HOW DO I SWITCH BACK TO ATIVAN FROM THE VALIUM

I need off the Valium

It is making me very sick

I can’t eat the things I could eat a few weeks ago

 

Can someone walk me through getting back to mostly Ativan

Or even how to move over to Clonazepam

 

Please. I can’t keep throwing up everyday from the histamine reactions

 

Winnie

I’m so sorry to hear you are so unwell from the Valium. I was sooo sick trying to c/o to Valium from Ativan. I stayed on the Ativan and held the dose then did a quick taper under Dr. supervision. I just wanted off it because I was so sick. I decided to just taper the Valium and not change the Ativan so my body could deal with one drug at a time.

I’m now too scared to try any other drug and decided to just deal with the drug I know even though my taper is brutal, I feel less nauseous and slowly my appetite is returning.

 

I really hope if you decide to taper Valium that you improve as you reduce your dose.

 

Sorry I don’t have more useful advice but just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and even though I’m still suffering I’m glad I’m off Valium.

Hi WinnieDog,

3.6 mg of diazepam Ashton suggests is equivalent to 0.36mg of lorazepam. I suspect you could start reducing your diazepam dose by whatever unit is easy, maybe 1mg, and add back 0.1mg of lorazepam, then a week later reduce the diazepam by another 1mg and add back 0.1mg of lorazepam, etc, until you're at whatever balance you want to maintain.

 

My suggestion of doing this step-wise with one-week holds is that the half-life of the previous diazepam doses is going to be there during the transition, while the new lorazepam is going to be pushing your total serum benzo levels higher on the day to day than what you were on before. Then as you hold your new ratio, the diazepam will wear off and you'll probably feel worse as you settle to a lower total serum benzo level that is more based on the lorazepam.

 

These are just my ideas and suggestions. I know your medical situation is complex.

I hope that this helps! 

 

P.S. Aussiegalrecovery, I'm sorry that your doctor did what I think you meant to call a quick crossover to diazepam; this is not playing to the strengths of these medicines. Diazepam takes weeks to build up a potency based on what's referenced in equivalency charts because it has a crazy long half-life, and so the doses need to layer over each other for a week or longer.

 

I think a quick crossover can feel like going cold-turkey for many taperers, and then slowly, the diazepam will start to mitigate the damage. Time on diazepam will often alleviate quick crossover symptoms, but sometimes it's a very long time; tapering further while unstable from a quick crossover can further complicate things, to my understanding. I may have misunderstood your post, since you said "quick taper", but I just wanted to share my perspective on how and why a quick crossover to a low-potency long half-life drug like diazepam can be disastrous. I hope you continue to feel better! 

Thank you both!!

 

I’ll keep all this in mind, as I weigh my decision.

 

I was a lot better when I was only on 2.8 V

 

I’m trying to sort out what is doing what.

 

I have histamine issues and also POTS.

 

They have me taking 5-10 gr of salt a day (a lot)

And I find those are giving me headaches.

 

But after eating salmon, potato’s and carrots last night,

I was immediately sent into the worst headache you can imagine

Screaming at the top of my lungs.

It subsided 30 min later, but then felt like throwing up for hours,

and lots of bathroom visits (definitely a sign of too much histamine,

But also could be wd symptoms)

But I was fine before I ate, that’s what leads me to the histamine reaction

I’d also had some things higher in histamine earlier in the day, though

I’ve been able to eat those things fine before

 

I got DAO supplements, and had used them, but I guess it was too much.

 

Thanks again

Winnie

Winnee,

I'm sorry, that sounds really difficult!

 

I suspect you've seen this, but if not, I really recommend this thread.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=254737.0

 

It sounds like you may have some gut issues, histamine issues, or both. I have both, and I'm tapering clonazepam for this reason. In the US clonazepam actually comes in smaller tablets than lorazepam, so dry tapering is easier. It can also be compounded similarly to lorazepam, so your compounding pharmacy can probably make you a liquid very easily.

