3 Months Since Cold Turkey, STUGGLING WITH MENTAL SYMPTOMS

Hi everyone, I was up late last night reading stories of those who went cold turkey and it seems like a lot of people don't recover, or if they do its people who only experienced physical symptoms. I have some fatigue and issues sleeping but it is nothing compared to the worry I have about never healing from my severe mental symptoms I struggle with. Its been 91 days since I last touched a benzo and I have experienced 0 relief in my mental symptoms. If I were able to see any improvement than I would know healing is possible and happening, but I wake up every day feeling just as shitty as I did the day before. I know I am very early on in my recovery but every week that goes by without improvement scares me to death. I am really afraid of getting to the one year mark without experiencing improvement. The only thing that keeps me somewhat hopeful is that I am still so early. I'm 21 years old and feel like I've ruined my brain for the rest of my life with 2.5 months use of high dose xanax. My mental symptoms are extreme cog fog, extreme depression, fear of never recovering, social awkwardness (not being able to successfully conversate with people), and high anxiety. Please provide me with reassurance if you have experienced anything like this. I really need it right now.

Also I have yet to experience one window, less anxiety and worry at night time usually but last night I was literally crying in my bed due to fear of never getting better.

I know your fear, I had it too and I couldn't see any improvement in my symptoms either but looking back I know I made progress but my brain wouldn't allow me to acknowledge it.  Do you document your symptoms each day and their severity?  Sometimes this is the only way to see we're improved.

 

Are you able to drive?

 

Are you working?

 

Can you take care of your basic daily life duties?

 

Can you go to stores?

 

Are you able to participate in mild exercise?

 

 

 

 

I know your fear, I had it too and I couldn't see any improvement in my symptoms either but looking back I know I made progress but my brain wouldn't allow me to acknowledge it.  Do you document your symptoms each day and their severity?  Sometimes this is the only way to see we're improved.

 

Are you able to drive?

 

Are you working?

 

Can you take care of your basic daily life duties?

 

Can you go to stores?

 

Are you able to participate in mild exercise?

 

I am luckily able to drive. Currently I am a college student finishing up my final year of my Finance Degree. I am starting to realize I cannot think the way I usually do and am having a tough time in my classes. It doesn't help that when I am trying to learn I am constantly thinking of my benzo withdraws. I am able to go out and shop but I am uncomfortable the whole time. I just want to be able to communicate with others the way I always have.

I know it's discouraging to not be able to function the way you used to but you will, it just takes too long.  My cognitive abilities and social skills were severely hampered but I was able to find ways to work around these deficits as I'm sure you have, you just have to keep doing what you're doing while your brain gets its normal function back.

 

Are you staying away from alcohol, doing your best to keep your stress low and avoiding situations that you know will ramp up your symptoms?  Are you eating healthy and trying to maintain a reasonable schedule for your activities?  Are you sleeping?

I know it's discouraging to not be able to function the way you used to but you will, it just takes too long.  My cognitive abilities and social skills were severely hampered but I was able to find ways to work around these deficits as I'm sure you have, you just have to keep doing what you're doing while your brain gets its normal function back.

 

Are you staying away from alcohol, doing your best to keep your stress low and avoiding situations that you know will ramp up your symptoms?  Are you eating healthy and trying to maintain a reasonable schedule for your activities?  Are you sleeping?

 

Ive been alcohol free for almost a month now, I wish I could say I've seen improvement since stopping but I haven't, only gained weird looks from friends. I try to keep stress low and avoid situations that would ramp up symptoms but I am in college and it is hard to avoid everything. If I were to avoid everything that revs me up, I would have to stay in my room all day. Often times it is the horror stories on this forum that really scare the shit out of me. I really have to dig to find those who mentally healed from cold turkey. I see a lot who had physical symptoms go away, but not the mental ones. My sleep is decent I guess, I have been falling asleep around 4 and having broken sleep until about noon. Then from noon to 2 I try to go back to sleep but usually just end up tossing and turning for 2 hours.

