Sorry, I am wanting to take more clonazepam and go back to work. Need help...

Guys and gals, Im sorry im battling taking more clonazepam and going back to work. i cut 6 percent and recovered in about 3 weeks but, couldnt do it and work. too tired from seroquel and anxiety is still present somewhat. Im freaking out because I have 2 weeks left on my medical leave and its over. i am at 2 mg and it only last about 6 hours maybe. so i would have to go to 3 probably 4 since dose twice a day .  my family says to stop but my doctor says oh just take 3 or 4. so does another psysch i deal with over the phone. I see another doctor/psch and every other person or doc that I have vistied says your health comes first and to quit. i make good money in I.T. and been there 26 years or so.  Its hard to give it all up. it makes you want to do what you have to. I am in decent financial shape for a good while. Im Sorry, i didn't know who else to ask or tell. i guess im scared. i been there since 25 years old. Needing advice again. This is the end. I which i even knew how long it would work for anxiety cause I read anymore than what im at wont really help but, get adverse effects.  Please someone just put your thoughts and experiences in this thread..  i didnt know where to post this...

Hey avomcd,

I'm so sorry to hear your struggle.

 

I hated clonazepam cut-and-holds; even 6% would have me struggling to function for at least a week until I recovered. But 6%/14 day done as a daily micro taper is almost easy. Almost. The symptoms are VERY mild, just a general edginess and sensitivity to stress that I can manage; and when it's ever too much I can just hold and recover fully within a few days. I think it would be better to reduce at 3%/14 days DMT than to updose; that's just my opinion.

 

Unless you're planning a short life, I think it's a bad gamble to expect these drugs to work for you long-term. The major obstacle I see to a big updose being a viable solution for your future is tolerance; it's unavoidable and makes tapering even worse. I suspect you already know about tolerance and tolerance withdrawal, which is why I believe you're at 2mg/day when you started at 0.5mg/day.

https://www.benzoinfo.com/tolerance/

 

If you do updose, I strongly suggest planning to briefly stabilize and begin a high-functioning taper. These drugs are not cures for anxiety; in many cases they seem to cause more anxiety then they ever treated in the first place. You, me, many other buddies, we now have an addiction to a drug AND anxiety; thanks doc.

 

Long-term prescribed use (>2-4 weeks) can result in heightened anxiety, increased incidence of falls and accidents, persistent insomnia, impaired learning, higher rates of suicide, a greater risk of dementia, the development of new or worsening symptoms, and a reduction in efficacy of nonpharmacologic interventions for PTSD and Panic Disorder, impairing recovery from these conditions.

https://www.benzoinfo.com/benzodiazepines/

 

Slow reductions are better than nothing in my opinion, but even slow reductions may be extremely difficult without simultaneously learning skills to down-regulate the nervous system naturally; examples of skill-building practices are trauma-informed psychotherapy, breath-work, meditation, visualizations, etc. IME these skills take regular practice to work well but they do really work and can entirely replace the need for medications.

 

Your choice is precious; I honor your journey. I trust whatever you decide will be the next step for you to take. We're here to help any time you'd like to reduce. 

I totally empathise with your situation. I need to work and don't have a choice. There have been days that were brutal and I had no idea how I would get through it. But somehow I just keep going. If I had a choice I would quit my job and just focus on getting better. But that's just me.

 

Personally I would not updose to 3 or 4mg. Reducing that again could create much longer withdrawal. If you hit tolerance you set yourself up for a world of pain. You say you're in a decent financial position. Your health and future health is more important than a job, I think. There was someone who recently posted a story about what happened when she decided to stay on benzos and hit tolerance. It is horrific and I would hate to see anyone go through that.

 

You might want to try DMT as suggested and try a very slow taper. Ultimately I think you should try and quit no matter how long it takes. I know these kind of decisions aren't easy and you have to do what you think is best.

Hi - I am so sorry you are faced with such a hard choice.  I was, too, and then the universe made my job go away and the choice was easy. If that hadn’t happened, I would have had no choice but to taper while working full time in a very stressful position.  And I am trying to find my next job.  So I totally understand your dilemma, but I completely concur with Slow and Jelly.

