Still struggling after a year off benzos

Hi,

 

I am 12 months off benzos after 10 yrs on.

 

Looking for additional information here. Thank you.

 

All the best

Hello Benzoito, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

A year of suffering is enough, don't you think? This process takes so long, I'm sure you're discouraged but glad you joined so you'll know you're not alone in feeling this way.  Can you tell us what benzo you took and maybe a little about your taper?

 

I'll give you some links to help you find your way around the forum but feel free to explore and ask questions, we're here to help you.

 

Pamster

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal 

 

Hello Benzoito, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

A year of suffering is enough, don't you think? This process takes so long, I'm sure you're discouraged but glad you joined so you'll know you're not alone in feeling this way.  Can you tell us what benzo you took and maybe a little about your taper?

 

I'll give you some links to help you find your way around the forum but feel free to explore and ask questions, we're here to help you.

 

Pamster

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal

 

 

Thank you!

 

I was prescribed Alprazolam for general anxiety 10 yrs ago. I suffered from tolerance withdrawal most of the time without knowing. In 2018, my wife got pregnant and I decided to go off the drug to be really here for my daughter. I found the Ashton Manual on line and tapered using Valium along 19 months. I felt improvements from 3-8 months, but now most things are apparently getting worse. I am suffering so much this last week in particular that I am considering reinstating, so I can work and take care of my family. I know it is too risky, but I am afraid I am running out of options here.

 

 

Before you reinstate, can you tell us more about what's going on in your life, perhaps we can find the source of your increased symptoms.

 

What has changed, new medication, supplements, new work or personal stress, new health challenges, alcohol consumption, anything?

I was doing light exercises and meditation since my jump on September 2020. Also taking low doses of CBD:THC (1:1), magnesium glycinate, probiotics, calcium, Omega 3. Following GAPS diet (low to zero carb). I was doing pretty well, running 1-2 miles, 3 times a week, but my muscles now are wasting away and my muscular tone is not coming back, no mater how much I work out. From months 8-12 I also started to feel increasingly fatigued. I have CD Paxil in 2018 and was mildly floxed in the same year. I was working on-line (university professor) since the beginning of the pandemics, but went back to presidential work last week. I not only teach, but I also work as a marine biologist at sea, so I have to sporadically go out by boat and SCUBA dive... So I think that the combination of factors played a role in my flare up (extenuating physical and mental work, to much exercise). I am afraid I wont be able to cope with work and family (I have energetic 2 yo child) in my current state. I got so desperate that I started to consider reinstating to deal with all that and then maybe taper again in a few years...

I can see you need to be functional, you have a lot on your plate!  May I ask, why did you taper the benzo, were you experiencing tolerance symptoms or interdose?

I have decided to taper mostly because of fluctuations on my mood and some body discomfort (muscle pain, GI issues), but nothing compared to what I am experiencing now...The vestibular issues are very limiting as I have to deal with sea sickness

I'm truly sorry you're faced with this decision, it sounds like your tolerance withdrawal symptoms weren't too bad when you decided to taper the Alprazolam, this may mean you'll have some time before tolerance becomes severe.

 

Be aware going back on the drug may require an up-dose and it could take some time to stabilize, do you have a doctor willing to increase your dose if necessary?

Also my experience having gone on and off benzos multiple times is that the reaction is more severe each time. I know it’s tough with a 2 year old, I have a 4 year old myself. But we do need to think about the fact that eventually we are going to deteriorate and be forced off these meds. They are young now and this is tough but do we want to be bedridden when they are 12 or 16? I wish I was wiser and had know not to go on and off these drugs. Previous withdrawals sucked but this last one I barely survived. I am not being dramatic, it was so severe I barely survived. It was a forced withdrawal too because I hit tolerance or kindled as they say and was getting sicker and sicker while still on the medication. Just keep these things in mind before you make a rash decision. I really believe that reinstating is just kicking the can down the road. Eventually you will have to come off and most likely if you go on a higher dose it will be much worse than this time. So before kicking the can down the road ask yourself this. When will be a good time to be disabled in benzo withdrawal and unable to take care of your family? Is later really better just because now is tough?

Thank you Pamster and Jack37 for your kindness and advices

 

I am feeling much better today and will forget about reinstating by now. I am aware that reinstating is just borrowing time with the devil and hopefully I will be able to keep my job and take care of my family while my body and mind heal a little more during the next months.

 

Lots of love to you

I'm feeling much relief Benzoito, I do my best to remain neutral when a member talks about reinstating because I know it's a terribly personal decision but I can't help but feel concern because I've seen so many members regret it.  I'm grateful Jack37 was able to give you the benefit of his experience, I'm grateful for this community and how willingly they share with others.

 

We get through this one minute at a time, we don't know if we can stand it another day but if we can make it another, then another minute, we can make it through. 

Pamster

 

Your approach was perfect. Thank you for avoiding my return to benzos!

 

Hey, I'm no expert on any of this stuff and it seems like no more advice is really needed as you're doing a lot better now. (Edit: I didn't realise this post had reached two pages of replies either so it's even less appropriate now but hey-ho).

 

I just had a thought to share.

 

"I was doing pretty well, running 1-2 miles, 3 times a week, but my muscles now are wasting away and my muscular tone is not coming back, no mater how much I work out. From months 8-12 I also started to feel increasingly fatigued." Just isolating those handful of facts from your life, combined with your diet consisting of low to zero carbs, I would just suggest adding carbs again to your diet and seeing what effect this has before reinstating. I'm obviously unaware for your reasons of trying to eliminate carbs from your diet. But it seems like you have a very active and demanding life, even without the exercise, so muscular degeneration and fatigue would be expected in the absence of carbohydrates. There is so much snake oil and bullshit out there in the nutrition and sports science world.

 

If you weren't eliminating carbs due to health reasons/ it wasn't completely clear that carbs were the source of said health reasons, then it has to be a better idea to add carbs before adding benzo's.

Hope this doesn't come across as condescending, but I'm pretty clued up about nutrition and sports performance and I just read that part about you considering reinstating and was like "NOOOOOOOOOOO, must offer advice."