 

Just got back my Genova GI Effects comprehensive stool analysis; 10/10 for gut dysbiosis (high score for the "bad" bacteria). I actually eat an odd and extremely restrictive diet after literally a whole lifetime of gut problems, so the dysbiosis is interesting. I'm already grain-free, sugar-free, gluten-free, organic, etc... I'm currently trialing betain HCL as sort of a toe-in-the-water for digestive support; I can be very VERY sensitive to gut supplements. Probiotics may come later.

 

Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I can relate. I had histamine issues peak last winter, and that probably why I had the cluster headaches that got me prescribed clonazepam!

 

Would you consider a crossover to clonazepam instead of going back to lorazepam?

 

Edit: Typo

Hey there,

Just wanted to clarify that my doc tried to transition me slowly to Valium. We started just introducing 2.5mg and kept my Ativan dose the same, I didn’t feel well from the start  but thought it was just an adjustment thing so we upped the Valium to 5mg within a couple of days and still held the Ativan dose. I was on Valium approx 2 months before reducing Ativan. I was sick the whole time and since the introduction of Valium. I tried to stablise after the Ativan reduction for 1+ month and continued to feel sick. So I tapered 5mg, 0.5 -1mg weekly. Valium did not agree with me. I’ve never been the same since. I was semi functional before the Valium and now I’m not. Some people don’t do well on Valium.

I wish I could find a way to stabilise. I waited 11weeks after my Valium taper to see if I would stablise and I continued to feel worse so I started DMT of Ativan. I’m still housebound. Panic, agoraphobia, anxiety, body movements. My muscles aren’t as sore and I’m not as nauseous but it’s taken a while to see these two improvements.

 

Sorry to take over your thread. Sounds like you already have a plan which is great. You always need a plan!

 

I’m happy to receive advice too.

Thanks Slow n Steady:

 

Yes I did see that thread, I also saw many more before that and frankly I was so mad at the repeated requests for a proper medical journal and the likes etc. that I didn't want to get involved.

 

There is a proper medical reference https://www.histaminintoleranz.ch/en/therapy_medicaments.html#dao here.

If you click on Diazepam the following comes up https://www.histaminintoleranz.ch/en/therapy_medicaments.html#qf

 

But it's literally in German.

 

My POTS specialist trained under Dr. Afrin in the States, who is the expert on MCAS and histamine issues, so I'm going to ask her.

Ironically, she is also Swiss German and did a stint in psychiatry and used to help people get off benzos.

She says for sure that withdrawal can cause POTS and she's seen it cause MCAS and histamine issues too, but that the MCAS and histamine issues are anecdotal and there are no scientific papers on it - doesn't mean it's not true.

She has 3 other patients like me at the moment - and this is one of the few top POTS drs in Canada.

 

Yes, I know I have gut dysbiosis for sure. All of these troubles started for me after 2 rounds of antibiotics (Amoxicillan and Azithryomycin).

 

Anyway, ancient history, I do believe I'm getting cluster headaches.

I can't go grain free, as I hardly weigh anything at the moment, so I need some.

I've tried every diet, mainly I'm always low histamine, but that has now led to salycilate and oxalate issues I believe, oh and sulphites, and oral allergies etc.

It's all so complex that I don't know if I can keep it all up while trying to get off.

I can't eat any sugar, that happened after the antibiotics - crazy weird.

 

I have DAO supplements, I also use pancreatic enzymes before I eat too.

But I do fear I have malabsorption issues (I have all the signs)

I can't take any B vitamins.

Ascorbic acid and even Potassium liberate histamine - so does stress, exercise, massage etc.

 

I do take good probiotics. I got the ProBiota Histaminx - these were great.

Now, I've moved onto GutPro (or Smidge) they are similar and are supposed to be great.

 

I do need to do my Genome and gut dybiosis test - I went to a functional medicine guy - he looked at my blood under a microscope and said I had SIFO (fungal overgrowth) and mold. Then he proceeded to tell me I needed to be on xanax and Paxil.

Obviously, I ran as fast as I could from him. He also told me I had POTS and histamine issues - both of which I already knew. He was like a used car salesman, hated him.

