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19 months off - yippeeee!


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Tomorrow I’ll be 19 months off - yipeeeee! & here I am still breathing, still here - albeit battered & bruised but still here none the less.  I can not believe I’m still here - literally. There were so so many times when my symptoms were horrific I thought I was dying.  I wasn’t - it was just the nasty beast that Withdrawal can be.  I’m not healed as of yet - but I’m hoping to be soon. I’m staying away from the protracted boards & don’t even think of myself as protracted.  I just take one day at a time, sometimes, often, one moment at a time.  I survive the day - basically I’m in survival mode.  BWD has just become a way of life for me to be honest - I know this is bad but I honestly can’t imagine getting back to being normal - I hope to one day but it’s such a stretch of imagination to me to actually think I can get back to pre-Benzo’s. I still have weird symptoms & im just used to dismissing them & putting one foot in front of the other.  I still wish I had never ever laid eyes on these barbaric drugs & their torturous after effects.  Oh well - I did & now I have to deal with it as best as I can. Hang In there everyone - we will get there, somehow, sometime. :))
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Bess: you are here and you are alive and it sounds like you have entered the state of being we mention on here - surrender. Surrendering to what is and trusting our body is doing what it needs to in order to heal. Don't give up! And yes often it is one step in front of the other. Progress even if it is slow is still progress:)
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Hi sweet, brave Bess.  You have the right attitude and, as Trina said, being able to accept this demoralizing benzo beast journey for what it is, will keep your spirits up and speed you forward to the final window.  You are one of the most supportive BBs on the BWD forum and I always feel comforted when you weigh in and support me. 

 

So healing hugs and prayers for you from your BB friend,

 

GG

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Hi sweet, brave Bess.  You have the right attitude and, as Trina said, being able to accept this demoralizing benzo beast journey for what it is, will keep your spirits up and speed you forward to the final window.  You are one of the most supportive BBs on the BWD forum and I always feel comforted when you weigh in and support me. 

 

So healing hugs and prayers for you from your BB friend,

 

GG

 

Ohhhh sweet, brave, courageous, strong GG - thank you so so much. Your lovely message & kind hopeful words mean the world to me right now. Thanks lovely. Hugs right back to you xx

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Bess: you are here and you are alive and it sounds like you have entered the state of being we mention on here - surrender. Surrendering to what is and trusting our body is doing what it needs to in order to heal. Don't give up! And yes often it is one step in front of the other. Progress even if it is slow is still progress:)

 

Lovely Trina, thank you so much got putting a positive spin on the pit I find myself in - if this is surrender I’ll take it. Especially if it’s one step closer to healing. I’m not gonna give up  Thabks to lovely, kind & supportive people like you.  Thank you. I hope you’re doing ok :))

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Oh Bess, it's so hard not to succumb to the awfulness of what these drugs have done to us.  We will not succumb but, as Trina aptly notes, a need to surrender to the process of getting to the other side is the reality.  It's a sad realization indeed, but one day we will celebrate beating the unfair hand we were dealt.  Hugs and healing moving forward! 
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Oh Bess, it's so hard not to succumb to the awfulness of what these drugs have done to us.  We will not succumb but, as Trina aptly notes, a need to surrender to the process of getting to the other side is the reality.  It's a sad realization indeed, but one day we will celebrate beating the unfair hand we were dealt.  Hugs and healing moving forward!

 

Thanks so much. Hope you’re doing ok. I’ve been in a wretched wave for a while & not getting much respite from it - hoping for a window soon & the return of my sanity. Thanks so much for your kind words, support & encouragement- it means a lot, thank you.

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Bess…

 

This sounds very positive  ;)

Keep up the good work and your complete recovery will surely follow.

 

Banana Man  :thumbsup:

 

Hi, thanks so much: I hope you’re doing ok. :))

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Ah Bess55,

 

I am glad you are this far in recovery. Like others said, your complete healing is around the corner! I recognize part of your story, but you are further ahead. I hope you continue to heal!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hugs to you Bess. You’re doing great! What a warrior you are. I’m taking inspiration from this post. Thanks!

 

Hey lovely Ladyden - hugs right back to you! How are you going? I haven’t been on BB as much lately,  I hope you are being kind to your lovely self.  Ohhhh thank you for your lovely kind words - you’ve cheered me up - thank you lovely.  You lovely are the warrior, the inspiration with your brave, fierce determination & fearless blind faith.  Go you!

 

I’m 20 months off today. Slogged in a wave. Mostly my own doing as I went nuts with eating wayyyyyy too much of the wrong food. Including ice cream, it was soooooo hood but yikes am I paying for it now,  on the Beastly BWD menu for me at the moment is that feeling that insects are crawling under your skin & skin that feels as if it’s just been set on fire.  This is the one symptom that almost drives me batty.  Vicious cold showers help & a ton of soothing MSM moisturiser.  I’m rapid cycling. BWD has now swiped me with a contacting muscle in my groin. Oh well. Onwards.

 

Big love to you strong mama. Xxxx

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Ah Bess55,

 

I am glad you are this far in recovery. Like others said, your complete healing is around the corner! I recognize part of your story, but you are further ahead. I hope you continue to heal!

 

Thanks so much for your kind words - they mean a lot.  I hope you’re doing ok,  hang in there - we will get to the other side.  We have too.

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Hugs to you Bess. You’re doing great! What a warrior you are. I’m taking inspiration from this post. Thanks!

 

Hey lovely Ladyden - hugs right back to you! How are you going? I haven’t been on BB as much lately,  I hope you are being kind to your lovely self.  Ohhhh thank you for your lovely kind words - you’ve cheered me up - thank you lovely.  You lovely are the warrior, the inspiration with your brave, fierce determination & fearless blind faith.  Go you!

 

I’m 20 months off today. Slogged in a wave. Mostly my own doing as I went nuts with eating wayyyyyy too much of the wrong food. Including ice cream, it was soooooo hood but yikes am I paying for it now,  on the Beastly BWD menu for me at the moment is that feeling that insects are crawling under your skin & skin that feels as if it’s just been set on fire.  This is the one symptom that almost drives me batty.  Vicious cold showers help & a ton of soothing MSM moisturiser.  I’m rapid cycling. BWD has now swiped me with a contacting muscle in my groin. Oh well. Onwards.

 

Big love to you strong mama. Xxxx

Yes I think I’m rapid cycling too. I thought I’d be healed by now LOL wishful thinking. I’m having a shift in my recovery. I’m now having morning waves that are pretty intense once or twice a week but the other mornings are medium. Symptoms popping in and out all day with new ones or old ones briefly. I’m sleeping well each night. Every now and then if I’m in a wave at bedtime then I’ll have a bit trouble falling to sleep. Slow easy breathing is my best friend.

Sorry you’re paying for enjoying a treat. I almost did this same thing but decided I’d better wait a bit longer. I really want some peanut butter cups covered in chocolate ( Reese’s) lol maybe on Halloween I’ll try just one. I really don’t want a setback. But I miss eating so many things too. And you know what? The only way we can know if we can eat something is to eat it lol I guess we just shouldn’t dive in so fast and hard.

Wonderful to hear from you lovely. I’ve been wondering where you were. Thanks for your kind words. Big hugs to you my dear

Congrats on being 20 months. 👏 awesome job!

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