Author Topic: Anhedonia or aphantasia  (Read 678 times)

[Buddie]

Anhedonia or aphantasia
« on: October 21, 2021, 08:44:13 am »
So I'm sitting here in my bed 10 o clock morning on a 400ug acid trip writing this, just so you're warned of my lack of sense if i shall say.

I wouldn't recommend to take any psychedelics in this PAWS state of mind, but i have tried anything else, and do not regret it. I do regret one thing. I'm not enjoying it like i used to, before all of this benzodiazepine use or any pharmaceuticals or chemical drugs. I think they've clouded my vision. It is called aphantasia

I guess that's what happened to my ability on seeing things in true color. It's as if a painter lost his paint or the zest for it. Very weird concept. The minds eye needs to imagine life as it should want to live it, and therefore shape it, but in this sense it's shattered.

Somehow it's okay, atleast i will know what it is, and keep living my life as it didn't even matter. If there's one thing this benzo problem has done, is making me numb to this kinda loss, maybe it will restore somehow one day. I hope so, and wish you well.  :angel:


VIDEO: https://youtu.be/Xa84hA3OsHU
« Last Edit: November 04, 2021, 01:25:56 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Anhedonia or aphantasia
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2021, 10:07:25 am »
Wow, that is so facinating. Perhaps it is a blinded imagination? I'm guessing it pertains to the auditory creative perception or a deafened imagination? I hear music going on in my head all the time, can't make it stop. But is really fascinating is how it might position the mind to the present moment. Yet, it doesn't sound like it means suspension of thought. Have to admit I spend a lot of time daydreaming, sights, sounds but from the past, obsessing over how I might change it. It seems depression is based on the past, or so it is with me.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Anhedonia or aphantasia
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2021, 01:17:28 pm »
So you can see visuals when you close your eyes, even if you have depression, but they are from the past? Did i understand you correctly?
Sometimes i can hear songs in my head, and sometimes i can visualize without being able to control it. Not often but sometimes, maybe meditation will cure this
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Anhedonia or aphantasia
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2021, 03:27:03 pm »
Wow, that is so facinating. Perhaps it is a blinded imagination? I'm guessing it pertains to the auditory creative perception or a deafened imagination? I hear music going on in my head all the time, can't make it stop. But is really fascinating is how it might position the mind to the present moment. Yet, it doesn't sound like it means suspension of thought. Have to admit I spend a lot of time daydreaming, sights, sounds but from the past, obsessing over how I might change it. It seems depression is based on the past, or so it is with me.


Congratulations on the past Norco CT.  I was on that several years ago and reduced it by a cut and hold taper over two months.  That drug made me feel euphoric and super happy high..until it was getting close to time for my next dose.  It took the chronic neck pain away so effectively.  Well, we all know why so many people get hooked on opioids, they make life seem great and they work for pain, but they are addictive, just like benzos are.  This benzo taper is MUCH harder and MUCH longer than the Norco, Geodon, Adderall , Mirtazipine and a slew of other AD's and psych meds I have been on in my life.  I really wanted to say way to go for all your hard work.  I'm also on Gabapentin 1600mg per day and that is now a controlled substance in my state.  I have tried to come off that before and the Sx were pretty bad, similar to benzos. Also, if I'm late in taking a dose of Gabapentin, I really feel w/d starting to set in.  You seem to have a stronger
tolerance for coming off meds than me and may not be able to relate to the gabapentin thing.  I get nervous when I think of tapering that way down the road after my benzo saga ends.  My personal goal is to be off of all psychiatric meds by 2023.  I've taken an assortment of them since I was in my late 20's..god if I only knew!  Did a lot of experimenting with recreational drug from high school forward, too.  Surprised my brain is still in good condition, all things considered.
Sending you good healing thoughts.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Anhedonia or aphantasia
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2021, 11:21:47 pm »
Cool to hear your story about those medications, and past experiences with withdrawal. I've also taken a load of prescriptions, which probably led to my benzo use. It's been a year since i stopped use of benzos, and 2 months since i stopped escitalopram. Can't say i'm feeling better or worse, but at least i'm not waking up with symptoms, and my deppression is better.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Anhedonia or aphantasia
« Reply #5 on: November 03, 2021, 08:32:39 pm »
Glad to hear it. Stay well, buddy.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Anhedonia or aphantasia
« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2021, 02:53:20 pm »

Opiates can lift me out of depression where nothing else will. I've had to go on/off several times, back, heart surgeries, Neck injury, now it's knee injury for which I need surgery. Getting off is tough but nothing compared to Benzos. Gabapentin wasn't addictive until I got up to a higher dosage. Now I can't get off it, the depression sets in, just as you indicated, after missing just one dose and gets intolerable by 3 days. I have to forget that getting off until Benzo recovery, if I ever do. Gabapentin is a tolerance thing for me. I never took it for fun as with Opiates. As did illicit drugs high school and fwd. Weed for about 15 yrs solid, plus a few others. Weed was the only thing that didn't have heavy consequences. But that's been over about 30 yrs now. I'm just glad I never got heavily into alcohol. I've had depression most of my life, anxiety as well. Had social anxiety that ruined my life. I'm not particularly strong, I have a low tolerance for pain. I guess everyone is different.

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Anhedonia or aphantasia
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2021, 07:30:06 pm »
We're all holding on.  I'm totally dependent on Gabapentin, too. If I miss one dose during the day, I can feel it big time after about 5-6hours after the last dose. The gabapentin w/d, even as little as 100mg, gives me Sx just like the benzo w/d. Like you, I can't come off the gabapentin until after the benzos, hopefully by late next year.  I'm very sensitive to medications and getting off of them has always been a struggle. I can't believe I tapered myself off Opioids five years ago because I was dependent on them. Benzos are MUCH worse to come off with more risk of permanent or long-lasting Sx.
I feel there is going to be the same awareness that came about regarding opiod addiction, but this time with benzos.  It is the sleeping giant of a huge epidemic not yet uncovered.   I was reading the during the pandemic, benzo prescriptions rose nationwide by 40%!  That brings a lot more people into the mxi who are going to have to go through getting off these drugs.  Good to read your posts.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.