 

Anyway, I was cruising along fine until my colonoscopy, now I'm in the throws of withdrawal and I get a headache everytime I eat (oh yeah, histamine releases just by the act of digestion).

 

I know a lot, but don't know how to fix myself.

I can't do a KETO diet, as I react to most oils  - just brutal.

 

I sure hope I can recover from this and get back to my awesome job.

 

I would be willing to switch to Clonazepam  - I'm almost at 0.2 mg Ativan and 3.6 V, so that's almost 0.25 mg Clonazepam.

 

The smallest pill size in Canada is 0.50 mg, although Healing64 told me it was 0.25 mg, no pharmacy near me has it.

I would have to do liquid again, either with whole milk, or with PG (hey guess what PG liberates histamine too).

 

Hope you're doing well.

 

Thanks again,

Winnie

 

 

Hey there,

Just wanted to clarify that my doc tried to transition me slowly to Valium. We started just introducing 2.5mg and kept my Ativan dose the same, I didn’t feel well from the start  but thought it was just an adjustment thing so we upped the Valium to 5mg within a couple of days and still held the Ativan dose. I was on Valium approx 2 months before reducing Ativan. I was sick the whole time and since the introduction of Valium. I tried to stablise after the Ativan reduction for 1+ month and continued to feel sick. So I tapered 5mg, 0.5 -1mg weekly. Valium did not agree with me. I’ve never been the same since. I was semi functional before the Valium and now I’m not. Some people don’t do well on Valium.

I wish I could find a way to stabilise. I waited 11weeks after my Valium taper to see if I would stablise and I continued to feel worse so I started DMT of Ativan. I’m still housebound. Panic, agoraphobia, anxiety, body movements. My muscles aren’t as sore and I’m not as nauseous but it’s taken a while to see these two improvements.

 

Sorry to take over your thread. Sounds like you already have a plan which is great. You always need a plan!

 

I’m happy to receive advice too.

 

Thanks for clarifying your crossover journey Aussiegalrecovery, I'm sorry to hear how unwell you've felt after you started taking diazepam. I don't understand why some doctors do a "crossover" without substituting the original benzo; in my mind this would just causes many many problems. A true crossover requires a substitution of the original benzo at each stage of the crossover; it's a gamble guessing the right equivalency, but I think this one-for-the-other action is very important and otherwise it's not a crossover.

 

From what I understand, your doctor just added more benzos to your diet, which might eliminate interdose withdrawal, but doesn't make the lorazepam any easier to taper. Furthermore there was not a substitution-based trial of the diazepam. Taking more total benzos can sometimes make people feel much better or much worse, without being a valid indicator of if the new benzo is a good fit for the patient. You may have just been on too much medicine in general; there is literally no way to know what the diazepam was causing by the way you were poly-medicated.

 

To my understanding, the purpose of a gradual step-wise crossover to diazepam is for two reasons: 1) to allow the diazepam time to get to work, minimizing the drops in blood serum benzo levels that happen when removing the short-acting benzo and waiting for diazepam doses to layer and build potency and 2) to give the patient a chance to stabilize part way across the crossover, and sense for how they're tolerating the new medicine. If the crossover is in any way rushed, especially if stabilization isn't established mid-crossover, especially at the early stages, how can the taperer know if their body will tolerate the new medication? One quarter or half way through a crossover is, to my mind, a much safer place to turn back, especially if the original benzo was better tolerated than the new one.

 

I personally have never crossed over to diazepam, for reasons I shared in the thread linked previously; basically gut issues and dis-incarnate voices. But I have heard so many stories of doctor-led crossovers that just don't make sense to me. I write this hoping that someone thinking of crossing over with a doctor who isn't actually going to do it in a way that has been proven to work (Ashton Manual!) will self-advocate and avoid the pain of being over-dosed or rushed.

 

I'm sorry to be harping on about what seems "wrong" about your crossover Aussiegalrecovery; it sounds like you were the victim of some common medical mistakes that we have to live through (like the common mistake of benzos). I understand you tapered off the diazepam and are now tapering the lorazepam. I'm glad you're noticing some improvements on your DMT.

