Reinstated advice with this Valium

Off of Lorazepam for 4 months after c/t and I guess too rapid of taper and a few mistakes with cbd and one dose of Lexapro. Not sure if this caused more issues but having terrible symptoms and cannot work or function.

 

I cannot handle withdrawal any more.  I found an MD who is clueless but willing to write a script for liquid Valium. My dose that I was on of Lorazepam originally was .25, short term. 

MD wants me to take 1mg of Valium and taper from there.  This does not sound like it’s enough. Can anybody give me an advice on tapering again?

Anyone?

I do my best when talking to members about reinstating to be neutral because I know its an incredibly difficult and personal decision but I can't do this in your case, I'm sorry.  I don't feel this is a good idea and doubt it will provide any relief and will most likely make you feel worse.

 

I don't feel you're going to get the relief you seek, I've watched so many members reinstate and regret it because it gets worse each time they do it, I don't want that for you.

 

You were on the drug for a short time, you've been off of it for 4 months and I know it's unfair and terrible but you're still early in recovery.  Tell me about your day, what can you do, what can't you do?

Thanks for the reply. I am an able to really do anything. I am unable to work right now. My day consists of constant worry, burning skin, blank mind, tinnitus that comes and goes, and just a rapid weight loss. I am an unable to eat much. No appetite at all.I really feel like this is just an impossible nightmare. I’m not sure if trying a few things out of desperation has given me more brain damage? I am not sure. I also have terrible head pressure on the top of my head a lot. The only thing that has improved is my sleep. Which I look forward to every night. Every day is a nightmare. My family and I are suffering so much with this. Everything seems to annoy me. I also feel more sensitive to sound.

Your symptoms are common and normal for 4 months out, I know you're suffering but the only way out of this is through.  Tapers are painful, they can keep us functional if we do them slowly enough but most who taper are in pain.  You'll still feel the head pressure every time you make a reduction, you'll still have burning skin and tinnitus and you'll still have a blank mind.  I'm so sorry to say these things to you when I know how desperate you are, my heart breaks for you.

 

Having said all of this, we will support whatever decision you make, we don't judge any decisions our members make in consultation with their doctors and their families, we know how scary and overwhelming this is.

 

According to the equivalency charts we use, .25 mg of Lorazepam is equal to 2.5 mgs Valium. https://www.benzo.org.uk/bzequiv.htm

I understand. But I don’t know how people get through this. I really thought it would be better by now. It seem like it was getting a little better - the insomnia but then things got worse. More symptoms started showing up. I don’t know. I need to get back to work and my life. Is there a reason that reinstatement doesn’t work?

 

I know it’s not recommended but do some people just go back on the drugs and just start tapering off many years later? I hate putting that point I understand but I’m so desperate right now.  Every day just seems like the same thing over and over and over.

I agree with Pamster.  Reinstatement is no guarantee that you will be better, it could make you worse.  It has for many.  With four months under your belt I would tough it out and keep going forward.

 

That said, I'm not you.  I had a very rough first seven months.  My doctor even offered to put me back on Ativan but I refused.  When I jumped the end of last year, I knew it might be a long time before I saw improvement.  I decided I was willing to sacrifice this year in order to be free.

 

At 8.5 months off I started to see improvement.  Now at 9.5 months off I can't say I'm healed, but I can function quite well.  I don't have real windows, but the waves are not as strong.  It is worth it to be free, once and for all.

 

You must do what you think best for you.  Whatever you decide, you have    my full support.  Ginger

 

 

 

Can you think of any changes in your life lately, any new medications, money issues, family dynamics, any new supplements or changes in your overall health? 

 

The fact that your sleep has improved is huge, this doesn't happen for most so I feel that is something to grasp onto as a sign you're healing.

Hi, well the stress of losing my job soon is a huge one. Plus I tried CBD and took one Lexapro, at the doctors advice, and I’m not sure if that put me in a tailspin? Other than that, yes I do have a little stress with being an empty Nester as well. But other than that I just can’t function.  I’m having a hard time even showering or going anywhere. But sitting in the house all day is driving me crazy as well. When I first stopped taking it unknowingly back in April, I did have a seizure like event. It wasn’t a full-blown seizure but my head was shaking. That’s when I found this forum.

