Author Topic: Finally finally finally!  (Read 778 times)

[Buddie]

Finally finally finally!
« on: August 21, 2021, 04:58:07 am »
Over 4 years ago, I started my third try at tapering.   Five days ago, on August 15th, this year, I finished getting off a double benzo combo. 
I jumped off my 11-year Clonazepam taper last April 1st, after a grueling 3 years of making small cuts and long holds.   I remember feeling like I had just scaled Mt. Everest and there I was... looking at another mountain.

I couldn't even post here to celebrate, because I was still taking Oxazepam every night like I had done for 20 years.   

So here I am.  Benzo free.  Just starting my healing road free and clear.   

2 days ago, I climbed a real mountain.  It was like a pilgrimage of sorts for me.  Climbing that mountain was going to tell me how my heart and spirit were.  Well.... my heart and spirit were fine.... but my legs were rubber on the way down.   I overdid it, (but I had to).  I've been feeling so lost and invalid lately.  I just wanted to prevail and feel strong again.

The next night, after cooking for a small dinner party (my first in years), I had the roughest time I have maybe ever had in withdrawal symptoms.  I went to bed and I was vibrating and sweating....  I almost fell asleep, and came to - in an adrenalin panic.   My heart was palping, and I was so scared.  My ears were screaming and my mouth dry.  I felt out of my body, like I was in another dimension.... that strange energies were being channeled through me.  ( I know this is where many will label me nuts but I don't care).  I prayed and prayed for strength and got through the night by soothing myself doing my pressure points, and deep massage.   Scared as I was, I felt guided - like some intelligence was guiding my hands to the right spots.    I kept thinking about the Oxazepam I still have stored down in the bathroom... but somehow I made it through the night without caving.   It was my absolute worst wave, probably caused by the rich food and the inflammation in my leg muscles, as much as my jump.

So here I am two days later, and I had such a magnificent day.  I am dizzy still, and dissociative from that wicked night,  but I harvested my garlic, walked with my sweetheart on the beach, and shared a home-grown meal.  The sun shone and the dogs were silly.    Its like I can feel myself coming back from a nightmare.  I feel like I am retuning to myself and that I have a strength and a clarity and a purpose that I had forgotten about. 

I know I'm at the start of another healing journey...  I still have to ditch this small amount of gabapentin I am taking to bridge the jump.   Sleeping is my biggest issue.  Will it take months or years?

I am so grateful for the support and the information that benzobuddies has given and continues to give me.  I have learned so much from hearing other's journeys.  Stuff my doctors could never tell me.    Over and over I have been saved in my taper by coming on here and getting info and support and reassurance to keep on.    I'll be here for a while yet.   :smitten:
     
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Finally finally finally!
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2021, 05:18:37 am »
 :thumbsup:

Amazing journey. Well done x
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Finally finally finally!
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2021, 10:55:20 am »
Thank you for sharing, you are a very strong person!  Congratulations for getting through, Iím sure things will only get better from here!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Finally finally finally!
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2021, 05:41:13 pm »
Your news and your story brought tears to my eye [...], I was worried while reading about your horrific night but thrilled it led to clarity, this gives me much hope for this next phase of your recovery.

Please allow yourself some time before tackling the Gabapentin and get help from those on the forum who have walked off this drug before you.  I'm so happy you're benzo free, thank you for sharing this milestone with us.   :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Finally finally finally!
« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2021, 08:07:34 pm »
WOW! Way to [...]! Congratulations. Inspiring. I hope your life just keeps getting better from here.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Finally finally finally!
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2021, 06:17:40 pm »
Congratulations!!  You walked through the fire and have come out whole on the other side.  A truly inspiring story. [...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Finally finally finally!
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2021, 09:44:31 am »


Wow! Congratulations, [...]! What a great achievement!  Enjoy your freedom!  :smitten: :thumbsup:

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Finally finally finally!
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2021, 03:39:02 am »
Congratulations, good sir. That inspired me just reading it, and making it through the night with some in the house, you are a hero. I'm trying to jump of .5 clonazepam that I've taken on and off with alcohol for 15 years.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Finally finally finally!
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2021, 07:13:12 pm »
Congratulations on getting off your bemzos. Your insights and faith will continue to guide you.  Bravo!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Finally finally finally!
« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2021, 04:24:03 pm »
Keep it up! Please keep us updated too!
Thank you for sharing your story. 🙏🏼
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.