my story

 

am 68 years old and I am French and the text below has been translated by a translation tool.

 

I was prescribed a benzodiazepine / Bromazepam 3 x 1mg (morning, noon and evening) at the end of November 2012 for burnout. I was never able to take the midday dose because I was so high. So I took 2 x 1mg (morning and evening).

When I tried to stop it after 2 months of taking it was hell. I was cutting off bits of the tablet and had to reinsert it several times until I ran into the Ashton Manual. I have never been able to decrease more than 3% every two weeks to keep it manageable. It took me 3 years to wean and I finished my weaning in July 2015.

 

To help me during weaning and to continue working, a doctor prescribed homeopathy, valerian, saffron,…. With hindsight I think it was a mistake because it certainly potentiated the benzo. I had to undergo 2 withdrawal anesthesias for a colonoscopy and dental care, and 2 antibiotics which did not make me back down too much. Long before, in the past, I had been prescribed tetrazepam for back pain and I had stopped without problems, unaware of benzodiazepines.

My post-weaning was long and difficult. By July 2020 I had recovered to about 80% and was leading an almost normal life, but I could not exert intense physical effort.

In May 2020, when I got out of confinement, I started using hydroalcoholic gel and disinfectants containing ethanol. After 2 months I did not feel well: return of anxiety, extrasystoles and a few restless nights. I stopped using the gel at the end of July 2020.

I spent 2 weeks bedridden in August and September, then it got better again, but I still felt hyper excited, but I was able to function on a daily basis.

 

Everything deteriorated in early April 2020 with first major physical symptoms:

- pain in the stomach area, under the ribs, back, thorax, ..

- burns on the body (arms, back)

- bloating, nausea, vomiting attacks without rejection

- corset which tightens the thorax, chest tightness

- heart attacks, arrhythmia, often increased heart rate with slightest effort (80,90,110), fluctuating BP 120 ... 160

- insomnia

- almost permanent tinnitus, permanent music on a loop

- dizziness, vertigo

- left / right shift, left side reduced.

From the end of May have been added

- insomnia every other night

- anxiety, panic attacks with screaming, fears, crying, panic,

- symptoms on the left side, ataxia

 

In June, July, August were added:

- weird taste in throat and mouth

- difficulty swallowing, feeling of suffocation, feeling of thick tongue

- dry mouth, mucous membranes, skin

- hair loss

- pain in the legs, burning in all the limbs and back

- corset feeling tightening the torso

- sound hallucination, clicking in the ears

- difficulty eating on certain days

- difficulty reading and making crosswords

- belching which "block" and do not succeed

- physical and mental akathisia

 

and worsened:

- increased abdominal pain (but less abdominal and back pain when standing) and spasms,

- internal tremors and vibrations, state of hyperexcitation, hyperacusis

- increased nausea with vomiting attacks without rejection

- dry cough

- insomnia, sleepless nights,

- boiling brain

- strong fatigue, desire to sleep but cannot do it (excitement, belching, shaking that wakes you up, etc.)

- impossibility of carrying out the usual activities (reading, crosswords, music, TV ...)

- increased anxiety, haunting music in the ears, tinnitus, hypersensitivity to noise, to light, ...

- dental pains

- at times, left / right shift, difficulty walking straight, dizziness as in a drunken boat,

- left / right vision problems

- inability to concentrate on anything other than the symptoms

- loss of the ability to visualize mental images (therefore to do relaxation or sophrology), but the memories are well intact and the memory is well intact

- constipation

- weight loss (9kg). I have 40kg for 1.58m

 

I made 3 trips to the emergency room. The blood tests are normal. The ECGs did not reveal any heart problems other than extrasystoles and palpitations. A brain scan was normal. There was no examination of the digestive system. The doctors concluded that the symptoms were functional due to anxiety.

 

I spent a week in a psychiatric department (psychiatric geriatrics) in difficult and stressful conditions. I was given Atarax. I took 3 x 0.25mg and asked to stop it due to the side effects (tachycardia, difficulty walking straight, dizziness, lethargy). The psychiatrist suggested Buspirone which I have not taken so far for fear of reigniting.

 

I am currently bedridden and unable to go to my doctor.

 

There are however randomly (day, evening, night,…) a few windows of improvement with attenuated and manageable symptoms. Sleep returns for a few hours approximately 1 in 2 or 3 nights, with nightmares and dreams. There are times when I can redo crosswords and I find everything, there are evenings when I can read a few pages of a book

 

I have a healthy diet, I do not drink coffee or alcohol, I am careful with histamine.