I am just about ending month three after being on Temazepam for only 21 days.  The first several weeks were tough and I even thought about going back on and then trying a taper.  I am so glad I did not.  All of my anxiety is gone and I am left with mild headaches, tinnitus, and broken sleep.  I am so glad I did not reinstate as I think it would of been worse for me.

Thanks for the reply. But that’s my problem. Why am I on month for and doing worse? Do you think it’s because I try to couple different things during this? I wish I wouldn’t have but I was desperate.

I understand you can't work at this time but finding a way to fill your time is key, we have to find ways to distract us from our symptoms.  This doesn't take them away but it gives them less power over us when we don't give them center stage.  I found work projects to be my best tool, I worked in my yard and found things to do around my house.  Of course it took me forever to do a task because I moved so slow and the cognitive dysfunction was prominent but the sense of satisfaction I got was so worth it. Our confidence is shot so whatever you can do to boost yours is helpful. 

 

Stress is in my opinion is the number one thing that makes our symptoms worse and I understand how important having a job is but can you get more time off, or is there a possibility you could go back on a part time basis?  I was able to work all except for the first 3 weeks of my cold turkey and while it was brutal, I'm so glad I could because it passed the time and helped take my mind of my misery. 

 

If you do lose your job, can you make it financially until you recover?

Thanks for the reply. But that’s my problem. Why am I on month for and doing worse? Do you think it’s because I try to couple different things during this? I wish I wouldn’t have but I was desperate.

 

I don't believe your 1 Lexepro or the CBD has anything to do with how you're feeling now, our recovery is not linear, we feel better, we feel worse, our symptoms change and we're constantly off balance and distrustful of any improvement because we fear we're going to get hit even harder.

 

Are you writing your symptoms down, keeping track of their severity?  I didn't do this so my poor sick brain kept telling me I was still in the acute stage, that I'd never get better but then I did.  If you write them down you may see you actually are getting better but you just can't see it.

Hi, no I’m not writing my symptoms down. Everyone says I’m presenting better and seem more calm but inside I’m not. I am nervous, skin burning, head pressure, extreme tiredness but can’t nap, blank mind and brain fog, top of the head pressure that comes and goes, no appetite, no joy,

I have also started smoking cigarettes because I can’t handle the stress.

I feel like it seems odd that I can sleep more, pretty good overall actually, but wake up with dread and fear. Why would that be getting better but more symptoms are popping up? That doesn’t seem to make sense

Hi, no I’m not writing my symptoms down. Everyone says I’m presenting better and seem more calm but inside I’m not. I am nervous, skin burning, head pressure, extreme tiredness but can’t nap, blank mind and brain fog, top of the head pressure that comes and goes, no appetite, no joy,

 

This is what happened to me too, my family and friends all thought I was doing so much better but inside I was screaming, NO I'M NOT!  Then I'd stress myself out trying to convince them how awful I felt then of course I'd feel bad because I sounded like a drama queen and it almost felt like they were rolling their eye's when I'd try to explain.

 

Maybe they see what you can't, maybe they see improvement but all you can see is your pain because this process is all about the negative.  There is no joy for us while going through this, we lose ourselves and our connection to those we love but it comes back, you come back if you can hold out for your miracle.

I want to hold out. And I will start writing down the symptoms and severity like you said. Thank you. The thing is though why would I be getting new symptoms now? And as far as my family goes, they do see that it’s hard for me to take care of myself in the sense of showering and getting ready. But to them I seem calmer. Because I’m not stressing so much about the sleep. Well, now I’m stressing about the weird symptoms. I also have a new symptom where once in a while I hear a song in my head. I don’t member having that before. I just feel like I’m going insane.

My husband went to go get the Valium. I’m struggling so bad. I just need lots of reassurance today. Advice. A hug. Something. This is just destroying us

I also have a odd symptom of my finger nails turning yellow. The tips. I am not sure what that is from or what. But it’s stressing me out as well. Everything is just going wrong.

