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8 month out with my first HORRIFIC WAVE HORRIFIC


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Good day,

 

I am wondering if anyone has experienced this.  I was on a Xan for 10 years.  I started getting horrible paradoxical symptoms and wanted off the poison.  In December 2019 I did a cross over from 1mg Xan to 15mg Val.  It went quite well.  I then started my taper.  For the first 1 1/2 month I went fast from 15mg to 11mg.  Still feeling pretty good just some residual symptoms.  Then I I started to slow down my taper and dropped 1mg every 3 weeks until I got to 5mg and dropped .5mg every 2-3 weeks until my last .5mg which was in December 2020.  All through this taper it was mostly good.  I was living my life.  Fast forward I’m 8 months off and 3 weeks ago I was hit with bad symptoms - which would come and go for several days.  The following week was okay.  I was able to leave the apartment and do things again.  This past weekend I was hit with horrific ACUTE horrific symptoms which are giving me intrusive thoughts, flu like symptoms, can’t sleep, internal vibrations, nausea, very weak and tired, very very over sensitive nervous system, fear of everything, can’t go outside, sensitive to cold, very sad, heart race is increasing and so much more.  WHAT IS GOING ON?  I DO NOT UNDERSTAND AT ALL.

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Hi Hope4Recovery :hug: Welcome to Benzobuddies

 

We're glad to have you here.  I am sorry this happened to you when you were doing so well,  its not unusual.  The waves are really awful but they do settle down.  Withdrawal can be up and down for quite a long while, it will turn around again, so hang in there.  You've come to a good place for support,  check out the forum and post questions we have a great community.

 

Check out The Ashton Manual, reading this will give you a better understanding on why you feel the way you do.  It is a great resource for understanding the effect benzo’s have on our body, It also includes a list of common symptoms 

 

Here are a couple of useful links:

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Post withdrawal recovery support.  this is a good place to start posting any questions you may have. 

 

If you would like to add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice.  Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile

 

Welcome aboard

Magrita

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Thank you for your reply.  Can Ask you is it possible that because I didn't do an exact Ashton crossover from 1mg Xanax to 20mg Valium and rather went to 15mg Valium that this could be the result of all of these horrific acute symptoms?  I mean I did that cross over in November/December 2019 and then the first month I went really quick from 15mg to 11mg.  My doing that was because I didn't have many symptoms and I thought wow, maybe my body wants to this poison out quick.  After those fast drops like I mentioned below, I did do a slow (according to Ashton) taper to .5mg when I finally jumped in December 12, 2020.  I am noticing that I am getting reprieve from the unrelenting symptoms.  They are not 24/7.  There are days when they are unrelenting where I cannot leave the apartment or bed becaues I am so sick.  For instance, yesterday during the day was an extremely horrific day where I wanted to die.  Those symptoms started to subside around 5pm.  I was able to fall asleep around 9:30pm and woke up at 6am.  No real looping thoughts.  It was nice.  Is it possible you can send me links to others that might have had a similar situation this far out with horrific symptoms.  That would be very helpful to see.  I'm also so glad that I am getting some relief.  Luckily, I'm working remotely still but that will be changing come October 4.  I will not worry much about that now.  Just gonna focus on healing.

 

Thank you for your help.

 

Regards,

Hope4recovery

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Hi Hope4recovery, welcome on board.

 

I would try not to analyze it too much. It's not written in stone how you should taper, it's generally advised to listen to your body i.e slow your taper if you are struggling. It sounds to me like you tapered just fine. This process is cruel, and non linear for most. Just when you think you've got it best, you get hit with a horrible wave. Trying to analyze it is futile, acceptance is a powerful tool and will help you heal.

 

Have you by any chance been under any stress lately? Stress can be a major factor for us in WD.

 

Just know it's just a wave and it's not forever, distraction along with acceptance will help

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Hello Hope,

Welcome and sending love your way!

Kachina :smitten:

 

Thank you.  What did you taper if you don't mind me asking?  Do you know how I would post my history to my profile signature?  It will only take a certain amount of characters.

 

Thank you.

 

 

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Hi Hope! You did paste your history to your signature, so you figured it out. It doesn't show when we are writing a reply though.

Can you see my signature? When I arrived here 11 months ago I started my taper from Ambien and took 9 months to do it. I also stopped Xanax that I took intermittently and tramadol.

 

Are there any other factors that could be contributing to your sudden symptoms? Such as a stressful situation or change in habits or lifestyle or other medicine or ?? I hope you feel better asap.

 

KB

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi there,

 

Sorry for the late response.  No, I did not take any kind of meds.  Do I have a stressful job, well YES.  I think but this is just me that this is par for the course from what I've been reading.  I'm a long time user of my benzo so, I think I have to just accept this no matter how dang hard it is that this is the healing process.  At least I am getting some okay days (not windows) but just okay days where I can at least sit in my own skin, work and then enjoy the little joys.  I hope that I will get a full window soon.  Praying for it. Thank you all.

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