 

I have reduced my dose of Clonazepam by about 50% and have had some rough times because I cut too much. When I go SLOW there are little to no WD symptoms. I now understand how I was being affected by the drugs while I was trying so hard to work and be a top performer.  I know now that I will have an easier time when I do return to work. And I am pretty confident that I can handle a good job while I am tapering from this reduced dose.  I just have to not be greedy and make my cuts small and slow.

 

I also know that if I hadn’t chosen to take this step to own my own health and well-being, I would not really be functional at all in a few years.  I was on 13 meds and they were making me a total zombie.  So, I do think I am in complete agreement with Slow that you’ll have to do this work regardless and probably very soon.  It is best, I think, to get stable and then to construct a long, slow taper plan on which you can be high functioning. 

 

I hope it helps to hear from someone who has been working at a high level of many years and believes that she will again, soon.  There is plenty help here on this great forum.  We will help you get through the rough spots!

 

Butterfly 🦋

Thanks everyone for your advice and sympathy. I feel you really care and will be there if I need. I appreciate the experience and knowledge you shared. God will get me through this and maybe I'll come out even stronger and happier. I feel he has spoken to me today.  Thanks slown steady you are always there with good advice along with a few other regulars.  Good things will come to you for helping people..

I'm glad you feel God spoke to you. It's very hard to make decisions when we're sick during withdrawal. I've felt it too. You know your loved ones and doctors don't really understand what you're going through or what the consequences of your decisions might be.

 

I've read and seen so many threads on here that are heartbreaking from people who continued benzos. Sometimes I feel it's just too difficult to continue this journey but I also know giving up is not an option. I have to get off these stupid pills. No matter what it takes or how long it takes. You are not alone. Keep reaching out.

Really sorry you are in this predicament. I’m in a similar one myself. I took six weeks vacation time and then an additional 90 days unpaid leave. I now have about two months left until I have to go back to work. Six weeks ago I was in such bad shape I was ready to throw it all in and accept I would be living in poverty, but at least I would fight to recover. It was rough and terrifying. Constant anxiety and troubling dark thoughts were my worse symptoms. I also have some physical symptoms that aren’t much fun. I didn’t want to quit my job so I fought hard for the time off. So glad I was able to swing it. I’m about to jump completely off meds tomorrow and we’ll see how September goes. If I were you, I’d lobby  for some additional time off. Even unpaid. Since you are in IT, can’t you work remotely? Don’t give up. You’ve put a lot of time in there but now you have to put some time into yourself. It can’t hurt to ask or try to find some creative solutions. I needed the breathing room and I was lucky to get it. I hope you can too. Since you have some money to back you up, I’d make the first priority your health.

I guess I am lucky - our company just sent notice yesterday that they would like us back in the office 2 days a week.  But my immediate supervisor is a germaphobe and is looking for me and herself to come in maybe once a month.  Which I can do.

I am doing well after at 1.0625 mg K a day and will cut to 1 mg K a day on Monday.  I will be 59 years old in 2 weeks and yes we (husband & I) are facing same decision: do I hold at a functional level until I am 60-61, then I leave current job to taper off while husband works, then we start our Social Security and part -time jobs at 62?

For you: Would getting off the Seroquel and using another sleep aid (I use melatonin sometimes, and a sleep time tea other times), help you feel better? 

I also highly highly say DON'T UPDOSE the K! 

And yes I read the story of the woman who took just .25 mgs K at bedtime for something like 25 years - she felt fine until she hit age 69 and now is stuck where she can't seem to do anything and her body is full of pain.  That's why I plan to be completely off this drug by age 61.  That's a hard 2 year deadline to taper off 1.0 mgs K.

If you could, can you work remotely and just show your face in the office a couple of times a month?  That's my plan.

unfortunately, there are too many jealous workers that wouldnt want me working remotely.  As a manager its hard to justify that too since your techs are at work. i am going to reach out to the big boss and see what we can do.

Good idea avocmd to talk to the big boss. Don’t throw it all away. Even three months might make the difference you need. Keep the faith and do what you gotta do. Good luck!