Hey Summer.  Welcome back to BB.  I remember when you first came here.  I was around 4/5 months as I recall and suffering greatly.  Things have improved for me.  It is not yet perfect but it has improved.  You are so close to recovering from this.  Please dont quit now!

 

What you are feeling are windows and waves.  It is normal to feel the way you are feeling.  I know it doesnt feel like it right now but you are improving. 

 

I would not reinstate if I had the choice again and my symptoms were really awful.

I want to hold out. And I will start writing down the symptoms and severity like you said. Thank you. The thing is though why would I be getting new symptoms now? And as far as my family goes, they do see that it’s hard for me to take care of myself in the sense of showering and getting ready. But to them I seem calmer. Because I’m not stressing so much about the sleep. Well, now I’m stressing about the weird symptoms. I also have a new symptom where once in a while I hear a song in my head. I don’t member having that before. I just feel like I’m going insane.

 

I didn't have a whole song, I only had about 5 notes, over and over, those same 5 notes would run through my head, I thought I was going down the road my mother took, she was schizophrenic, I even went to see someone to be tested but turns out it was the benzo.

 

Please read these paragraphs from The Ashton Manual

During benzodiazepine withdrawal, symptoms characteristically wax and wane, varying in severity and type from day to day, week to week, and even during the course of a day. Some symptoms come and go; others may take their place. There is no need to be discouraged by these wave-like recurrences; the waves become less severe and less frequent as time passes. Typically "Windows" of normality, when you feel positively well for a few hours or days, appear after some weeks; gradually the "Windows" become more frequent and last longer, while any intervening discomfort ebbs away.

 

It is impossible to give an exact time for the duration of withdrawal symptoms. It depends on where you start from, how much support you need and receive, how you manage your taper and many other factors. With slow tapering, some long-term users have virtually lost all their symptoms by the time they take their last tablet, and in the majority symptoms disappear within a few months. Vulnerability to extra stress may last somewhat longer and a severe stress may - temporarily - bring back some symptoms. Whatever your symptoms, it is best not to dwell on them. Symptoms are just symptoms after all and most of them in withdrawal are not signs of illness but signals of recovery. Furthermore, as your mind clears, you can work out more and more effective ways to deal with them so that they become less significant.

 

One reassuring finding from many clinical studies is that eventual success in withdrawal is not affected by duration of use, dosage or type of benzodiazepine, rate of withdrawal, severity of symptoms, psychiatric diagnosis, or previous attempts at withdrawal. Thus from almost any starting point, the motivated long-term user can proceed in good heart.

My husband went to go get the Valium. I’m struggling so bad. I just need lots of reassurance today. Advice. A hug. Something. This is just destroying us

 

Valium takes awhile to build up in your system so I'm not sure if you'll feel immediate relief so I hope you can resist taking more in an effort to feel better.  It may be a week or two before you will be able to know the full effect of the 1 mg your doctor has prescribed.

Well, he went to go get it but we are going nsure I’m going to take it. We are just in such a tizzy about wondering what to do. We are trying to weigh the pros and cons. According to you and a few others on here it seems like it’s not going to help much. We just don’t know. Is 1 mg even enough? Do you go by your starting dose or do you go by what you jumped off of?

As someone who restarted and quit benzos 4 times I would say don’t. This last time was almost fatal. It gets worse every time you withdraw at least it did for me. If I had known the other times were withdrawal(I was clueless) I never would have done this to myself. As badly kindled as I was I believe you are doing better than you think you are. I missed at least 4 months or work. Maybe try taking an antihistamine like benadryl in the evening to see if it stimulates your appetite so you don’t waste away. I would leave those gaba receptors alone though and let them do their thing. I won’t lie to you. You’re traveling down a long and rough road. You’re not gonna be better next week. But as hard as it is this is most likely the easiest road. The reinstatement road is probably worse. I get it. It kindled so bad I lost 45 lbs in 4 weeks and I only weighed 180 at 5’10”. That’s how bad it can get in you kindle. And I don’t care who doesn’t think that’s a real thing cause I lived it and it’s a nightmare. You’re gonna get better. You’re already on the easiest route even though that sucks to here because it’s a nightmare.