weird symptom == responses appreciated

does anyone else have this?  its like any memory I have -- even the most wonderful, peaceful moments - like living in New England and having a hot apple cider watching the leaves fall ---- its like this dark, sinister feeling comes over me and the memory as if it wasn't good at all or "something terrible" was really going on but I didn't know - -I can't explain it -- its like my brain takess even positive things and makes them traumatic, scary, dark and dreary. 

its the oddest and most uncomfortable feeling -- anyone else? 

Yes! I've been bedridden with depression last two days...I think I'm experiencing disassociation specifically derealization... the sound of people talking outside on the streets of my window haunt me.. I don't exist...old colorful memories have been painted in shades of grey..... they're no longer happy.....I question if they ever were. I've forgotten how to be alive...I'm no longer attached to anyone or anything... maybe this is an illusion....I'm absolutely haunted with the realization that my life has been a superficial trick of sorts... Happiness is fleeting and vague.....

I'm sorry you feel this way. It's the most haunting and tragic sense of past and present I've ever experienced. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.....

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.. every sunny day memory is now grey, wet cold, and oh so lonely...it will pass . It always does but until then I'm left questioning if the sun will ever come out....if the sun is even real....and if it does come out, can I handle it? I'm disconnected from everyone.... "wandering star, for whom it is reserved, the darkness of the blackness of forever"

May God bless you...I'm sorry I don't write back...I. sorry for your pain.....it will pass I promise.. new england with hot cider was real. It will be real again. But for today it's an unbearable question of "was it really?". Yes it was real. It is real. Well learn to love these days again....but for today I'm heartbroken

dan

thank you for that lovely reply and I am so very sorry you, too, are plagued by this--- it is unbelievable what these drugs can do --- turn a perfectly good 49 years of life into what feels like an apocalyptic nightmare.