine for a week or so and  out of no where I will start feeling awful,  chest pressure, like I can't breathe w/out effort.  The left side of my face vibrates and last week it took 3 days to come out of it. 

 

The fatigue is ridiculous.  Even if I do sleep well, I feel tired all the time. I am unable to nap, when I try to, the anxiety is awful.

 

Is it ok to say that I do take a medicine to help me sleep?  I'm not promoting it, but I want to be honest so that if someone can help, they know all the facts.

 

 

Your symptoms sound pretty typical, miserable but typical.  Many members have noticed feeling sensations on one side or the other, we took an informal poll one time to determine which side was more prevalent, no conclusions drawn. 

 

You can tell us what medications you're taking, perhaps we can help you decide it they're helpful or possibly harmful.

Thanks Pamster, yes miserable indeed!   

 

Ok, I'm taking 100 mg of Trazodone.  And sometimes I add 6.25 mg (1/4 of a 25 mg tablet) of Seroquel. I know all about Seroquel, and I hate it, but sometimes adding that tiny bit helps me sleep about 4 hours more a night.  I do not make that a practice though, only if I've gone days with less than 4 hours of sleep.

 

I took Trazodone for 10 years, and last December I started fainting all the time.  At the same time I was getting off of Effexor, Prozac, and Lamictal, but was taking 3 mgs of Klonopin. So in March I was hospitalized for the fainting spells as I couldn't even bend at the knees w/out passing out. Some genious cardiologist doctor c/t me off the Trazodone thinking it was the reason I was fainting, and increased my Klonopin to 4 mgs a day and put me on Ambien.  After a week I was hallucinating and almost psycotic because I went weeks and weeks w/ hardly any sleep. I was put in the psych ward and they tried several sleep drugs on me and let me go after a few days.  That was in May.  I quit taking everything because it was all useless and just making me sicker, but I didn't stop the Klonopin. I started getting so sick in between Klonopin doses that I decided to go off of it.  So in 10 weeks I stopped 4 mgs.  I was so sick it was beyond anything I could of ever imagined. 

 

After the seizure and another stint in the psych ward I was on the 2 mg of Ativan and 100 mg of Seroquel.  I begged my psych doctor to give me another chance with the Trazodone as it was the only thing that had ever helped me sleep w/out any side effects.  He agreed if I gave my license up (in case I started fainting again), so I got off the Seroquel and switched back to the Traz.  Hence why I'm on  Trazodone right now, but I think it's not working as well as it used to because I don't take the Klonopin w/it. 

 

I've tried to stop the Traz, but it just makes me sicker. I think my body is enough shock right now with benzo w/d, the last thing it can take is another w/d from Trazodone.

 

So....any suggestions?

Wow, what a nightmare of meds and hospitals, I'm so sorry!  You're doing exactly what you need to be doing right now, and that's holding on while you get through your Klonopin withdrawals.  There will be plenty of time to taper from the others and I think you'll find them easy comparatively speaking.  I've heard Lamictal is especially wicked to get off of, so congratulations on doing that.  I'm glad to hear you're treating the Seroquel with care, I've not heard much good about that one either.

 

I tried Trazodone too, but it really couldn't touch benzo insomnia, so like an idiot I went for the Ambien and really messed myself up.  I'm relieved to hear you're not taking it.  Unfortunately, the only thing that helps us through this is time, and that doesn't come in pill form, so just try to hang on and accept that it takes what it takes.

Hi Sunny,

 

Welcome to BB 

 

I just wanted to congratulate you on being benzo free!!  That is a great achievement, especially after all you have been through.  My heart goes out to you.

 

Hang in there - healing is happening.

Pam,

 

Yes, way too many stays in a psych ward for being a very sane person. It's very sad that all of these meds can make us look and act crazy when all we are is in w/d from them.

 

I'm glad to see that you agree with me on taking this one drug at a time. I have gotten off so many meds in the last year, Klonopin of course being the worse.  I can't imagine trying to get off the Trazodone at the same time. I feel like it's the only thing that is helping me sleep  enough to function. 

 

I am curious..I have come miles from where I was back in August, but did doing too fast of a taper make the w/d last longer?  Or will I heal about the same time as any other who did a slower taper?  And are most healed by a year or hopefully sooner?  I know noone can guarantee, just a ball park guess?

 

Hi Bevoir, Thank you for your kind words!

Good questions, but you're right, no one knows the answers.  I quit cold turkey, the wrong way to do it and yet, I feel I healed fairly quickly, if you can call 14 months quickly.    It's tough to say if the slow taper and the healing time after jumping vs the cold turkey has an affect on the time required.  The experts say yes, but I'm still undecided.  The pain of the cold turkey vs the pain of the taper from what I've seen is more intense, but everyone suffers, so who knows?  Not many are healed before a year, no matter what route they take, I'm sorry to say. 

I appreciate your honesty.  14 months aye      surely not at this intensity?  Am I wrong?

Hi Sunny71, for most the intensity fades as the months pass. Some of my symptoms are completely gone since I went off and most of the remaining ones at a little over 5 months off have faded so they are not as intense as they once were. I can work and do most normal things, shop, go out with friends, etc. I have even had a few late nights out dancing. I just try and ignore the symptoms and live as much of a normal life as I can. I do rest when I need to. I avoid drinking completely and limit caffeine, alcohol can set healing back from what I have seen many others deal with. So try not to worry, your healing might be very quick and as the months go by you will see improvements and start to feel better more then likely. Everyone eventually heals from this.

