RECOVERY!!

Good morning all of you

 

this is a message of hope for  all of you struggling with their tapering, for all of you suffering of brain fog and wondering whether recovery exists, for everyone who used to bright and feels now like total idiot because the words you read don't make any sense due to brain fog.

I stopped using Diazepam after almost 20 years of addiction : 16/03/2020 was my last day using Diazepam after tapering for 6 months from 10mg.

It was a hell like I have never experienced. After the physical tortures, the worse was yet to come : the post acute withdrawal symptoms.

I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't sleep, couldn't understand what I read. I couldn't form correct sentences. And yet, I had to keep working full time as I am the only breadwinner in my family, therefore no chance to stop working for a while.

I used to be very bright, I could study easily. I would read books and books for weeks before Diazepam hit in. I really felt sorry for myself and was very angry at doctors who put me on this poison. But what good does it do to be angry. It is best to concentrate on positive thoughts because anger and stress worsen the brain fogs.

So I started reading very slowly. First in my native language, I am french. Believe me, it was like learning to talk and read as young children do. I would  google the simplest words and look for the images : words were too abstract to understand.

I started using google lens : when I couldn't find the name of simple object like clothes  or a kitchen utensil, I made a picture of it, and found the name.

I was rebuilding the vocabulary I lost : my brain was totally empty.  I figured that the day my neurons would fire back together, they would find the new word I googled and if it is double in my brain library, they would skip it or delete it. Funny ideas.

It took 1,5 years. I am still doing it because it is like a complete stock of words t got washed off my brain.

But somehow, I learned also new words from daily life because we don't bother exploring new vocabulary when all is going well. I started wondering about any object I couldn't name and googled it.

I then finally start reading, first in French, always with a dictionary at my side and taking notes, also visualizing the words in images. My visual memory got very sharp and I train it everyday. It helps tearing out the brain fog.

Now, I read in French, Dutch and English. And each book helps me make enormous progress. My trick remains : a word I don't know/remember = a image of that word printed in my cornea.

This morning,  19 months after quitting Diazepam, my brain feels very sharp and bright. I am preparing presentation for my work, giving explanation and chairing meetings  in foreign languages.

 

I wanted to share this post with you because at my worst moments, I looked for some testimonial posting on recovery. Whenever I found one, It gave me hope for the future : I wanted to be your message of hope for you, out there fighting to beat the addiction, beat the withdrawal.

 

IT DOES GET BETTER!!

 

 

 

Thank you for a wonderfully uplifting post, which is always welcomed with open arms by your fellow buddies still in the battle back to homeostasis!

 

I wish you continued healing!

 

GG

Thank you for your post 🙏🏼

Thank you for encouraging others and may you continue to shine! :smitten:

 

PG

How were the depression and mental symptoms and sleep

Whenever a new success story comes it should give a lot of hope, but for me even a single negative post grabs all attention and makes me blind to all the positive one.

 

I am so happy for you n everyone who crossed the stormy sea.

But I am feeling depression now and feel I can't be out of it.

 

Thank you 

Thank you for this wonderful message of hope! Our members need to these messages, I know I clung to Success Stories during the dark days of withdrawal.

 

I'm impressed with your language skills!

 

pianogirl 

Thank you for sharing this! Your messages give me so much hope as now I am on 16 months of my recovering. I hope at month 19th I would be healed like you 

Thank you for your encouraging words.  Wishing you continued healing and many blessings.