I CT'd multiple times and have really struggled with mental symptoms. I've been in hell, and I think quite an extreme case. Couldn't drive until recently etc etc.  But I am improving. If you had asked me yesterday I would have said 0 progress, yet today I can see I'm getting better. It's just so dam slow. My point is people who CT heal from mental stuff too. If we didn't the boards would be full. People heal and move on, and most don't write success stories.

 

Don't give up hope, it just takes time.

I CTd in 2008 and I recovered.  I was well enough to travel and work within one year.  My withdrawal symptoms were extreme. It was super hard, but I made it. 

I CTd in 2008 and I recovered.  I was well enough to travel and work within one year.  My withdrawal symptoms were extreme. It was super hard, but I made it.

I am really glad to hear you recovered from mental symptoms. Did you notice healing right from the jump or did it take a few months to realize you were actually getting better? The last two days I have been seeing others who went cold turkey like myself and seem to struggle with the same mental symptoms for a great deal of time with no relief. I am really convinced I have permanent brain damage. I do have times where my anxiety lessens but its only because I forget about the fact that this is probably permeant. Halfway to 4 months off and I have yet to see any improvement. Those who eventually healed see some type of improvement by the 4th month.

I CTd in 2008 and I recovered.  I was well enough to travel and work within one year.  My withdrawal symptoms were extreme. It was super hard, but I made it.

I am really glad to hear you recovered from mental symptoms. Did you notice healing right from the jump or did it take a few months to realize you were actually getting better? The last two days I have been seeing others who went cold turkey like myself and seem to struggle with the same mental symptoms for a great deal of time with no relief. I am really convinced I have permanent brain damage. I do have times where my anxiety lessens but its only because I forget about the fact that this is probably permeant. Halfway to 4 months off and I have yet to see any improvement. Those who eventually healed see some type of improvement by the 4th month.

 

I was extremely sick right after my jump.  But I did make quicker progress than some of the other CTers.  I had regular improvements.  Month 4 was not great, but way better than acute.  I felt a lot better by month 9.

Often times it is the horror stories on this forum that really scare the shit out of me.

 

Sounds like you'd be better off staying away from the forum, I know I couldn't log on very often when I was suffering.

 

I'm not sure where you get the idea that cold turkey folks don't recover, in my experience we hurt a bit more at the beginning but we have just as much chance for recovery as everyone else.

 

 

I would say u are still in acute.  I felt what u are feeling definitely for three months and longer.  I think it was probably 7 months to where the mental part started to get better maybe longer.  I can't remember as I've had to box up these extremely terrifying moments in my brain so I don't relive them.  I learned the worst thing u can do while going through that is sit on the site and read more terrifying experiences to make u worry and feel worse.  Try as hard as u can to know it will pass and stay busy.

Indeed there are various stories of pretty extreme aspects but for some it can be a source of comfort to know they are not alone. But that's about them as with each individual case. Maybe similarities where a relatedness can make the difference of crisis or not. But there is comfort by the fact that everyone is different, where each case might be the next success story. I share the incessant worry since that's me from the get-go long before Benzos came into the picture. For sure it's a stressor for which I am ultra sensitive to. That's just me, everyone is different. The one advice I offer is avoid stress if at all possible. I only wish there was greater public awareness.

Hi, Don't worry. I did cold turkey and have recovered. I was able to live a somewhat normal life after a year.

I had all kinds of metal symptoms such as depression, OTC, mind numbing, I had no feeling for a long time.

But now all metal symptoms are gone.

Eat clean and well balanced diet. I tired keto and my ldl cholesterol spiked up.

Do mind control.. saying to yourself that I am healthy. All my symptoms are lies.

 

For me buddhism helped me tremendously. In buddhism you are sick because you have done something harmful to to others in your previous life and your guilty conscientiousness makes you sick. Hence keep reciting to yourself "In all my lives I have never commit a sin"

 

You will recover!

 

Did anything help you recover, I am quite extreme case but 32 months nearly with no improvement. Had thought about  reinstating but after 3 days decided not good idea. I was forced to CT which makes me even more angry about all of this.