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I'm scared and stuck!


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What an awful bad patch I'm in right now.  I'm at about 0.06mg of Klonopin and don't know how I'm going to go any further.  The symptoms started hitting me about three days ago.  Since then I haven't slept due to the anxiety and the depression has been severe, perhaps the worst it has been since I started tapering.  I went to work yesterday and wanted to leave but was afraid to come back to my house since I would be all alone.  I don't how I can taper anymore ( I couldn't be going any slower than I have been) and I too afraid to jump from here.  What are my options? Last night I took every supplement I could get my hands on to try and promote sleep.  Nothing worked.  I fear I might be someone who just can't get off this stuff.  Is it possible that this was just an usual hiccup? I hope so but I doubt it. 
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I hate to see you are in a rough patch at the moment. :(

 

I found that as I reached the low doses of valium, I was having what seemed like interdose withdrawal, despite valium's long half life.

 

I remember IW from my Xanax days, and I felt the same way at 1 mg valium and below.

 

On the other hand, I also found that each cut was different for me.  When I hit 2 mgs, I had bad s/x for 2 weeks.  Then I cut to 1.5 mgs, and the s/x lessened in intensity almost immediately.  I plodded on ahead to matter how I felt until I was off, and I'm so glad I did.

 

Don't forget that s/x "wax and wane" for many people, so this could be as you said, a little hiccup.

 

How long have you been holding at the .06 dosage?

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Missy thanks for the encouragement.  I've been holding since 12/8.  The severity of these symptoms has not only taken me by surprise they have also been almost debilitating.  What should I do?  I'm afraid to move forward. I'm also concerned that holding won't help either.  I believe I'm paying now for a backlog.  This has been truly awful!  I do wonder if I'll ever make it off.  Your words about things changing at different times is what I have to cling to.  If the rest of the way is going to be like the past few days I seriously doubt I have what it takes to make it. 
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Wow, I know you don't want to hear this, but how much worse could it be if you jumped?  It seems to me as if your body is saying it's time.  I've heard of folks saying this at the end of their tapers, that they felt like going any lower was just prolonging the agony.  How low do you plan to go, you're certainly at a safe dose to do it. 
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Pam,  I have always heard that 0.5mg of Valium is a safe place to jump from.  I'm at the equivalence of 1.24mg of Valium.  Wouldn't it be wise to wait until I get around 0.025mg of Klonopin which equals 0.5mg of Valium before I jump?
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I've seen many folks just from .125 of Klonopin, I'm not suggesting you do this, but even Ashton had her folks jump from 1 mg of Valium.  I don't want you to suffer, but I'm just throwing it out there.  I'm sorry you've been hit so hard.  :(
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Pam thanks for the info, back to your original point.  I don't see how it could get much worse.  Maybe it could? I hope this doesn't keep on like this with every little cut or even holding.  Now is not a good time for me to jump.  I'm going to try holding until after New Years and then maybe revisit your suggestion.  I fear that I might be one of the ultra-sensitive types who will jump prematurely and will have to reinstate because I couldn't handle the pain.  And then all that suffering would have been wasted. 
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I am so sorry you have hit such a rough patch. It is up to you when you jump, I know when I got to the lower doses things were hard. I just kept cutting and then jumped off from a really low dose. If you can muster it, maybe just keep cutting every 2 weeks so that you can get off and let the real healing again. I hope you feel better very soon. You are so close so hang in there, you will make it!
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Thanks Cantwait for you feedback.  I'm not sure what I should do.  I wish I had a crystal ball.  Hey Pam (or anybody that knows the answer) if Ashton had her folks jump from 1mg of Valium where did all this talk come from about jumping at 0.5mg of V? 
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Hi Darrin,

 

Night before last, I had a night that scared me to death.  I have not mentioned it anywhere else on the forum, but it seems appropriate here.  I am 13 months off, and generally have been getting better...with a few bad times but not nearly as bad as I had several months ago.  Night before last, it was as bad as any night I have had in my withdrawals.  I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT.  It seemed to come out of nowhere, and all that I could think is that I was doomed.  I am serious.  I did not even consider the possibility of it being a WAVE because it was so different from what I had been considering waves.  It seemed like a return to square one. I slept very little, and was so depressed at the possibiltiy that I was having to start all over again.  I could barely get myself out of bed, my legs hurt so badly. I was terribly depressed. And I was very concerned because I had just committed myself to a new job, plus Christmas is coming, etc.

 

Well, I went and did what I always do when I am feeling bad and that was to soak in epsom salts.  What was absolutely amazing is that when I got out of the tub, I felt remarkably better and got progressively better throughout the day.  I never would have thought that could happen, based upon the past.  I would not have thought I could get so bad and then so "good" (relatively) in such a short amount of time.  I have no idea why this happened.  (Pam, is this common?)  But maybe your bad string of days was like my really bad night...just all part of the "randomness" of this experience.