 

I'll be praying for you! Start your own thread if you want a more direct response to where you are now.

 

Edit: Typo

Hi Winnie. I know you've had digestion and food intolerance issues. I have some histamine issues, but not as bad as others on here. I manage it somewhat. I like slownsteady's suggestion. Kinda like a reverse crossover where you are switching back to Ativan from Valium. I hope you can find a solution. Feeling sick from eating isn't fun. And you aren't alone with the Valium. Sorry I'm not much help, looks like you tried everything. I'd trust slownsteady's suggestion, as slownsteady has given consistently well thought out advice, and been very helpful.

Thank Lottie

 

Appreciate it!

 

It only got bad at my 4th crossover, before that I was fine and doing better.

 

I hope you are doing the best you can, I'm trying to stay off as much as possible.

My oldest is off to university in a few weeks, so I have a lot to help her get ready.

Honestly, kids these days have no idea how much stuff they will need.

They think if she's got her Macbook and Ipad and Iphone she's good.

 

So my really crappy brain, is trying to madly get her organized and then have to go get all the items.

It's pretty hard, when we still have some restrictions here.

 

I knew the risks with the valium, but it helped at the lower doses - I went ahead.

I'm a little worried about switching back and what that would do to my poor brain.

So I may just have to taper the ativan and then tackle the Valium

I will have to alter my eating as well.

totally sucks, as not many people believe that this can happen, but it did to me.

 

I do hope you're doing as best you can, I know that you were struggling too.

I had to resort to some H1 and H2 blockers (Blexten and Rantidine) although I hate taking them, as they block DAO too.

But with it being summer and allergies are crazy right now, I guess I'll have to keep it up for a bit.

 

Take care,

Winnie

 

 

 

Thanks for your kind words BenzoLottie.  I'm really glad you shared your person experiences on this thread; I'm speculating more than I'd like to be.

 

Hey Winnie,

Thank you for sharing more. Your POTS doctor sounds really supportive. I had something like POTS for about two months during and after my THC overdose; fainting, rapid heart beat whenever I was standing/moving, etc. The SIFO FMD story was so sad, and also hilarious; RUN! I know it can take more than a few doctors visits to get one or two in our corner, but in my experience it's been totally worth it. I'm really glad you have the POTS doctor for support.

 

I understand that your very gradual V crossover seemed at first an improvement in symptoms. I'm wondering if these were interdose withdrawal symptoms; that's the first thing I think of improving when going from a short-acting benzo to diazepam. It makes sense to me that histamine issues might come on later. In my various gut adventures I have found that I often have a month or so leniency period when I start doing something that's throwing off my gut; it's often been enough time to make the new food or other issue a habit, and only then do I get symptoms. 

 

It doesn't look like you ever finished the crossover. Was this because of the digestive issues?

 

I'm worried that if diazepam has been exacerbating your histamine problems, there may not be a work-around. Digestion is so SO important; gut-brain axis and all that. I hear you've tried all the diets, but you haven't tried mine. I don't advocate it, because it takes a very desperate person to try it; even though I've been eating this way for over a decade, it defies modern "germ" theory. But I can say I am able to minimize my histamine issues when I eat this way. I tried a more modern diet when I was back from the hospital last summer, and after two months I developed the cluster headaches which got worse and worse until the K script and a return to my previous diet.

 

I am also a bit of a "simplifier". I don't like the idea of two benzos, DAO supplements, etc etc. I take the minimum supplements myself, so I'm just clarifying where I'm coming from and why getting off the diazepam seems an important next step for you from my vantage.

 

I would be willing to switch to Clonazepam  - I'm almost at 0.2 mg Ativan and 3.6 V, so that's almost 0.25 mg Clonazepam.

 

The smallest pill size in Canada is 0.50 mg, although Healing64 told me it was 0.25 mg, no pharmacy near me has it.

I would have to do liquid again, either with whole milk, or with PG (hey guess what PG liberates histamine too).

