I’m am really scared

My stack failed last night I have been wide awake all night. Yesterday I kept busy, I watched the sun rise and set. I ate low glutamate.

 

I am starting to think this is me now. I am broken

My stack failed last night I have been wide awake all night. Yesterday I kept busy, I watched the sun rise and set. I ate low glutamate.

 

I am starting to think this is me now. I am broken

 

No. You’ve only off since January. I’ve been off since January 2019 and I’m still not there. But I am mostly there. 8-9 months off I was still unable to lift heavy objects, ride a bicycle, run, walk up a flight of stairs without maxing out my heart rate, sleep without Remeron, do anything without Remeron, eat a lot of foods, not go to the bathroom 100 times per day, get through a single day without some version of a panic attack. I did have insomnia last night but I bet my paycheck I’m sleeping tonight, I’ll lift anything I want and run up the stairs with up no problem, I’ll ride that bicycle ten miles right now even with the no sleep I had last night, I’m off Remeron for 5 weeks, I can eat ice cream sometimes now, only have panic attacks every once and a while and maybe I’m bragging now and it’s gross to talk about but I only went to the bathroom once today lol. It gets better.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling ❤️‍🩹 no advice, but thinking of you and sending peace and rest 🙏🏼

Shayna, I know how frustrating and low this can make you feel, but please remember we can do EVERYTHING "right" and still end up feeling this way or going through a terrible wave.  We do the best we can, be as gentle as we can to our systems, and just need to hold on.  Remember, this too shall pass.  Your body is working hard to set things right.  I just wish we all had insight into how long that process will take for each of us.  Sending you all the positive sleep vibes I can muster. 

Oh, Shayna, you most certainly will heal!!!!  How do I know this?  Because this 74 year old who was on Valium prn for over a year,  and who is one week away from her 18 month post-taper anniversary, is beginning to feel the healing happening and feeling more and more like the original Me.

 

It is going to happen and in your darkest moments just remember that if a 74 year old can come back from the hell of benzos, you can, too!

 

Hugs from your oldie friend,

 

GG

 

 

My stack failed last night I have been wide awake all night. Yesterday I kept busy, I watched the sun rise and set. I ate low glutamate.

 

I am starting to think this is me now. I am broken

 

No. You’ve only off since January. I’ve been off since January 2019 and I’m still not there. But I am mostly there. 8-9 months off I was still unable to lift heavy objects, ride a bicycle, run, walk up a flight of stairs without maxing out my heart rate, sleep without Remeron, do anything without Remeron, eat a lot of foods, not go to the bathroom 100 times per day, get through a single day without some version of a panic attack. I did have insomnia last night but I bet my paycheck I’m sleeping tonight, I’ll lift anything I want and run up the stairs with up no problem, I’ll ride that bicycle ten miles right now even with the no sleep I had last night, I’m off Remeron for 5 weeks, I can eat ice cream sometimes now, only have panic attacks every once and a while and maybe I’m bragging now and it’s gross to talk about but I only went to the bathroom once today lol. It gets better.

 

Do u think I should try remeron jack. I’m scared to but my god this insomnia is really getting difficult

I’m so sorry you’re struggling ❤️‍🩹 no advice, but thinking of you and sending peace and rest 🙏🏼

 

Thanku xx tree

Shayna, I know how frustrating and low this can make you feel, but please remember we can do EVERYTHING "right" and still end up feeling this way or going through a terrible wave.  We do the best we can, be as gentle as we can to our systems, and just need to hold on.  Remember, this too shall pass.  Your body is working hard to set things right.  I just wish we all had insight into how long that process will take for each of us.  Sending you all the positive sleep vibes I can muster.

 

Thanku sunshine. I just wish I could get some reprieve. Just a few hours a night. X then I’d be able to keep hope alive

Oh, Shayna, you most certainly will heal!!!!  How do I know this?  Because this 74 year old who was on Valium prn for over a year,  and who is one week away from her 18 month post-taper anniversary, is beginning to feel the healing happening and feeling more and more like the original Me.

 

It is going to happen and in your darkest moments just remember that if a 74 year old can come back from the hell of benzos, you can, too!

 

Hugs from your oldie friend,

 

GG

 

Gg I’m so happy for u x my god I am praying so hard that I get there soon. I was begging god this morning. I don’t know why he’s punishing me so much x

Remeron would be another med to come off of if you add it. Maybe you can try it once a week?

Did you try benadryl, melatonin or atarax?

I take melatonin but it doesn’t do much.

 

I haven’t tried Benadryl or Ararax.

 

I take unisom every few days but it’s not working much this week. Last night it didn’t work at all.

 

Does anyone think it could be the unisom making me worse? At the very end of my taper I was sleeping without it a lot. Now I can’t seem to sleep at all without it

My stack failed last night I have been wide awake all night. Yesterday I kept busy, I watched the sun rise and set. I ate low glutamate.

