Been having insomnia last few nights. 18 months off benzos but might have f’d up

Hey everyone. So I’m 18 months off benzos. I was doing really well. I was finally not on any kind of medications and doing fine. I’m embarrassed to bring this up but I’m worried and maybe someone has some input. When I went to rehab in 2019 it was mainly for benzo an norco pain reliever. I did drink a few beers quite frequently an smoked weed as well. I quit everything when I went to rehab. Go to rehab, have a tough few months w the wd, the worst of it was the insomnia. I eventually get passed it and I stay pretty stable for almost 18 months.  Then in July work was real stressful an it was getting hard to do my job. My brother does kratom and I thought he’ll maybe I could do a low dose few days a week. Wrong. Pretty much took a low dose at work mon-fri. Seemed to be ok. Then last weekend I thought maybe I could have a beer or two an be ok. I ended up taking a hit of weed as well.  So now it’s 4 days later and I’m feeling like I’m having those benzo withdrawal insomnia again. I feel like such a idiot. I know this is a benzo page an all and a benzo is the one thing that I haven’t took since I got clean an I have no plans too. So now since I’m having this insomnia I’m def not doing kratom or having a beer anytime soon. I guess my question is do you think me using kratom or having that night w a few beers an weed triggered something in me that now I’m having this scary insomnia out of nowhere after I’ve slept normal for so long. I feel like I let myself an everyone down here.

It's probably a combination of them affecting your fragile CNS. Too much too soon. It will calm down again, just need to be kind to yourself until you heal more

Appreciate the reply. I will most likely never touch a drink or any kind of pill after this. On my second day no sleep. Anybody ever stress so much on not sleeping that your arms an legs start having a burning sensation?

I'm with you on the burning sensation on arms and legs associated with lack of sleep.  I have it too.  I think it's a pretty common stress reaction.

Oh no, I'm sorry this happened to you.  Having a few beers with friends ( like 2) is something I looked forward to after recovery, do it stinks to know you can still have problems after 18 months and feeling good. 

Appreciate it responses. Yea the burning sensations are really uncomfortable. Yea I’m really upset with myself. Sleep is really important to me. I just remember when I got off benzos how hard it was with the insomnia for about a month. I have no clue why I decided to mess with that. I felt so in control of myself and my anxiety an sleeping and I guess I thought taking a small dose of kratom wouldn’t hurt. I had planned on waiting two years to attempt to have a beer or two so I was pretty close an thought I’d give it a try. All of us are different and you probably would be fine but for some reason I’m having this insomnia and it feels exactly like the benzo withdrawal insomnia which scares the shit out of me. Take your time on your recovery everybody.

It WILL even out over time.  Might take longer than you want though?

 

Siggy had two alcohol related setbacks after drinking too soon after he was "healed."

 

Just stay away from the alcohol for sure and the other stuff....

 

You'll be fine!

I don’t get it. So I was on two days yesterday morning no sleep. I called in from work and at 5am I ended up sleeping 3 hours. I was pretty happy and decided to go to work. Worked both my jobs 11-9 an thought I should be able to sleep. I know it’s only 1am still a little early but it’s so frustrating. I don’t understand how I’m dealing with this again after 18 months. I was for the most part having no issues falling asleep.

It seems we really need to stay away from weed and alcohol and live a pretty clean life after whatever these benzos do to our bodies. I’m sure you’ll get back to normal soon. I have to say though you should strongly consider seeing a therapist if you are not already. I self medicated for years without really knowing why. It is easy to think it’s normal to turn to weed or alcohol to deal with work stress but then consider how many people are able to handle so much without this need. I started therapy about 3 years ago thinking it could help me with this withdrawal mess and it did not help with my withdrawal at all, lol. But indirectly it did help because it exposed my underlying issues that lead me to this crap in the first place. I found out that I had OCD my whole life and that is why I had to do things like smoke weed just to fall asleep at night. The OCD thoughts gave me anxiety and kept me awake. It has been really helpful just knowing what is wrong. The awareness of it is a huge relief in itself. It only works if you are open to it and really are honest with the therapist about everthing. It is a huge amount of work but it is the best thing I have done for myself.

 

Sorry you’re going through this again. Like I said, stay away from that other crap and you should get back to normal. It sucks not to be able to have a few beers like a normal person but that is just our reality. I don’t know if I’ll ever drink again. This whole thing has changed the way I think about how I treated my CNS over the years. This last benzo withdrawal damaged me so bad I will do anything to avoid suffering like that again. I am doing pretty well now and plan to stay that way if I can.

Thanks for the reply Jack. I can’t agree with you more on what you mentioned.  I have saw a therapist in the past but i have Kaiser and they have so much patients that the therapist I’d see just seemed like a lady that was trying to cover the high workload. I’d like to see a therapist like you see in the movies. Where it’s a hour long, diving more deep into what started this all. So I will probably look around and pay out of pocket. I know that would help. Yea your smart on not trying to do any of the vices like beer or smoke. I just get to comfortable feeling like a normal person and think I can try it and I do realize it’s probably not for me anymore and I’m actually ok with that. Appreciate the feedback bud.

I'm basically terrified of ingesting any alcohol. I was never a drinker, but I had a Bacardi cooler once in a while. I haven't had a drop since my withdrawal and healing, and I will probably never have any alcohol for the rest of my life now.