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I’m terrified I’ll relapse


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I’m hurting so bad I feel like just going back on and trying again.

 

What did I do wrong? Why am I suffering so bad after slow taper.

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You did nothing wrong . This is a brutal, unfair experience , you are just making it through the hard part .

I tapered 5 long years and still didnt know it was going to be anywhere near this hard . Go get in a warm shower and just lay in the bottom of the bath and let it rain on you for awhile . If you can walk , do that as well

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I’m hurting so bad I feel like just going back on and trying again.

 

What did I do wrong? Why am I suffering so bad after slow taper.

Oh Shayna, you did nothing wrong, healing is different for each one of us, no matter how we taper. Going back on may not help at all, and it is not worth trying when we know so little about the healing process post benzo's. I think sadly that some take longer than others to heal, don't know why, embrace the good times that you have had, and know that you have many that are pulling for you to have complete healing. 💖 Peace and Healing Always.💦
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[73...]

Thanku xx I just tipped my Valium down the toilet so it’s not in the house. There’s nothing here now. Xx

 

You made the right choice. But now don't sit there and just take the suffering. Try to experiment with different supplements. Try low doses of AD's even (I know you are really against them). I would rather sleep 4hr a day on Valerian and Melissa (for example), than sleep 0hr on nothing. I would rather try 3.75mg of Mirt, and sleep 4hr, than sleep zero hours on nothing.

 

BTW, something else I did:

 

1. Started meditating every single night, particularly breathing exercises. I would breathe for 2hr straight sometimes. I had a couple of times I breathed for 4hr straight. Didn't do anything the first week I tried it. But the 2nd week all of a sudden I'd realize I'd have fallen asleep for 2hr chunks, or even an 1hr chunk, so I'd go back to breathing (and taking a 2nd dose of something).

 

2. Completely stopped reading any negative posts, or comments. Completely stopped reading any negative studies. I focused on coming here and reading ONLY the success stories. I read as many as I could constantly, and would do it again the next day. You need to get the negative out of your mind. Reading the horror stories is too hard on us. You have to disengage for a few weeks.

 

Maybe these things sound too simplistic, or you have already done them? I don't know. But if you haven't tried them, at this point what do you have to lose?

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Shayna, zopiclone is banned in the US, so you know it's a nasty drug.  Don't go near that drug again.  No wonder you're still hurting.  You'll get better.
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I joined the doc talk today and the dr on there said she uses adaptogens for all her patients so I’m going to get in contact with my naturopath again.

 

I have a sleep tonic she gave me but it also has ziziphis and California poppy in it so not sure I should take that yet

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Shayna, zopiclone is banned in the US, so you know it's a nasty drug.  Don't go near that drug again.  No wonder you're still hurting.  You'll get better.

 

Thanks becks. I flushed my zop ages ago. I know my dr won’t prescribe any more because I asked her not to, so I got rid of what’s left in the house today. Xx

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Thanku xx I just tipped my Valium down the toilet so it’s not in the house. There’s nothing here now. Xx

 

Well done mate  :thumbsup:

 

Don't go back, maybe you can try some of the things that didn't work for you while you were tapering?

 

:hug: and zzz's for you!

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Thanks Casper x I really don’t want to take anything it’s ridiculous that I even have to, but yes I will xx I’ll try some things
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Yeah. But it’s just another thing to get off. I’ve wd from more meds than my signature says. X it’s been a long long journey
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Mate, I feel for you. Insomnia makes you feel like your living on another planet! I’d be reluctant to try more meds. I’m interested to see how you go with what the naturopath recommends RE: adaptogens. Please keep us in the loop. Wholelife Pharamacy & Healthfoods not sure if you have one of theses stores in GC but on the SC I’ve found the naturopaths working there are always helpful (pre-benzo) and they are free.
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If you wanna go natural you may try Valerian or add it in your combo. No less than 1g considering how hard is your insomnia.

 

Btw insomnia was the reason why I was put on benzo long time ago. I don't expect it will disappear just because I'm going to discontinue hypnotics. It's a little bit sad to say because I hate lack of sleep too, but I don't think that "just" suffering a lot is going to improve a preexisting condition.

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You didn't do anything wrong.  In my experience and from what I observed, many people still have a terrible WD experience even after a slow taper

 

I know I had my worst symptoms from month 3 to month 9 or 10 after I jumped CT

 

Symptoms and sleep seem to get worse before they get better for most?

 

Time will heal you; you'll get there...

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[73...]

Yeah. But it’s just another thing to get off. I’ve wd from more meds than my signature says. X it’s been a long long journey

 

From my own experience, particular with Mirt, I was able to essentially CT off it with the only side effect being some moderate headaches for the next 2-3 days. That was at 3.75mg.

 

From what I've been reading, most people are able to taper off higher doses with far far less WD than the benzo WD. I'd make that trade if it meant I was sleeping, instead of going night after night sleepless.

 

And with supplements, I'll repeat what I've said before: Don't just take one and give up on it if it doesn't work. I was taking up to 8 things at a time at my worst.

 

AND now that I am sleeping better (My Fitbit says I got 7h last night, with good deep sleep, but very low REM sleep), I tried supplements to see if they would make a difference to my sleep.

 

I tried all of these on their own:

 

1. Kava - 2 caps did not affect my sleep at all

2. Hops - Lowered sleep onset by about 10min

3. Theanine - 2 caps (600mg) did nothing at all

4. Lavender - 2 caps (160mg) did nothing at all

5. 3mg Time released Melatonin - Increased my deep and REM sleep by 30mins respectively, but I wake up groggy and stay groggy all day.

