Felt like I was having a heart attack but knew it was an anxiety attack

I had a terrible night. I knew I was having an anxiety attack but it was so bad I began to think I was having a heart attack.

For the past few months I have not felt normal. Going through the motions of my days and no one knowing I am in a state of constant panic. Insomnia (3-5 hours of sleep a night)

Last night it peaked with rapid heart rate (my watch was showing me the numbers which would not come down with breathing exercises), felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest, was short of breath, irregular hear rate, chest pain, upper back pain.

After an hour I took 40 mg of Propanol and 300 mg gabapentin.

Those must have worked because I fell asleep and woke up with a lower heart rate and feeling drugged.

The Dr situation where I live has been terrible because my Dr left and the new one could not see me until next week.

I have been waiting several months  for this ‘ new’ patient appointment.

I went to urgent care a few weeks ago and was given gabapentin and a referral to mental heath.

I have taken the gabapentin a few times only because I am scared of it.

The mental heath person called me and did an intake- sent the results to a psychiatrist who I was told sent recommendations to the new Dr who I have not seen and have not heard from.

I am going to call this morning to see if I can get in today and if not go back to urgent care.

What I want  from the Dr is to get some help with the unrelenting anxiety and insomnia . Also to see if my heart is ok.

Anxiety is an illness that I have sought relief for all my life and Drs call that drug seeking. When I was a teenager I was hospitalized for an ulcer and put on Librium. The ulcer  was anxiety related and the old Dr then asked me if my home life was ok.

When I was in my 40’s I was given Klonopin which helped me so much. But penalty was high. I did get off for 5 years.

What I have done since last year is take K when I am at the end of being able to stand the anxiety. Last night I choose different meds.

I have a supply of K and V left over from my last taper. I do not want to take them but I keep them around for extreme anxiety. They scare me but I know there is relief so even having them without taking comforts me.

What I am thinking is my life long anxiety has not been treated correctly- covered it up with benzos and when I am off them I am a mess.

I am rambling but writing this is therapeutic .

I will write again after I see the Dr or go to urgent care. I am afraid I willl die when my heart acts up for hours.

I am so sorry for your predicament. I can fully understand where you are since our paths have a common thread.

It angers me greatly that those with anxiety have to try and navigate the dysfunctional world of mental health care in this country. I hope your situation with the doctor resolves, and you find relief. 🙏