 

I wonder if it would be relevant to take a benzo and / or to take an anti-depressant to get out of this worsening situation, knowing that there is no doubt a great risk of re-ignition with even more violent symptoms.

 

Has anyone experienced such a situation?

 

Thank you in advance for your answers

 

 

Hello sissi, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

Thank you for translating your story into English, I'm so very sorry for your suffering.  Do you attribute your current health challenges to the benzodiazapine dependence and withdrawal or do you suspect another issue?

 

You ask if going back on a benzo or taking an antidepressant will worsen your situation, I don't know but we may have other members who have faced similar situations who can advise you given their experience.

 

I'll provide a link for you to post your questions to in order to get the most replies but I would suggest you try to keep your questions brief, as you know benzo withdrawal severely impacts our cognitive function so our members respond better to the shorter posts.

 

We're glad you found us and I hope we can help you.

 

Pamster

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

 

Hello Pamster,

thank you for welcoming me to your site.

In March 2021 I was still leading a normal life (shopping, cooking, reading, TV,…) with some perfectly manageable symptoms.

I think I was reignited (kindling) by the alcohol of the hydroalcoholic gel, when it suddenly stopped in July 2020. I have seen testimonials to this effect on your site.

I do not understand that my symptoms worsened violently 9 months after stopping the use of the gel and continue to worsen.

Yet blood tests, ECGs and brain scan are normal.

A priori, I don't suspect anything other than kindling.

A psychiatrist consulted in July thought of a generalized anxiety disorder or depression, but could not give me an explanation as to the episodes of akathisia and ataxia, and as to the permanent music in my head and the brain in constant turmoil;

So I accepted hospitalization in a psychiatric ward at the end of July. To avoid another benzo, I was given hydroxyzine which I did not tolerate well and which I stopped after 3 doses; since then all my symptoms have worsened.

If I understood correctly, I must ask my questions in the link that you indicated to me.

Thank you and good evening.

Sissi

Welcome Sissi to Benzo Buddies,

 

Dear Live Life,

 

Yes, I can relate.  At 11 months off Valium, I am still having severe muscle pain/tension/burning in lower back & side, buttocks and sometimes also in my legs muscle. It is virtually always on my right hand side.  It can be crippling.  This pain/stiffness is much worse than when I first quit.

 

I did have some minor windows in the first 7-8 months but mostly during that time the muscle pain symptoms were relentless.  I am hopefully just coming out of a brutal wave which has lasted about 8 weeks.  Last week I did have a brief 1.5 day window and the stiffness is not quite as bad so maybe I am slowly coming out of that 2 month wave. 

 

It is all very frustrating and depressing.  Feels like I will never heal.

 

For me I use heat pads (or sometimes ice packs) and gentle swimming.  The swimming helps to stretch my muscles and I always feel better afterwards.  Sometimes the relief can last for several hours (like having a mini window).

Hello Pamster,

thank you for welcoming me to your site.

In March 2021 I was still leading a normal life (shopping, cooking, reading, TV,…) with some perfectly manageable symptoms.

I think I was reignited (kindling) by the alcohol of the hydroalcoholic gel, when it suddenly stopped in July 2020. I have seen testimonials to this effect on your site.

I do not understand that my symptoms worsened violently 9 months after stopping the use of the gel and continue to worsen.

Yet blood tests, ECGs and brain scan are normal.

A priori, I don't suspect anything other than kindling.

A psychiatrist consulted in July thought of a generalized anxiety disorder or depression, but could not give me an explanation as to the episodes of akathisia and ataxia, and as to the permanent music in my head and the brain in constant turmoil;

So I accepted hospitalization in a psychiatric ward at the end of July. To avoid another benzo, I was given hydroxyzine which I did not tolerate well and which I stopped after 3 doses; since then all my symptoms have worsened.

If I understood correctly, I must ask my questions in the link that you indicated to me.

Thank you and good evening.

Sissi

 

I've seen alcohol severely impact healing so I wouldn't be surprised if this is what happened to you.  The link I provided will afford you the greatest number of responses, not that many members view the introductions board since it's mainly used to welcome new members, the busiest boards are in the withdrawal section.

Bonjour et merci

Hello and thank you for your answers and your help and support.

 

From now on I will post in the postwithdrawal section.

Oh Jesus. I'm sorry you're going through this. If you are offered SSRI, maybe consider. I did 20 mg prozac for 6 months. It helped me in a subtle, in a way that it gave me my sleep back and i was suffering less hours of the clock. But it didn't change the symptoms. So it bought me more time basically. Time needed for this to slowly fade out. And sleep is a great healer

May I ask, please, exactly what does Sissi eat? Eileen