 

Ashton equivalents suggests 0.28mg of clonazepam to replace both your lorazepam and diazepam, as posted. I remember you couldn't tolerate an ethanol and water liquid clonazepam. I still think this might be an option for you if the daily ethanol content was very small and used with parts of tablets (I've found 0.5mgs flat-round tablets can be cut reliably to 0.125mg pieces with an aluminum splitter). But a couple other options come to mind; there is dry filing the tablets, a tablet suspension in Ora-Plus or similar, or a pharmacy compounded suspension. Dry filing stands out as simple and generally well-tolerated.

 

I intend to do some experiments aimed at creating an at-home suspension of clonazepam tablets in water and psyllium powder... no promises. 

 

These are just my ideas; I understand your situation is so complex, and you're the expert. I hope my reflections are of some use, and if you'd like help plotting a course onto clonazepam and then off it, I'd be more than happy to help.

Thanks SS

 

I'd be interested in your diet, as my issues started after the antibiotics.

I only took Ativan one day 1.5 mg to bring down my HR that went to 160 after I ate something, but I had been on Zopiclone for 3 weeks, so maybe it was that.

 

Anyway, it seems that blood sugar issues come with histamine issues and POTS issues as well, so I do need to figure out that.

 

I can go hypoglycemic very easily, which can be mistaken for wd symptoms.

 

I don't seem to be okay olive oil or coconut oil, so I'm not sure what fats to use that are good.

I can use canola oil, but its derived from corn and I don't know how good that is.

 

I hear you, and agree that the gut is the key!

I think having a good gut and all the correct vitamins and minerals from your diet are key to getting off.

I just don't know how to fix it??

 

I don't seem to be having the yeast problem so much anymore, but I don't think I have the right bacteria either.

 

Would moving over to Clonazepam be bad for my brain, will it confuse it even more?

I feel so impaired in my thinking, which was previously excellent.

 

I never finished the crossover from the ativan because of the worsening food issues and strange headaches that I would get after eating items, I previously could handle.

Also, the Ativan wd would be so bad and hurt so much, screaming in pain from the headaches.

 

I hate the Valium, it is also wreaking havoc not only on my digestion, but is very constipating etc.

 

Anyway, so much to think about over the next few weeks until I talk to my wd Dr again.

 

For the meantime I'm dropping 0.002 mg of the Ativan per day.

I realized I'm in pain whether or not I drop at all or hold, so slowly have to get off.

 

As an aside. I did try a compounded Ativan with the tiniest amount of alcohol - i literally only took 10 drops.

Instant headache, so that's a no go.

I'd be willing to do the PG again, it does liberate histamine, but I've been able to handle it.

I'd also be willing to do whole milk (as long as it's lactose free), although I know that dairy isn't the best for inflammation.

 

I think a mix of pills and liquid might be the way to go!

 

Now I have 3 forms of headaches.

1) Tension "headband" type headache that have been with me ever since I was given 5 mg of Versed at my colonoscopy

2) These brain swelling feeling headaches, where the back of my head hurts so much that it feels like it is swelling, can include the front sometimes too.

3) These brain claw type of headaches that happen after I've eaten something. It's like someone has taken hold of my brain from the top and holds on tight for hours. Sometimes this is accompanied by screaming at the top of my lungs because the pain is so bad, and tears just stream down my face from the pain.

 

For the last year, I've also noticed that my brain doesn't appear to work normally for the entire time of digestion (approx 3 hrs.) then it's as if something lets up and its clear again. I feel best when I don't eat. However, that's not an option because obviously we need to eat and I don't weigh very much for my height etc.

 

Anyway, these stupid drugs have just messed everything up for me.

Prior to the colonoscopy, I was working, it was hard, as I'd have to stop working for 3 hrs after I ate, but I was working and could think fine.

 

I like your story about how a month later you notice issue with your gut, that sort of corresponds with how long I've been at the higher dose of Valium and stopped the crossover.

 

I think that I can improve the gut, just don't know how to start any protocols, as I seem to have issue with so many herbs and I frankly don't want to try any more supplements.

 

Thanks for all you help and support.

 

I should have listened to my gut (pun intended) and not moved over to the Valium.