 

How much longer are you going to be alone?  I started thinking about if you decide to jump, do you think you should wait until you are not by yourself?  I know that it is very difficult to make this decision, and I hope that some other voices will come and help you think it through.

 

Your buddy,

Leena

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Hi Leena,

 

Your experience sounds horrible, I'm glad it left as quickly as it did.  I've heard some crazy stuff here, this stuff is so unpredictable.  I'm sure Darrin is comforted by your words, I hope he feels better soon, this is torturous, I know.

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HI Darrin,

 

Many people do jump from 1/2 mg of Valium.  I have seen this tied to the Ashton tapers, but I have never seen a schedule for people on lower doses, so I am not sure if the 1/2 mg of Valium is actually tied to Ashton.  Like you, I have seen this 1/2 mg taper jumping point probably 100 times here and other forums and websites.  All of the Ashton schedules I have seen have been from larger does of Valium, so maybe the 1mg jump for those people was doable because it was a smaller percentage compared to the inital dosage as opposed to someone tapering from say .5mg of K or 10mg of V equivalent.

 

I have been following your taper for a while and I know you have checked in with me several times over the months. I wanted to thank you for always being supportive of me and I wanted to let you know how my experience went during the final stages of the taper.

 

I believe that at some point we just get to a dosage that isn't going to do much for you, but maybe prolong the agony.  I believe this dosage level varies for people and it is all based on a number of variables like time on the medication, starting dose, genetics, etc. 

 

My taper started to fall apart around 1/4 mg of K which, as you know, is five mg of Valium equivalent.  My initial dosage was 2mg, so this was 1/8 of my original dose.  At this point, I knew it was too high of a level to jump from for me, so I ended up going at the same rate of taper and I just dealt with the symptoms.  Many of these symptoms are now long gone, and I am dealing with just 2 or 3 symptoms that are very sporadic, as nothing is constant now.  I believe that what you are experiencing is maybe not full blown withdrawal, but very close to what you will experience once there is no more drug in your body.  Look at it this way, you are getting a big head start on healing. :)  All the stuff going on right now, is just your body adjusting to small dose of medication.

 

I know you have a tough decision to make...but my point to all of this is jumping just to jump off the medication will not make the symptoms any better.  Staying on and continuing the slow taper may not make them go away either, as it is just part of the process in order to heal.  I think what you have to do is reach a level at which you are comfortable at...and just jump off at that point.  If it were me, I would not jump above that 1mg of Valium equivalent mark.  You are really close to that right now, so it wouldn't take you much longer if you decided to jump at that point.  If you feel more comfortable taking it down more, I think that is what you should do.

 

I can give you one great example of someone who took it really slow at end.  Revolution Blue went really slow on the last .10 of his taper and at six months out is nearly healed.  He went very slow at the end of the taper, yes, he endured all the symptoms we all talk about, but he just celebrated a birthday and was able to go out and have a wonderful time.  It is my opinion, that he was healing alot as his body adjusted during the latter stages of his taper.  Many people have jumped from .125 on this forum and many others.  Many of them have found success, but from what I have seen, the majority seem to say, they wish they would have gone lower.  I won't mention any names, as I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but many of these people refer to this in their signature lines.

 

I hope this helps a bit.  You have come a long way, be proud of yourself for getting here.  I had a pretty uneventful taper until the last .25 mg or so.  If you have made it this far, and are just now experiencing the worst of it, I believe this proves you did a very wise taper, as many people "suffer" throughout the entire taper.

 

Hang tough..my friend..I am very proud that have come this far....and I am looking forward to welcoming you into the benzo free zone in the near future..

 

TC

 

 

 

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Hey TC...I am so glad you came to give Darrin your wisdom!  My taper was so unlike his that I just did not know what to offer!  I always learn from what you have to say.  It is good to see you coming back now and then...and good to know that you are doing as well as you are! 

 

Leena :)

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Leena,

 

Hey buddie. :)

 

I am doing good, not great, but much better.  Darrin and I used to joke around about what we should call our tapers...was it a snail taper, a turtle taper....we sort of poked fun at ourselves. :)

 

The one thing I am certain of..is..no matter what path we took to get to benzo free....it was well worth getting here..and we all will heal! :)

 

Btw..I have learned quite a bit from you and the others that are much farther along than me in far as time off the medication...I sort of know what to expect farther down the road....you guys have taught me alot.

 

This process really stinks...I never want to do this again!

 

Ever. :)

 

TC ;D

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I don't know which end is up at the moment.  Thanks TC for your thoughtful reply.  In truth I'm just trying to make it through this day.  I haven't been sleeping much.  My brain is just too excited.  I hope and pray I can stabilize soon.  I have no desire to do anything except sleep which is the one thing I can't do.  I have all these things I have to do before my trip on Saturday and I don't see how I'm going to do any let alone drive 500 miles on Saturday being as sleep deprived as I am.  Being alone during all this doesn't help at all. 
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