Hopefully a brief buddy

Sup buddies!

Took 140 10mg tablets in 6 day period. Had no tolerance beforehand as I only smoke weed and hadn't touched a valium in years (had only ever tried a couple). Things escalated rapidly. Bit off more than I can chew.

Tried cold turkey but due to insomnia and the hopes of being fit for work tomorrow I cracked and I'm starting a taper.

Hello Greopic, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

It doesn't take long for the body to get dependent on these drugs, it sounds like a taper is a good idea for you, do you have enough tablets?  We typically suggest a slow taper, 5-10% every week or two but for short timers we like to see you go a little faster, don't want to taper longer than you took it.  But, this should probably depend on your symptoms, a taper will hopefully keep you functional, that is the goal.

Let us know how we can help, would you like taper suggestions?

I'll give you some links to help you navigate the forum, so be sure to ask questions, we're here to help.

Pamster

The Ashton Manual

Planning Your Withdrawal (Taper Plans)

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

Hi Pamster, thanks for the reply and massively useful resources.

Yeah I'm shocked at how rough I feel, really didn't know what I was getting myself in for. I took soo many in that short week that I'm not sure what an appropriate taper would be. After my shift from hell Sunday when I was trying cold turkey, I have taken 20mg, each time in 5mg doses. This is just so the physical and mental pain is bearable, and with hopes of passing out as I feel like a lot of my current discomfort is sleep deprivation related. I'm pretty much just sitting/lying still staring into space, extreme anhedonia and no appetite.

Didn't sleep Sunday and slept for a few hours last night, but what felt like last hour of that dream was me trapped in a nightmare desperately trying to connect to my body and wake up knowing I was in a state of sleep paralysis and thinking I was sleeping on my back and asphyxiating, never been trapped in a nightmare that long. When I came to, I was sleeping on my front (normally this is safe, sleeping on my back guarantees sleep paralysis), so prospect of sleep little terrifying at the moment. Felt like I woke up the moment the valium wore off as well so definitely in a pickle.

Probably too much whiny detail but maybe could help someone.

Yes, any taper suggestions would be much appreciated, thanks!

Don't worry about venting here, we all do it because no one but those who go through this can relate or empathize.  I actually think that you'll be able to get past this in a matter of weeks rather than months which is good news.

I know you took a massive amount but from what I've read here its typically the length of time you've taken the drug, not the amount that causes the most damage.  Your brain will change the way it functions because of the presence of the drug and while you certainly shocked your system, your brain hasn't had time to make many if any changes.

I can't really suggest an amount to take but try to make it as little as possible but still remain functional.  I'm not sure I understand what you mean about "20 mg, each time in 5 mg doses", is this 20 mg a day?  With Valiums long half life I'm surprised you need to take it that often, but I'd like to see you take less if you can.  I'd also not wait the typical 1 to 2 weeks before reducing the amount, I feel the sooner you can get off the drug the better.

Thanks again for the reply. This forum and your messages have been a godsend 

Okay, that is reassuring to read. Sorry that was just a complicated/unclear way of saying I had been taking 10mg daily, split into two doses of 5mg. I don't think I have the best constitution when it comes to handling drug withdrawals, so the 10mg was just needed to get rid of headaches/bodypains/ mental/physical paralytic feeling and to enable eating.

I work Sunday-Thursday. I kept taking 10mg after work (I split this into two doses of 5mg to see if 5mg was enough to enable sleep but it never was, I would end up taking the other one hours later so in hindsight I would have been better off taking the 10mg in one hit). Pretty mundane, but paracetamol worked wonders on a couple of days at work for the headaches. I didn't take any Thursday night nor last night, so far so good. I haven't smoked weed for the last two nights either so I can't be certain what symptoms are the result of what (but I'm pretty experienced in weed withdrawals and non-experienced in benzo based ones), but I'm feeling worlds apart from how I did last week.

Appetite is recovering, I've started sleeping again but my schedule has just been pushed all out of whack (6-8 hours forward). Definitely feel like my sympathetic nervous system is on higher alert than usual, but this had steadily alleviated as the week has gone on.

Main symptoms left now are anhedonia and and other cognitive issues. Basically I feel a bit brain dead, very similar if not identical to some mediocre concussions I've had in the past. But comparing how I feel today to how I felt last week is like chalk and cheese and this gives me hope. Thank god for homeostasis. Trying to type this and to find words is way trickier than usual but I don't think the damage will be permanent.

Any form of movement has been hugely beneficial, as my natural state when withdrawing off of these seems to be sat/lying still staring into space ,with very little going on upstairs aside from anxious/depressive thoughts and ruminations. The first shower I took was a game changer and I did a brief work out yesterday which got the chemicals flowing and gave me hope that I will be back to 'normal' again soon. Forcing myself to go to work even without sleep etc was also a good idea as being around people seems to alleviate many of symptoms even if you feel way more anxious etc than usual.

I am going to force myself to read as much as I can today so see how my brain is doing/see what effects this has on my state of mind tomorrow. I definitely won't be creating anything for a while but that's all good.

Thank you for your advice, its mad how impactful a couple of typed messages can be. I was too unsocial/anxious/avoidant to read your reply any sooner than today. I read a fair amount of that Ashton Manual which was awesome reading, but your advice of ending the taper sooner rather than later has come at a good time and will give me strength/confidence going forward (as I had in the back of my mind the very long tapers proposed in the book and was doubting my choice of cold turkey).

I will try and post weekly or so updates until I am back to normalish. The brain dead feeling can be pretty terrifying, especially if you haven't experienced it before and even more so if you value your cognitive abilities. So fingers-crossed this could act as reassurance for anyone who goes through a similar short-term ordeal. In the past feeling brain-dead has made me prone to relapse into smoking weed or to partake in even greater self-destructive activities so the knowledge that it will pass could be of help.

Stay strong benzobuddies!

I'm happy to hear you're felt some improvement and are keeping busy and active, this was how I coped as well, anything to distract us from our symptoms is helpful. 

Valiums long half life can be a bit of a problem when trying to figure out if you're safely past this nightmare since it can stay in your system so long but it looks like you're headed in the right direction.  Our recovery isn't linear so don't be discouraged if you feel better one day then not so good the next, this is typical.