6. Magnesium - Increase deep and REM sleep by 15min respectively - No grogginess

7. Lithium Orotate - Lowers sleep onset by about 10min.

 

When I use them all together though, not only are my deep and REM sleep maxed out (at the high end of average), but I also fall asleep within 10min of going to bed, and I get an extra 1hr to 2hr sleep.

 

And I haven't even tried the stronger things yet. I haven't tried to see how Mirt affects my sleep, or Cannabis, or Valerian.

 

But when I couldn't sleep, I was swallowing all the stuff above, AND Valerian, AND Passionflower, AND Melissa/Lemon Balm, etc etc etc, and I would STILL only get 4hr sleep (but 4hr was better than 0hr), and I healed.

 

So don't be afraid to stack up on the supps, and try a stack.

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Mate, I feel for you. Insomnia makes you feel like your living on another planet! I’d be reluctant to try more meds. I’m interested to see how you go with what the naturopath recommends RE: adaptogens. Please keep us in the loop. Wholelife Pharamacy & Healthfoods not sure if you have one of theses stores in GC but on the SC I’ve found the naturopaths working there are always helpful (pre-benzo) and they are free.

 

Thanks honey xx yeah we have flannerys here and that’s actually where I met my naturopath. I’m going to get an adrenal support blend like I did before x it’s really calming. Definitely need to try something xx

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If you wanna go natural you may try Valerian or add it in your combo. No less than 1g considering how hard is your insomnia.

 

Btw insomnia was the reason why I was put on benzo long time ago. I don't expect it will disappear just because I'm going to discontinue hypnotics. It's a little bit sad to say because I hate lack of sleep too, but I don't think that "just" suffering a lot is going to improve a preexisting condition.

 

Yes q I’m going to try valerian again, I have some Mexican valerian somewhere so I’ll try that. My insomnia pre benzo was nothing like this. I’d have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep but a lot of nights I slept 7 hrs. So some insomnia yes is expected but not total x I would be happy to be at 3 hrs a night at this stage.

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You didn't do anything wrong.  In my experience and from what I observed, many people still have a terrible WD experience even after a slow taper

 

I know I had my worst symptoms from month 3 to month 9 or 10 after I jumped CT

 

Symptoms and sleep seem to get worse before they get better for most?

 

Time will heal you; you'll get there...

 

Thanks theway. It’s just horrendous. I slept last night after my combo and today I feel completely normal. Except the creeping feeling I know there’s more in store. X

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Yeah. But it’s just another thing to get off. I’ve wd from more meds than my signature says. X it’s been a long long journey

 

From my own experience, particular with Mirt, I was able to essentially CT off it with the only side effect being some moderate headaches for the next 2-3 days. That was at 3.75mg.

 

From what I've been reading, most people are able to taper off higher doses with far far less WD than the benzo WD. I'd make that trade if it meant I was sleeping, instead of going night after night sleepless.

 

And with supplements, I'll repeat what I've said before: Don't just take one and give up on it if it doesn't work. I was taking up to 8 things at a time at my worst.

 

AND now that I am sleeping better (My Fitbit says I got 7h last night, with good deep sleep, but very low REM sleep), I tried supplements to see if they would make a difference to my sleep.

 

I tried all of these on their own:

 

1. Kava - 2 caps did not affect my sleep at all

2. Hops - Lowered sleep onset by about 10min

3. Theanine - 2 caps (600mg) did nothing at all

4. Lavender - 2 caps (160mg) did nothing at all

5. 3mg Time released Melatonin - Increased my deep and REM sleep by 30mins respectively, but I wake up groggy and stay groggy all day.

6. Magnesium - Increase deep and REM sleep by 15min respectively - No grogginess

7. Lithium Orotate - Lowers sleep onset by about 10min.

 

When I use them all together though, not only are my deep and REM sleep maxed out (at the high end of average), but I also fall asleep within 10min of going to bed, and I get an extra 1hr to 2hr sleep.

 

And I haven't even tried the stronger things yet. I haven't tried to see how Mirt affects my sleep, or Cannabis, or Valerian.

 

But when I couldn't sleep, I was swallowing all the stuff above, AND Valerian, AND Passionflower, AND Melissa/Lemon Balm, etc etc etc, and I would STILL only get 4hr sleep (but 4hr was better than 0hr), and I healed.

 

So don't be afraid to stack up on the supps, and try a stack.

 

Hey andros. Yeah I have a script for mirt but would rather try natural first. I’ve read the mirt thread and lots of people on their had and awful time trying to get off so I’m not keen to go down that road if I can help it.

 

How much lemon balm did u take? And what kind of magnesium is best? I’m trying valerian tonight

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I'm glad you got some sleep last night, Shayna and you fee, Normal today. Last night, I got about 4 hours which for me, is excellent. Maybe it was my trip to the gym. Im going back today, so we'll see.

Congrats, again. Glad you flushed the valium.

 

HM

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I'm glad you got some sleep last night, Shayna and you fee, Normal today. Last night, I got about 4 hours which for me, is excellent. Maybe it was my trip to the gym. Im going back today, so we'll see.

Congrats, again. Glad you flushed the valium.

 

HM

 

Wow that is great news x I’m going to gym too today. Sounds like the extra work out might be the thing u need x I hope it is!!! X

 

Yeah I needed a break for sure. I was so flat yesterday and just felt hopeless. Just wish the pattern would break

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