Fragmented Thoughts and Trouble Processing Emotions and DP/DR

I have severe DP/DR - I cant feel my body and I think I actually have dissociated from the entire experience. I feel some bits of pain here and there but it worries me because I can't feel enough to know what the heck is actually going on.

 

I can speak ok but I can't put my thoughts together at times and it is hard for me to get my point across. It's like im "Slow" to understand what is going on in my emotional process and thought process internally. I cant feel my emotions correctly either. Like its all happening under some veil. I am so afraid this is going to stick around a very long time because it is so severe. I also can't connect to rationalizing and seeing "the other persons point of view". Like my prefrontal cortex isn't working correctly. I think this has something to do with trauma. I am a completely different person and this started as soon as I made too big of a cut. I could never get back to normal. Benzo's were something I needed a VERY low dose of and I was having a paradoxical response to them but got addicted to .5 my K. My normal PRN dose was .125 and it would usually knock me out... Here I am rambling on. This is what I mean, I have no stable thought process. It's beyond annoying. It's like reading a sentence and only getting half of the words and trying to figure out what the whole sentence actually says. Not sure if that makes sense.

 

I am truly worried I will never come out of this. It got worse after an injection for "ptsd". I was in a horrible state and had this injection done thinking it would help and it made me 10000000x worse. I could feel my body before it and I had normal Benzo dp/dr. There is zero way of knowing because this has never happened to anyone. It's not permanent but I feel the damage may be. I had 2 thought processes going on in my internal thoughts after it happened. Akithesia, SEVERE panic and anxiety, couldn't walk, barely talk, breathe, eat. I can do all of those things 3 months later but the brain is STRUGGLING. Please, anyone tell me I might be whole again. I was such an awesome empathic clever person before benzos. I also only took them for 3 weeks and spent 7 trying to come off of them incorrectly and way too fast. I jumped at 2 mg valium. I just didn't know and I went to a detox place.

 

Oh... and I have Lyme disease come to find out. 

 

Hello,

 

My jump date was at the end of April. I am struggling with dpdr, akithesia, and apathy still. It is so scary and makes me sad. I have started with a lot of physical stuff as well. It is hard but I haft to tell myself we heal.

Hey there.  It IS going to get better...maybe not right now, maybe not in a few months but it will.  Once I accepted this process is going to take a while, versus days or weeks but more by months it got easier.i think your in the beginning stages of the worst part of it so the good part is your headed in the right direction.its like everything is terrible at first then very slowly gets better.  Every bad thing your experiencing is actually you healing.  I had the dp dr and cognitive issues its not un common.  This whole experience is especially scary for those of us that literally know nothing about this or what we are getting ourselves into...anyway yes it does get better but you have to push through.  Each day and night is a success even if it doesn't seem like it.  Im not going to over analyze and pin point every thing you mentioned but yes its normal yes you will get better and the quicker you start thinking g that way and pushing through versus going down hill over analyzing your symptoms the quicker this will be.  The dissociation is probably one of the things that is hardest now for me to accept that I had to endure that because your literally functioning in life but not even as yourself. I felt like I was a tiny human being that lived somewhere in my brain and looked through a microscope at the outside world