Author Topic: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone  (Read 1423 times)

[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2021, 01:21:43 am »
I just wanted to add that I'm living in the past so much right now that I actually got down all my old journals, a huge stack, and started reading them all over.  It's actually helping me because I've been through this before and healed, so the journals help me see clearly how the symptoms don't last forever.  But even so, some of the entries are just plain depressing. 
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[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2021, 04:25:21 am »
I think about all I used to be able to do and can't do now.  It sucks being sick and damaged like this.  I'm in prison!
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[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #12 on: September 16, 2021, 05:22:48 am »
Thank you thank you all for sharing!!

I am not alone. We are not alone. It helps to know that others are going through this as well so I know itís all the same madness of this injury.

I honestly swear itís like emotions on steroids all the time.
I wish us all future so peaceful and bright we canít even comprehend yet!
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[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2021, 05:51:21 am »
I can literally relate to your issues as I am going through same. I am literally afraid of everything now... I just hope everything will be back to normal one day.
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[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2021, 06:54:20 pm »
Thank you thank you all for sharing!!

I am not alone. We are not alone. It helps to know that others are going through this as well so I know itís all the same madness of this injury.

I honestly swear itís like emotions on steroids all the time.
I wish us all future so peaceful and bright we canít even comprehend yet!

💯
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2021, 01:38:39 pm »
I can literally relate to your issues as I am going through same. I am literally afraid of everything now... I just hope everything will be back to normal one day.

We must keep going and hold on to the notion that we are not alone although it feels like it now.
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[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #16 on: September 22, 2021, 01:45:10 pm »
So the crushing loneliness hasnít been as bad lately as it was. It was replaced by other things (no surprise there!) and it seems to be my healing pattern that every day is as bad as the previous but the symptoms cycle. I know it can come back at anytime. But it goes to show ďitís just another symptom of this madnessĒ..

As far as Iíve understood, according to the polyvagal theory, there are 3 states the nervous system cycles through each day (even for healthy people). Well, we are missing the third one - ventral vagal aka parasympathetic state. It is a state of connection, because we feel calm, centered, peaceful and present, it is easy for us to feel the belonging to this world and connection with others that is so vital for life. It makes sense that we currently canít quite go to that state and hence feel such a deep level of loneliness.

Plus I havenít quite wrapped my head around this injury and what it does to the part of us that feels connected to the source/spirit/God/higher power. It does something and Iím sure itís a part of us we really donít yet know (maybe energetic or chakra system) that gets damaged and we donít feel the presence of life as we used to do. That is the one thing I most miss. Feel like I am in the world, alive and part of some bigger greater mystery.
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[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #17 on: September 25, 2021, 01:40:22 am »
The different mental states that the broken nervous system makes us go through is perplexing! Mine cycle from heavy SI, depression, anhedonia, crying spells, envy, anger, frustration, terror & anxiety to all the weird stuff in between that cannot be explained. Every day something, but it seems to change from month to month.

Iíve had this before, but right now I have been in a wave that has brought up feelings of crushing loneliness, itís as if I was the last human on earth abandoned and totally on my own. I also feel immense fear, that Iíll end up alone in this life since right now I cannot perceive a future where I could make deep friendships and relationships with new people. My old friends have pretty much moved on with their lives (which I understand since I have been extremely ill for years) and I donít have a family of my own (meaning a partner or children). I currently live with my older parents who just retired and have had to take care of me for he past year since I have been severely disabled and bed bound. I can see how they get older and tired and have illnesses and the fear of loosing them grabs my stomach and makes me want to puke. I cannot imagine going through their deaths. I feel like I cannot live without them and donít have anyone else than them left. And I feel angry that they have had to worry over me and Iíve lost so many years with them.

There is also this weird flavor of nostalgia that I cannot wrap my head around. Itís not the good kind, itís a bitter feeling of wanting to go back to 80ís and 90ís when I was a kid and everything was still good and simpler. I end up watching a lot of old cartoons and cry for the lost years. All these emotions are just so overwhelming I feel at times I could drown in them. Right now it seems as if I have no future or the future I have, is very gloomy, dark and lonely.

Anyone feel this way? I constantly keep wondering if this is wd or just the age I am in. (Mid 30ís)

I often feel exactly the same I often think exactly the same
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[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #18 on: January 08, 2022, 02:16:29 pm »
The different mental states that the broken nervous system makes us go through is perplexing! Mine cycle from heavy SI, depression, anhedonia, crying spells, envy, anger, frustration, terror & anxiety to all the weird stuff in between that cannot be explained. Every day something, but it seems to change from month to month.

Iíve had this before, but right now I have been in a wave that has brought up feelings of crushing loneliness, itís as if I was the last human on earth abandoned and totally on my own. I also feel immense fear, that Iíll end up alone in this life since right now I cannot perceive a future where I could make deep friendships and relationships with new people. My old friends have pretty much moved on with their lives (which I understand since I have been extremely ill for years) and I donít have a family of my own (meaning a partner or children). I currently live with my older parents who just retired and have had to take care of me for he past year since I have been severely disabled and bed bound. I can see how they get older and tired and have illnesses and the fear of loosing them grabs my stomach and makes me want to puke. I cannot imagine going through their deaths. I feel like I cannot live without them and donít have anyone else than them left. And I feel angry that they have had to worry over me and Iíve lost so many years with them.

There is also this weird flavor of nostalgia that I cannot wrap my head around. Itís not the good kind, itís a bitter feeling of wanting to go back to 80ís and 90ís when I was a kid and everything was still good and simpler. I end up watching a lot of old cartoons and cry for the lost years. All these emotions are just so overwhelming I feel at times I could drown in them. Right now it seems as if I have no future or the future I have, is very gloomy, dark and lonely.

Anyone feel this way? I constantly keep wondering if this is wd or just the age I am in. (Mid 30ís)

Wilding,
Oh my GOODNESS this was one of my biggest symptoms!!  Yes, yes and yes.
I would lament for HOURS over lost time (I'm 55), worry about losing loved ones, convince myself I would die alone, and so on and son on.
It's was torture!
PLEASE, find the thread on this forum that talks about "what's going on in your brain" and read it.
Then read it again.
This is merely your brain healing.  Your neurotransmitters need to grow back to process better.
WHILE that's happening, it's SO important for you to feed your brain positive thoughts!
Even though as you say them to yourself you don't necessarily believe them.
Remind yourself of every loved one you have and why you love them and why you KNOW they love you.
If you have a Higher Power, remind yourself that you are loved by your Creator.
Remind yourself that you are an AMAZING person capable of making friends and having people you haven't even met yet love you.
Remind yourself that your future is going to be AMAZING once you get through this - WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS!

Please know I felt EVERYTHING you described and it went away.  It took me 2+ years to heal, but all of these feelings faded over time and now I feel love and joy beyond ANYTHING I did prior to withdrawal.  Love and happiness and joy are now accompanied by a feeling like I can't even contain the happiness . . like I'm going to explode from it because it's so BEAUTIFULLY overwhelming!

I promise, it's going to happen for you too!!

Fakeit

I am rereading topics as I am in a bad bad wave and FakeIt I really want to thank you for your reassurance!! I am 16 months from setback and the thought of healing is slipping away but you have given me hope that we do heal. Did you experience a major wave right before healing? Like very acute like?

Hope all is well with you! All my best to you.
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[Buddie]

Re: Nostalgia, extreme loneliness, fear of ending up alone
« Reply #19 on: January 31, 2022, 03:59:03 pm »
Bumping this topic as it still relevant. How is everyone doing with their intense loneliness?
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