Fear!!!

Recently the chemical anxiety has been replaced by this chemical fear. It comes on anytime of day or night. After I fall asleep at night about an hour goes by and I wake up in a terrible panicky fear. I have to calm myself down and fall back to sleep but then I wake up again and it's fear. It can do this three times a night. Then it gets close to morning and I'm sleeping and fear wakes me up again. Anyone else deal with this kind of fear? It's just too much! I also still have side pain, don't know how much more I can take. This is so depressing . Not sure if it's chemical depression or just depression from the situation but at times it feels like chemical depression too. Still no real windows happening. Except at about 10 p.m. at night it can settle down for a couple of hours and then the fear sets in. Help! I'm 15 1/2 months out now. I'm wondering if this could be the last big thing that needs to heal before I recover.

 

LiveLife

I can relate to the fear...I had it in the early months up to 1 year and something off..

It was relentless..

I had fear mixed in with the chemical anxiety off and on for 13 months but never anything like this. This seems to be like fear on steroids!

I had fear mixed in with the chemical anxiety off and on for 13 months but never anything like this. This seems to be like fear on steroids!

It's unreal and irrational..How are you coping?

I would wake like that as well for many months, It was awful but declined over time.

Bexlan

 

Today I'm not coping very well. It's just been going on and I feel like I can't take it anymore. It feels unbearable right now.

Jonna,

 

How long did the fear last for you? I had chemical anxiety for 13 long months. I feel like I have PTSD from the fearful nights. Its awful!

The chemical anxiety and fear both go away it just took a very long time for me.

Bexlan

 

Today I'm not coping very well. It's just been going on and I feel like I can't take it anymore. It feels unbearable right now.

Sending you a virtual hug buddy..

Bexlan,

 

Thank you so much. I really need a hug right now. I cannot believe how much I'm struggling it's the worst I've been in quite some time.

Hi all,

 

Yes, the fear is real and it typically comes on whenever the slightest symptom occurs. It’s incredible how strong it can get.

 

In the first 3 months, the acute windows would only occur at night, waking me up 3-4 times every other night. I would wake up basically in terror from the vibrations in the head and chest with the tremors, inner earthquake, gasping of air and palpitations, chest tightness, etc… some nights I was able to fall back asleep, other nights it was insomnia all the way.

 

In the past couple of months (I am 9 months post jump), the waves started occurring mostly during the day… they are way milder, however just as scary since they happen while I’m at work, and the anxiety gets super strong as I am fearful of experiencing symptoms at work. These newer waves consist mainly of dizziness, palpitations, feeling faint, fast heart rate, chest tightness, feeling of suffocation. And they occur just about every other day…

 

Wish everyone a fast recovery.

 

Karla

 

 

Totally relate with you being 21 months out.  It will pass though.

 

Peace to you and stay positive

 

Hingie

Karla,

 

Thanks for your comments. It's really great that you're able to work. I am not able to work. Good healing to you!

 

LiveLife

Hingie,

 

When did the fear start letting up for you? Or do you still get it?

 

LiveLife

I was a short term user (only 5 weeks total)!!!

 

So being 9 months out and still recovering, it feels like a very long recovery 😔

 

I was lucky working 100% remote for the first 8 months post jump. We just returned to the office last month, but only 3 days/week, the other 2 remain remote, so this helps immensely!

 

But the fear during benzo withdrawal is unbelievable. Totally understand what everyone is going through.

 

Thinking positive 🙂

Karla,

 

Well I'm glad you're improving and hopefully you'll be turning a big corner and healed very soon since you were a short time user. Hugs!

 

LiveLife

I'm having that fear all day so far.  It happens often.  It's definitely like my CNS is in hyper-drive mode, or like someone said on this thread, like a PTSD feeling.  Tremors, shallow breathing and serious anxiety/panic.  I feel like I'm imaging these weird side effects, but I'm not.  You are giving me reassurance buddies. Sending love, hope and healing.

Hingie,

 

When did the fear start letting up for you? Or do you still get it?

 

LiveLife

 

Hi,

 

I used to be in constant fear earlier on much like many others describe in the wretched journey.  Lately,  it more of the anxiety fear or irrational fear / anxiety.

 

Hang in there, it will eventually pass.  This process is a horrible journey but it does get better.  Just not fast enough.

 

Peace to you,

 

Hingie

What helps whenever a wave hits, is the knowledge that all previous ones passed and were followed by good days… if our bodies handled this many months of symptoms, chances are that they will continue to handle all that follow as well… until one day we will feel 100%.

 

Btw, just wanted to let everyone know that about a week ago, in my 9th month, I had my first 100% feel like my old self day. Best days thus far have been at 90-95%. So if that happened, I believe it will happen again.

 

Distraction and positive thinking will get us through 🙂

 

Karla

 

Btw, just wanted to let everyone know that about a week ago, in my 9th month, I had my first 100% feel like my old self day. Best days thus far have been at 90-95%. So if that happened, I believe it will happen again.

 

Distraction and positive thinking will get us through 🙂

 

Karla

 

Just saw this post and it made my day!

I lived that fear experience for a couple of months. It passes. It really does. Just please tell yourself that this is evidence that you are healing. It might sound ridiculous but it is true. I had such extreme terror all the time (except a few hours in the afternoon) and I would fall asleep and jerk awake with terror. I literally did not sleep except these little micro sleeps that made me jerk awake in panic.

 

This has passed for me for the most part but I still have chemical fear or panic surge over me .... just less and less intense. Mostly intrusive thoughts about how active and well I used to be and the thoughts taunt me about how bad I am now and how I will never get better. I say this - anything that makes you feel bad and scared, just chalk it up to the BW experience. It is all a lie.

 

I might search a few posts that helped me and see if I can attach them. but to answer your question, I had this extreme fear and panic and it slowly subsided in intensity. SLOWLy. Most terrifying time of my entire life.

Well I could not find the "Benzo Lies" thread but here is something I saved on my computer from somewhere:

 

 

 

 

 

 

When you feel it, say -

 

"This feels like fear, but it is not really fear. It is from a chemical storm in my brain."

 

"It will not hurt me"

 

"It is because new nerves are growing in they are not wired properly yet"

 

"This happened to others, and the fear went away and they became calm again"

 

" Fear is a sign of progress and healing"

 

" The fear stage will end and I will be calm and happy again."

 

Holdingontohope,

 

Thank you for your encouraging post it does really help, it makes so much sense the fear is so toxic. To look at it as a sign of healing does help. I've had those same intrusive thoughts about actually good memories that taunt me and make me feel so depressed, because I'm so far from that right now. It helps to know that I'm not alone. Hugs!

 

LiveLife

Here is the benzo lies thread

 

Thank you so much for finding that Benzo lies thread. This whole experience for me has been 95% mental and the lies are non stop all day. ALL DAY.