I think I can post this now

Hi,

 

I've been wondering (for a while now) whether I should post my final post to this forum, my success story.  It was during my worst times the success stories were the best thing for me and the thing that kept me going.  I would log on just to read and re-read the success stories and just wish that one day I would be posting here.  I can clearly remember reading the stories and trying to relax with the 4-7-8 breathing method.  4 Seconds in, hold for 7 seconds, breathe out for 8 seconds.  Over and over and over again.  Oh man, the emotion I am feeling right now is tangible.

 

So briefly this is my story of how I got here.

 

I was prescribed 2mg of K to sleep (pre 2015), which I took daily for about 2 years and loved it because it helped me sleep.  Little did I know what the consequences of taking this pill would be.  In 2017 I decided it was time to stop being dependent on pills for sleep.  I tried to stop cold turkey and got the fright of my life!  Terrible idea.  So then I googled how to get off K and found this wonderful forum.  So I did a rapid taper of 6 weeks (also not great because so fast but better than before) and jumped in late December 2017.  For about 5 days I was 'ok' and then it hit me and I was in a terrible way.  It was just awful and I visited dark places in my mind.  When they say 'ideations', that is no joke.. it is real and it is awful!

 

I can't say I remember it all, but I do remember just lying in my bed just too terrified to do anything.  On top of it I had to work and luckily somehow I didn't get fired during that time.  The next thing that happened was my wife (who I adored and was my very best friend) had an affair and my marriage fell apart.... but that is another story altogether.  I don't know if my symptoms from withdrawal were to blame or not, I guess I never will know.  But her choices are her own and I don't take ownership of her actions.

 

The very worst withdrawal symptom was that I acquired a terrible fear of driving on a highway.  The panic attacks were terrifying!  for a very long time I couldn't even be a passenger in a car on the highway.  I couldn't drive on the highway, it was just awful.  I kept posting to this forum asking for how long it takes to be able to drive again.  Turns out that answer depends on whether you are getting any good sleep.

 

My sleep started to get a little better and with that my ability to drive on the highway slowly started to come back.

 

In July this year I took 3 of my kids and we flew to Las Vegas and rented a car and drove this route : Las Vegas -> Death Valley -> Mammoth Lakes -> Yosemite -> San Fransisco -> Route 1 to L.A -> Back to Las Vegas (it was fantastic!).  It is this trip that made me realize that I am cured now.

 

I am also sleeping really well now, well that is relative, I am sleeping as well as I used to sleep before I started on K... I wake up a twice a night and struggle a little to fall back asleep, but it is great sleep and I wake up rested.  I found that having my room cold and listening to audiobooks of Sherlock Holmes stories really switches my brain off and allows me to drift off.  Also when I go to bed at night I don't get stressed about whether I will be getting any sleep.

 

I did have the ringing in my ears, and sometimes it was loud but it never really bothered me too much.  I just stopped now to listen to see if I still had it, and I do but really softly and I hardly notice it at all.

 

I have noticed that the better I started to feel, the less I was on this site.. so if that is happening to you, that is a great sign!

 

Right now I love my life, it is quiet and calm and I have my 4 kids around me most of the time. 

 

I want to let everyone know, who is going through withdrawal right now, that it will end and you will be better.

 

Very encouraging, thanks for taking the time to write this for us still in the trenches.

 

 

thisIstMe,

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  You know just how much these good tidings of success mean to fellow Buddies. Your trip sounds amazing and is a testament to the healing that is possible. 

 

Wishing you well and continued safe and memorable travels in the days and years ahead!

 

sunshine75

Good for you!!! So glad you are feeling better. Thank you very much for sharing. It means a lot and gives us hope.

Thanks for this! I'm so happy for you, your summer excursion sounds pretty amazing and what wonderful sights you must have seen.  It's wonderful to be able to do these things again, isn't it. Enjoy your life, enjoy your wellness.

 

pianogirl 

Thanks for sharing your success story! I am 3.5 months into my taper and I feel like my symptoms will never end. It's good to hear that it does get better! Thanks, again:)

 

HM

Thank you for sharing.  Best wishes for you and your family. 

Congratulations!  So happy for you that you have your life back!  Thanks s much for taking the time to post an update on your healing.  Best wishes!

thank you for taking the time to post this.

 

that trip sounds awesome, esp being with your kids.

 

glad you made it through for them and yourself.