I appreciate your honesty.  14 months aye       surely not at this intensity?  Am I wrong?

 

As CW says, the symptoms lessen in severity, the problem is we get so worn down by this process, it's difficult to see improvement.  Plus, this stuff hits us psychologically and we become convinced we'll never heal, that we're doomed.  Our emotions take a beating as well, so since we're hit from every direction, it's difficult to see the past the pain.  But if you educate yourself about this process and accept that it takes what it takes, then you'll do a lot better.

Thanks CW, I read that about alcohol before and I haven't even had a sip.  Do you think I'll ever be able to drink a glass of wine with friends again?

 

Most days I can work past the s/x, other days I'm in bed miserable and sick.  I try to just roll w/it, but boy when they come back again it's hard.

 

I have had some psychological stuff, mainly OCD like thoughts and behavior.  It makes me quite irritable because I can't act on those obsessive thoughts.  I get all freaked out about cleanliness and  germs in my house, but don't have the energy to clean like a freak, so I end up angry and getting upset at my husband and kids because of their messes, yet when I'm "normal", their messes don't bother me like that. So everyone is miserable because of me.  It's hard.

 

Hey, do I stay with this thread, or should I go somewhere else to pick this up?

 

thanks all....sunny

You seem very aware of your withdrawal symptoms and their effect on you, you're able to put things in their proper perspective at least here; in the moment it's probably not so clear to you. 

 

You can stay here, or move to Withdrawal and Recovery Support, or is you'd like you could start a thread in Buddie Blogs. 

So true Pam. In that moment I can't think about anything, it's all about how I FEEL, I feel like my world is going to end if the house is not clean. I feel like it's going to turn me wrong side out.  But, right this second, when I am not feeling those feelings, I see how ridiculous it all sounds and is.

 

But that forunately is something that doesn't RULE my life, right now it's all about the anxiety/ pressure/ insomnia.

 

Has anyone ever complained of their lungs feeling like they are stones?  I feel like I have had bronchitis since I started tapering. I describe it as pressure in my chest, but I cough a lot, but I think mainly in response to the SENSATION of my lungs feeling like stones.

 

I learned way back that much of this is "sensations" and not actual physical problems.

anyone thats gone thru the benzo trip and had a partner ( husband, significant other) knows how hard it can be on the them.  They just don't understand how messed up you can get on this drug.  My wife stayed with me thru thick and thin, but the whole time I know a part of her thought I was exagerating the effects and symptoms I was going thru.  I changed to a completely different person than I was pre benzo.   

  those that are here fully understand and comprehend the horrendous effects these drugs have on us , because we all are either going thru the same thing or have gone thru it and come out the other side .  Hold on sunny, it will get better. 

st

Has anyone ever complained of their lungs feeling like they are stones?  I feel like I have had bronchitis since I started tapering. I describe it as pressure in my chest, but I cough a lot, but I think mainly in response to the SENSATION of my lungs feeling like stones.

 

I learned way back that much of this is "sensations" and not actual physical problems.

 

I've not had a chance to welcome you, so welcome to BB Sunny!

 

Many complaints of this, and you're right:  it's the sensation.  You can do a forum search and see other people who experienced it

 

 

Thank you softtail.  My husband is amazing.  It has been the hardest year of our life.  He has sat right by my side when I couldn't move. He lost 40 lbs in 4 months  because of his constant worrying about me.  We didn't know what was happening to me until I was already done with the taper.  We were terrified. But he is very tolerant when I go off on these OCD moments or crying episodes. I throw myself a pity party fairly regularly, though I try very hard not to, it just really gets overwhelming.  He's right there, holding me, crying with me.  As for my kids, they are great too, but I know they wish it would just get better.

 

Missy, thank you for welcoming me. I'm trying to learn my way around this forum and have yet to get my feel for it. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon.

 

 

I know how terrified you must have been when you didn't know what was happening to you, I didn't either.  I knew seizures were possible but beyond that, I was clueless, I thought I'd been poisoned.  I'm gratified to learn you have a supportive husband, you're lucky to have that, and smart to appreciate him for it. 

Well, it's not the best day for me.  I'm having intense anxiety despite the fact I'm not anxious or stressed about anything. 

My face is vibrating on the left side and I'm having difficulty breathing...again!  Ug!

 

I slept 9 hours last night, quite a treat for me indeed. I woke up exhausted but got myself put together and met my husband for lunch today.  He so badly wants me to feel good so I faked it, but he knows the real me and called me out on it. He told me how tired I looked    but he is right, my eyes are so dark and the bags under them could hold 10 lbs of potatoes each!

 

Dealing w/this doesn't ever get easier. The s/x may lighten up in their intensity sometimes, and I can even enjoy some down right good and normal days, but it never gets easy to cope with the s/x when they are amped up as they are now.

Most of us end up faking it, it's exhausting, your husband must be very observant to have noticed you were.  I know, even when the symptoms lessen, we're so beaten down by the process we can't appreciate it.  Plus the emotional beating we take keeps us down, never seeing anything good. 

 

I hated the vibrating.