Ruined

I'll never see the same,  think the sme,  do the same,  work the same,  care the same,  enjoy the same or feel the same.

Benzo Lies That Have Been Busted

Please don't think like that. You will come out more stronger and better person than ever before. Please talk to us.. we all are with you.. just fight it

You've got this. Please message me if you need to talk properly

I'll never see the same,  think the sme,  do the same,  work the same,  care the same,  enjoy the same or feel the same.

 

As Megan has said: These are all lies. I chill in protracted FB groups because they often know more than people early on like you and me (Although I'm a year out now) and sooooo many people I talked to that have healed thought just like you did. You're gonna be juuuuust fine. You just gotta distract and make it through today...after all tomorrow is another day.

You will be okay. You will recover. I'm so much better than I was . . . and in many ways way better than when I sabotaged my life by taking benzos. I know you're probably sick of hearing "hang in there", but that's what we all had to do.

 

And as a matter of fact, I'm not the same. I'm smarter, wiser and tougher. And you will be too.

 

One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.

 

 

Katz

Thanks,  it's pretty terrible much if the time.

If it hadn't destroyed my vision I would be more confident about everything.  The nerve/ neuron damage is just all too obvious.  It all short circuited and I just had to endure it for months not knowing what was going on, terrible pain behind my eyes, stinging in my eye balls, all the while I thought it was MS or would at least go away.  Thus site has been useful to confirm the damage was all caused by xanax.  I'll wish I had stopped taking it sooner everyday for the rest of my existence.

Jonna, your vision problems sound awful. Have they abated somewhat? Your post seems to indicate that they are in the past. Are they? I hope so. I developed ocular migraines and terrible eye pain during benzo w/d. The ocular migraines and the eye pain scared the s**t out of me. (I had to call my ophthalmologist one night in a panic).  Later, I got so upset I once went to the ER thinking I was having a stroke, or had a brain tumor, but a head CT scan showed nothing.

 

This all passed eventually. I hope things will even out for you.

 

Wishing you the best,

 

 

Katz

If it hadn't destroyed my vision I would be more confident about everything.  The nerve/ neuron damage is just all too obvious.  It all short circuited and I just had to endure it for months not knowing what was going on, terrible pain behind my eyes, stinging in my eye balls, all the while I thought it was MS or would at least go away.  Thus site has been useful to confirm the damage was all caused by xanax.  I'll wish I had stopped taking it sooner everyday for the rest of my existence.

 

Have you had your B12 tested? Nerve damage to the eye is reversible if its caused by B12 deficiency. And benzos deplete B12. :/

Yes, B12 is fine and still take a special methatated blend for mthfr but there is no difference for me.

OK, so that's good. What about Folate? That's the other B vitamin that our body stores and has its own deficiency symptoms. Vitamin D? Have you ever been tested by a Naturopath for infections like Lyme/Candida/Mold, etc...? How's your diet? Are you eating well? What about your electrolytes? Are you low on any? That's all I can think of from my own experience. Hope that helps you find your answer. :/

Thanks,  yes vitamins etc are all good and I don't have any disease,  just got poisoned by benzos.  My vision problems persist.  The palinopsia and light sensitivity isn't as bad ass initially but still there and the damage to the optic nerve and visual snow is always there,  pain behind the eyes always after initial excruciating pain.  Visual processing problems are permanent after stroke type experience.  Optic nerve shorted out when I got the stars around headlights, the stars get really terrible for a few weeks then declined and I lost vision quality when the starbursts changed,  so those neurons all died,  pretty simple unfortunately.  My vision quality is probably 70% what it was,  less definition,  distance,  etc.  Yea it's terrible to say the least.  I've seen a few others here with similar problems.  One guy said they've been there 10 years, it's permanent, and I'll never boot think about how stupid I was for taking that crap that had done so much damage to me.  Everyone I look at the sun's reflection on anything or a car's headlights,  that's all I think,  there's no ignoring it.  It's torture until I die.  Every headache,  sleepless night, pure torture.  Awful.

Jonna, I just had a thought. Have you consulted an ophthalmologist about your eye issues? You talk about neurons dying and the optic nerve shorting out . . . this sounds terrible. Has an eye doctor weighed in on this?

 

I had a whole raft of eye problems -- acute sensitivity to light both ambient and artificial, pain in my eyes, starbursts, halos around lights . . . and when I went for an eye exam, I had cataracts!!! I thought I was waaaaaay too young to have them, but I believe benzos damaged my eyes and led to the cataracts. Anyhow, once I had them removed, my vision improved tremendously.

 

When you mentioned looking at the sun's reflection or a car's headlights, I flashed on my own issues. I couldn't drive at night due to the oncoming headlights. And sunlight reflecting off car windshields almost blinded me. That was what took me to the eye doctor.

 

Anyhow, just a thought.

 

Best,

 

Katz

 

 

It gets better Jonna.  It really does.  Just keep hanging in and you will see for yourself. 

Thanks for the info.  Yes I've been to 4 ophthalmologists and eye specialist and they know nothing but no cataracts and eyes look fine they say so it's neurological is the consensus.  It started with a stroke like feeling in the back of my head,  then palinopsia with afterimages and light sensitivity.  I could look at my truck in the sunlight and close my eyes and still ser it for 10 to 20 seconds,  like in detail.  Same with headlights,  planes,  windows,  brick walls and my optic nerve just hurt,  like excruciating pain behind my eyes.  Then a month later my eyes had stinging like the rest of my body and a couple days later I got starbursts.  Brain zapsv were occurring and severe forgetfulness.  This was my brain and nervous system dying and I'm left with what survived the storm.

Losing my vision quality is pretty bad, losing my imagination and intelligence is really hard to live with.

I'll never see the same,  think the sme,  do the same,  work the same,  care the same,  enjoy the same or feel the same.

 

We're all convinced of this, until one day, it's finally over.

 

You WILL get better. Don't underestimate the power of self belief. Losing hope causes the worst symptoms of all.

I feel the same way right now. I’ve been off Remeron for 48 days and Xanax for 34 months. I am in hell right now. I’ve been worse but the farther out I get the less tolerance I have for setbacks. I’m having trouble staying positive today.

I've got 2 daughters so I keep trying but it's still hard.