Extreme Depression - unlike anything I have ever felt

Today was the worst day I can remember having in well, ever. The anxiety has lessened over the past five months but today the depression bordering on SI despair was all I felt. I cried most of the day, yell/prayed and begged God to take me in my sleep. I just read that the extreme depression is a WD symptom. I think depression does not do it justice. I have had depression my whole life. This felt like the gates of hell opened up to me. A feeling of utter darkness an surety that it will never end. that this is my life now and forever.

 

I pray this passes. I seem to have a better day followed by a really really really bad day but this one was one of the worst. in the past my depression felt bad but now it seems very mild looking back.

 

All I can say is that b/c of religious beliefs I will never consider ending things but I don't understand how a loving God (and today I questioned the existence of God even) would and could allow someone to feel this bad and be alive still. I know this cannot go on for the rest of my life. If it did, I would not be able to bear it.

 

Funny how the days can go like this. Better (slightly) and then hit like this. Please all ..... pray for me.

 

PS Since now I researched Benzos, it says specifically not to take them if you have a family history of depression. WTH? How did my shrink not read this? It is her job. Never again taking a medication based on "trusting our doctors"

 

 

I went through the exact same thing, I just road with yet another symptom It will stop get mad at the son of b take find one thing to do fpr the day and distract. keep fighting

Today was the worst day I can remember having in well, ever. The anxiety has lessened over the past five months but today the depression bordering on SI despair was all I felt. I cried most of the day, yell/prayed and begged God to take me in my sleep. I just read that the extreme depression is a WD symptom. I think depression does not do it justice. I have had depression my whole life. This felt like the gates of hell opened up to me. A feeling of utter darkness an surety that it will never end. that this is my life now and forever.

 

I pray this passes. I seem to have a better day followed by a really really really bad day but this one was one of the worst. in the past my depression felt bad but now it seems very mild looking back.

 

All I can say is that b/c of religious beliefs I will never consider ending things but I don't understand how a loving God (and today I questioned the existence of God even) would and could allow someone to feel this bad and be alive still. I know this cannot go on for the rest of my life. If it did, I would not be able to bear it.

 

Funny how the days can go like this. Better (slightly) and then hit like this. Please all ..... pray for me.

 

PS Since now I researched Benzos, it says specifically not to take them if you have a family history of depression. WTH? How did my shrink not read this? It is her job. Never again taking a medication based on "trusting our doctors"

 

So very sorry!  I have felt that type of depression and it's almost intolerable.  Please do not give up on God.  When our minds are sick, we often can't feel his presence.  But look for the helpers he sends to you, that's how you will know he still cares.  Helpers can be people, but they can also be animals, a timely and comforting video, just the right scripture or passage from a book, a perfect quote that gives you a little bit of peace....Look for those things.

 

Healing thoughts and prayers coming your way 

Hey Holdingontohope.  I think depression may be one of the absolute worse symptoms among the many.  It can feel like the world is caving in on you.  Darkness.  Hopelessness.  Suffocation.  I experienced this deep deep depression for the first six months after my last dose.  I didnt know how I was going to make it even to the next minute.  I cried and cried.  I begged god to take me quickly through some other disease.  It was the worst experience of my life.  Slowly tho it got better.  The dark skies lifted.  I smiled again.  I laughed again.  I was so happy to be alive.  I look at life differently now.  It is wonderful.

 

This will happen for you.  You are already seeing signs when you have a better day followed by a bad day followed by a better day.  It is happening for you.

 

Stay strong.  Sending you love and positive energy.