Waves of Insomnia after Great Windows/ Frustration/Any Feed back?/Thanks!

Hello buddies, really need some words of encouragement and hope from a fellow buddy who may have gone through this insomnia about that come in waves. I’m five months since I took the jump off of Valium which I took for many years 20 mg at night for sleep. I’ve read post here and understand I’m in stage three. Monday I ate something that didn’t agree with me and it appears that it triggered an insomnia wave. I’m on my second night of Very little sleep if any. I’ve tried listening to the calm app that includes stories, I’m meditating, and eating right, I work out three times a week, my wife has been a tremendous support throughout all of this even though I lied to her she has forgiven me regarding the many years of use of Valium.

 

For me, the hardest part of this healing are the deceptions of windows that I am healed. What a terrible experience to have some relief only to be surprised with a wave! One time I had three days of zero symptoms! To feel normal was real even if it was for 3 days! I have had a lot of healing compared to my first months. The usual: Twitching, Brain zaps, zero sleep for first two weeks, crying, depression, etc.

 

I know that it’s not possible to predict when this healing process is over, Which makes this whole ordeal even more terrifying. As many of you have indicated, during the insomnia The intrusive thoughts come in... childhood memories, people I haven’t thought of in years, and a general fart of self-pity.

 

From what I’ve read it’s the brain repairing the memory part from the benzo injury among other parts of the brain.

 

 

Does anybody have any words of encouragement, ideas, or experiencing something similar? The incredible part is I was getting five hours consistently of sleep for weeks, then nine days ago had two days of a wave of insomnia, then back to five hours, then Sunday had seven hours incredible! Then these last two days insomnia hell returns. I’ve been doing Hypnosis as well and it seem to work until I had an upset stomach Monday night which triggered this latest bout. I took a hot bath in the hopes of calming perhaps cortisol in my body in this morning. My anxiety from the insomnia night usually is gone by the afternoon. They call that Cortisol morning by the way if any one experiences heavy anxiety in the morning.

 

I'm here to help others with info to coop with this nightmare we are in together.

 

Looking forward to hearing from you guys and appreciate any feedback, glimpse of hope. Thanks a bunch. As much I think doom and gloom that this will never go away, I have read over and over that WE DO HEAL!!!

God Bless

 

Well I can tell you that I have healed from a CT, and later a taper from Temazepam.  Both times I dealt with terrible insomnia and both times my sleep eventually came back.  I can't say that it "normalized", as I have certainly been more prone to diet and stress related insomnia since, but it got to the point where it just was not a daily issue anymore.  Usually I would only get insomnia from a big stressor, which I think is pretty normal for anyone with a high-strung personality. 

 

So I took my last benzo about 8 years ago.  I thought that was all a thing of the past.  Then Covid-19 got me, and I've been back in acute WD hell ever since.  I know it's not WD, it just feels very much like it.  So i'm hanging on by my fingernails trying to cope just like everyone else.  Even with my experiences, it can still be hard to believe I'll ever get better.  But I know I will.  I always do.  And so will you!

Thanks Sage Hill!! You Rock! Congrats on 8 years 

Thanks Safe Hill!! You Rock! Congrats on 8 years 

 

Thank you 

I'm not an expert on the subject but I hit tolerance with Xanax around May 1st, 2021 and horrific insomnia started. I got 0 to 3 hours for 3 1/2 months straight. Now I am finally getting 4 and 5 hours and occasionally 8. I am still in the thick of it myself so I can't say how it's going to go. I have read about people whose sleep has returned completely and there are others who still struggle with insomnia after 2 or 3 years. It's hard to say. I hope that your insomnia is transient and passes quickly. You never know.

 

 

HM

Hi Heartmost, Thanks! I hope your insomnia improves!  I never thought I would be in this mess. I took V for years and would stop with no problems. Then this time BOOM! Had I known I would not have done this to myself. Truly, the world needs to know about this evil drug. All the focus is on opiates which is deadly but so is this. Thank God we have this board to share info and support!

Hi Blue,

 

I just responded to you on another thread. I hope your sleep is getting better night by night. I had a setback last night after getting 4+ hours for a while. I hope it comes back soon.

 

HM

I still get waves now 10 months off which come and go. Just when I think this is all behind me I’ll have a week where it feels almost like I’m back in acute withdrawal. Sometimes it’s 2-3 nights and sometimes a week. I had a zero night two weeks ago and it’s been a good while since I’d had one of those. On a positive note I have been able to nap again in the afternoons sometimes over the last month. That seemed so far away back at the beginning of the year. Keep at it, it will improve. It does get better!

I still get waves now 10 months off which come and go. Just when I think this is all behind me I’ll have a week where it feels almost like I’m back in acute withdrawal. Sometimes it’s 2-3 nights and sometimes a week. I had a zero night two weeks ago and it’s been a good while since I’d had one of those. On a positive note I have been able to nap again in the afternoons sometimes over the last month. That seemed so far away back at the beginning of the year. Keep at it, it will improve. It does get better!