 

I am starting to think this is me now. I am broken

 

No. You’ve only off since January. I’ve been off since January 2019 and I’m still not there. But I am mostly there. 8-9 months off I was still unable to lift heavy objects, ride a bicycle, run, walk up a flight of stairs without maxing out my heart rate, sleep without Remeron, do anything without Remeron, eat a lot of foods, not go to the bathroom 100 times per day, get through a single day without some version of a panic attack. I did have insomnia last night but I bet my paycheck I’m sleeping tonight, I’ll lift anything I want and run up the stairs with up no problem, I’ll ride that bicycle ten miles right now even with the no sleep I had last night, I’m off Remeron for 5 weeks, I can eat ice cream sometimes now, only have panic attacks every once and a while and maybe I’m bragging now and it’s gross to talk about but I only went to the bathroom once today lol. It gets better.

 

Do u think I should try remeron jack. I’m scared to but my god this insomnia is really getting difficult

 

I dread being asked that question, lol. I just never really know how to answer it. I can say I would do that before I reinstated a benzo. Your gaba receptors still heal while on Remeron but it seems to create a new problem with your histamine receptors or something like that so there will be more insomnia when it’s time to come off of Remeron amongst a ton of other symptoms. Are you already not watching TV at night before bed, no phone, blue light glasses, taking melatonin?

I take melatonin but it doesn’t do much.

 

I haven’t tried Benadryl or Ararax.

 

I take unisom every few days but it’s not working much this week. Last night it didn’t work at all.

 

Does anyone think it could be the unisom making me worse? At the very end of my taper I was sleeping without it a lot. Now I can’t seem to sleep at all without it

 

How much melatonin do you take?

Do u think the unisom is causing me insomnia too? I just wish I could get back to my baseline of 3 hrs.

 

I do all those things but will try to be stricter

I take melatonin but it doesn’t do much.

 

I haven’t tried Benadryl or Ararax.

 

I take unisom every few days but it’s not working much this week. Last night it didn’t work at all.

 

Does anyone think it could be the unisom making me worse? At the very end of my taper I was sleeping without it a lot. Now I can’t seem to sleep at all without it

 

How much melatonin do you take?

 

I’ve been taking 6mg as part of my stack. But not every night. I’ve tried different amounts but it doesn’t seem to do much

Shay,

 

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. I really got it! This is just too much! But, you will heal we are all healing as miserable as we might be feeling. If there's something you can find to help you sleep that would be good. I tried Unisom and it seemed to work a little bit and then it actually made my problem worse I felt that it would keep me awake so I had to stop using it. What I try to do most nights 1st is take lemon balm, l-theanine and spray melatonin under the tongue. But if that doesn't work I take olanzapine. Many people think it's a horrible medication. But, when I went to the clinic last year for the flumazenil treatments the doctor had given me that for sleeping and it's the only thing that never really aggravated me I've taken it off and on over the last 15 and 1/2 months with not much trouble. Although, I hate taking drugs of any kind. But when you're not able to sleep it does make you desperate. Hugs!

 

 

I was on olanzipine and it never helped my sleep. I am waiting on some supps to try. I really don’t want to take anything but I need relief when it gets bad like this

Another thing. I could never sleep if I am hungry at all. Assuming you are not diabetic have you tried eating high glycemic foods right before bed like white potatoes and white rice and really filling up. This always helped my insomnia. If weight gain is a concern you could always skip breakfast after you’ve slept.

Yeah I’ll try that tonight. I’ve put on a lot of weight so I haven’t been eating as heavy lately

Shay,

 

How long were you on olanzapine? Did you take it every night and did you have to wean off of it or could you just stop taking it? I even tried Remeron and it gave me terrible headaches. We're all just so different. What supplements are you planning on taking for sleep? I always like to know if there's something different I can try.

Yeah I’ll try that tonight. I’ve put on a lot of weight so I haven’t been eating as heavy lately

 

Yeah, that’s the catch22. If I cut back my calories I always get severe insomnia. I can only sleep if I am in a calorie surplus. For people in our situation it’s a tight rope act between our physical health and our mental health. It’s just til we heal enough to get some more normal sleep anyway.

Shayna, I take Benadryl once in a while to help with a good night’s sleep if I have had a rough day or two.  Works great for me, but you shouldn’t do it too often.

 

GG

Shay,

 

How long were you on olanzapine? Did you take it every night and did you have to wean off of it or could you just stop taking it? I even tried Remeron and it gave me terrible headaches. We're all just so different. What supplements are you planning on taking for sleep? I always like to know if there's something different I can try.

 

I was on it maybe 6 months. Absolutely horrific drug IMO. I was devastated when the drs wanted me to go on it. And it didn’t help anyway.

 

I’m going to try glycine, lemon balm, avena sativa.

Yeah I’ll try that tonight. I’ve put on a lot of weight so I haven’t been eating as heavy lately

 

Yeah, that’s the catch22. If I cut back my calories I always get severe insomnia. I can only sleep if I am in a calorie surplus. For people in our situation it’s a tight rope act between our physical health and our mental health. It’s just til we heal enough to get some more normal sleep anyway.

 

Do u think antihistamine use is making things worse?

Shayna, I take Benadryl once in a while to help with a good night’s sleep if I have had a rough day or two.  Works great for me, but you shouldn’t do it too often.

 

GG

 

I’ll ask my dr for a script. Xx