 

Hi Red, 

 

Thanks for your reply and for hope. I did start taking valerian last night along with Rescue sleep. I am a lot calmer today and I took an afternoon nap as well...I will continue to take the valerian. Please keep in touch 

 

Blue

I wish I could take a nap! I'm jelly

 

Congratulations on being able take a nap. That's wonderful. I laid down to nap today but wasn't able to fall asleep. I had a nice rest none the less.

 

HM

I wish I could take a nap! I'm jelly

 

Congratulations on being able take a nap. That's wonderful. I laid down to nap today but wasn't able to fall asleep. I had a nice rest none the less.

 

HM

 

Have you tried Valerian in drops? It took a week or two to kick in but it worked for me...then stopped because I thought I was healed

Hi Blue,

 

I have not tried Valerian. I'll have to give it a try. I was getting 4+ hours of sleep every night and sometimes 7 or 8 and I thought I was healed! lol. Then, when I least expect it, I am back down to 0 to 2 hours again.

I can't wait until I AM healed  Let's hope it's sooner rather than later for both of us.

 

HM

Hi Blue,

 

I have not tried Valerian. I'll have to give it a try. I was getting 4+ hours of sleep every night and sometimes 7 or 8 and I thought I was healed! lol. Then, when I least expect it, I am back down to 0 to 2 hours again.

I can't wait until I AM healed  Let's hope it's sooner rather than later for both of us.

 

HM

 

Valerian does not put me to sleep BUT it does keep me calm through the night and day..Anxiety is way way down....Insomina is much much better! I take the liquid kind you might find in Whole foods without the alcohol..Oh God, I feel you! I want this over now!!! Thank God we heal eventually! What a rollercoaster!!  :idiot:

Update: I have been a huge window for enough days now to write about it....I got back on Valerian Drops at night as well as Sleep Rescue drops...My anxiety is gone and my sleep is normal. I know it is easier said than done but as experts have pointed out here the sooner we can get to the point where stop caring whether we sleep or not the sooner your sleep will return to normal.

 

I do believe I was whipping myself in to panic thus creating the insomnia. Not to say the cortisol rushes weren't real in the morning but the drops at night have quelled that big time.

 

I pray those suffering get some relief. I am so grateful for all of you who were the at the start of the month when I was flipping out. I hope this is the final stage as I approach 6 months cold turkey on Oct 27th but if not I know not to panic about sleep as this only makes it worse.

 

 

 

 

God Bless,

Blue

Blue, that is wonderful!  Man do I ever wish valerian would still work for me.  For you it's working just as it should work.  Ever since benzos, my reactions to things have been really unpredictable and just bizarre. 

Blue, that is wonderful!  Man do I ever wish valerian would still work for me.  For you it's working just as it should work.  Ever since benzos, my reactions to things have been really unpredictable and just bizarre.

 

thanks Sage  I do pray you get in the window and never have anymore waves...Pamster has been keeping  me motivated  and reminding me to be in acceptance...some thing switched and I really toned down my insomnia by giving the middle finger to it...As mentioned, even that control seemed to do the trick and at the moment I no longer fear it and hope I never do...What a journey! 

I hope I get in a window too.  Today is absolutely horrid, unfortunately.  The symptom of the day is severe depression mixed with agitation.  I think I would need to get into a much better mental state than this to be able to give the finger to the fear of insomnia.  So glad for you, though!  It's always a hopeful sign whenever anyone overcomes nervous system damage!

Sage, I can’t get over your story. Sober for years and healed only to have COVID bring you back to square one. It’s terrifying to think this is possible. I’m truly truly in deep empathy for you.

 

 

Sage, I can’t get over your story. Sober for years and healed only to have COVID bring you back to square one. It’s terrifying to think this is possible. I’m truly truly in deep empathy for you.

 

I can hardly believe it myself. It's very hard to accept. Thank you so much. I guess it's a bit like someone getting hit with ME/CFS way out after they thought they were healed. We live in a toxic, crazy world and crazy, awful things happen to people.  That's why I personally need God.  Would be so much harder without him.

Update: I guess I'm back in the insomnia club After having a good window,  anxiety and depression came back yesterday morning and had a steady flow throughout the day with crying and well your general "this sucks". I did sleep from 11pm to 115am...I tried listening to stories until now but no sleep....

 

This wave came with anxiety big time!  :'( :'( :'(

 

My wife God bless her...she had to deal with me all day since we work from home. She is an angel. Always reminding me how well I am doing from the jump and that I will heal..She gets it this time...I have waves, they come when they come, PAWS is non linear...I can have weeks of being good only to be knocked back to my current state...My God this healing process is  insidious...the definition of torture...pain and relief then pain again...damn big pharma

 

There is a great series called Dope Sick on Hulu that really shows how Big Pharma profits from our suffering...in that series OXY but it's all the same...they do mention Valium being the first they pushed in the 60s Mothers little helper and declaring it non addictive...bastards.

 

I pray for all my Benzo buddies having insomnia tonight throughout the world. We do heal, time is the best medicine...Thanks for listening

 

Blue

Insomnia is not nice yes you will sleep after a couple of days not sleeping its all part of the process ,i myself use youtube Darren Brown sleep hypnosis its not real sleep but gives a relaxing break i also exercise in the day and take walks along with cold showers if you don’t fancy that just stand and reduce towards cold in small increments you might surprise yourself, also i do wim Hof breathing 😮‍💨 you can try it for free on youtube, my cat my biggest fix a real big lad loads of character,

If you feel in need go to your Dr or change your Dr or call a help line be lucky 🍀.

 

Insomnia is not nice yes you will sleep after a couple of days not sleeping its all part of the process ,i myself use youtube Darren Brown sleep hypnosis its not real sleep but gives a relaxing break i also exercise in the day and take walks along with cold showers if you don’t fancy that just stand and reduce towards cold in small increments you might surprise yourself, also i do wim Hof breathing 😮‍💨 you can try it for free on youtube, my cat my biggest fix a real big lad loads of character,

If you feel in need go to your Dr or change your Dr or call a help line be lucky 🍀.

 

Thanks 

Update: I guess I'm back in the insomnia club After having a good window,  anxiety and depression came back yesterday morning and had a steady flow throughout the day with crying and well your general "this sucks". I did sleep from 11pm to 115am...I tried listening to stories until now but no sleep....

 

This wave came with anxiety big time!  :'( :'( :'(

 

My wife God bless her...she had to deal with me all day since we work from home. She is an angel. Always reminding me how well I am doing from the jump and that I will heal..She gets it this time...I have waves, they come when they come, PAWS is non linear...I can have weeks of being good only to be knocked back to my current state...My God this healing process is  insidious...the definition of torture...pain and relief then pain again...damn big pharma

 

There is a great series called Dope Sick on Hulu that really shows how Big Pharma profits from our suffering...in that series OXY but it's all the same...they do mention Valium being the first they pushed in the 60s Mothers little helper and declaring it non addictive...bastards.

 

I pray for all my Benzo buddies having insomnia tonight throughout the world. We do heal, time is the best medicine...Thanks for listening

 

Blue

 

Blue, I just sent you a PM, but wanted to comment here as well.

 

Healing and recovery lets you experience windows and waves regarding symptoms and insomnia

 

After my sleep started to come back, I would sleep well for a week and think I was completely healed.  Then insomnia would come back in spades and it felt

like acute all over again.  I would swear I was permanently broken.  Then a few nights of good sleep would come again and I was ready to write a success story.

This roller coaster ride between sleeping and not sleeping well lasted a good 12 months after I jumped CT and then continued (less intensely) for another 12 months

 

I still get hit every year or two with a stretch of poor sleep even after being off over 5 years.  This past January and February I went through a rough patch of poor sleep mixed with very good sleep that lasted about 6 weeks.  I had 3 zero nights, or nights where I didn't perceive any sleep at all and a bunch of 1-3 hour nights.  I am not saying this to scare anyone, but to let you know that it can happen.  It evened out and I have been getting 6-9 hours every night since.

 

Ashton says insomnia usually resolves for most in 6-12 months.  Some take less time many take a bit longer? 

 

But know that it will be very non-linear, UP and down with nights and even weeks of good sleep followed by nights and even weeks of poor sleep.

 

Eventually it evens out for good...

 

 

 

 

Update: I guess I'm back in the insomnia club After having a good window,  anxiety and depression came back yesterday morning and had a steady flow throughout the day with crying and well your general "this sucks". I did sleep from 11pm to 115am...I tried listening to stories until now but no sleep....

 

This wave came with anxiety big time!  :'( :'( :'(

 

My wife God bless her...she had to deal with me all day since we work from home. She is an angel. Always reminding me how well I am doing from the jump and that I will heal..She gets it this time...I have waves, they come when they come, PAWS is non linear...I can have weeks of being good only to be knocked back to my current state...My God this healing process is  insidious...the definition of torture...pain and relief then pain again...damn big pharma

 

There is a great series called Dope Sick on Hulu that really shows how Big Pharma profits from our suffering...in that series OXY but it's all the same...they do mention Valium being the first they pushed in the 60s Mothers little helper and declaring it non addictive...bastards.

 

I pray for all my Benzo buddies having insomnia tonight throughout the world. We do heal, time is the best medicine...Thanks for listening

 

Blue

 

It really is the definition of torture.  Nothing could be more effective as a torture method.  In fact, sleep deprivation was one of the preferred torture methods of the Soviets even over severe pain.  It worked better.  I'm so very sorry that it's not over for you yet.