 

Cheers

Winnie

Hey Winnie, Canola oil isn't corn based. It is from a cultivar of the rapeseed plant in the Brassicaceae family. Plants in this family are mustard, broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, etc. No relation to corn. I worked in health care foodservice, and one year of my college education was dedicated to institutional dietetics and nutrition in a healthcare or school setting.

Thanks Lottie!!!

 

I'm not sure if I can eat corn, I think I'll try it again.

I've got to start eating more, I have so many restrictions it just sucks.

Trying to fix my gut and I feel like the acid reflux is worse.

Ranitidine is not helping.

Aloe Vera Juice was an issue - reacted to it - so $20 bucks went down the drain.

Man, maybe we don't heal until we are off.

 

Hugs

Winnie

Thanks Lottie!!!

 

I'm not sure if I can eat corn, I think I'll try it again.

I've got to start eating more, I have so many restrictions it just sucks.

Trying to fix my gut and I feel like the acid reflux is worse.

Ranitidine is not helping.

Aloe Vera Juice was an issue - reacted to it - so $20 bucks went down the drain.

Man, maybe we don't heal until we are off.

 

Hugs

Winnie

 

Well, if corn is an issue, you'll want to avoid corn oil, but Canola oil is okay. I know about restricted diet. Mine is either plain chicken or fish, a potato or rice, and a veggie. I never tried the Aloe juice, too costly with my fixed income. I take two PepzinGI in the am, about 15 minutes before the morning bowl of oatmeal and 1 20 mg of Famotidine. Around 11 - 11:30 am, I take another 20 mg Famotidine. 20 minutes before my early afternoon dinner, I chew one DGL tablet, 5 minutes later I take the Seeking Health DAO. If I get reflux coming up my throat, I slowly dissolve a Planetary Herbals Slippery Elm Lozenge. I take another DGL tablet 20 minutes before a light evening supper/snack of mozzarella cheese and fruit. Later, I eat a cup of Rice Chex. It's not perfect, but is working for me. I don't think my histamine issue is as bad, there is a thread someone started for people with histamine problems and/or MCAS.

 

Can you get Famotidine? Ranitidine is an older H2 blocker, and is known for more side effects. Famotidine has few side effects, it hasn't bothered me at least, but Ranitidine does. I also take Loratadine in the am for allergies. I just keep the H1 and H2 blockers dosed far earlier than the main meal I use the DAO at.

 

I hope you can find a solution that works for you, and gives you relief. 

 

Thanks Lottie

 

Yes, POTS dr gave me a script for Famotidine to try.

I still have to fill that.

I hate taking all these drugs though, as they all block DAO even more.

Your diet sounds like mine, lol

Although, I had the worst reaction to salmon the other night and I'd been okay with salmon while just on ativan.

 

Man, I just want off this poison.

 

It's hard to get in all the calories that I need with this diet.

I eat cheese and natural peanut butter to fill up on calories.

They probably aren't good either for me, but I have to eat.

 

thanks again,

Winnie

Winnie, I love cheese, but aged cheese is high in histamine. Mozzarella is the only one low, because it's not aged. Fermented/cultured cheeses like cottage and ricotta are also high in histamine. 

 

I see mixed reviews on peanut butter, some lists say it's a no no, others say it's okay. If it isn't bothering you, well you know. So dig in the spoon and eat up. 

haha!!!

 

Yes, 4 tbsp is a ton of calories!

 

I know about the cheese! I can only do Bergeron Classique from Costco, no wonder, I just looked it up, it's Canadian and lactose free

I don't know why, but I can eat this and some cream cheese.

 

I follow the SIGHI list, it's pretty accurate for me, but I also have some oral allergies going on as welll, thank goodness I hate cottage and ricotta cheese.

 

But I love the rest and miss it terribly. I tried a young gouda and it wasn't good, too much lactose.

 

I'm in pain every time I eat, for hours.

 

It's just terrible.

 

Thanks for listening Lottie, I've missed you, but the time away was good, I was feeling better.

I also had a strong reaction to my second Moderna shot, so that's probably still impacting me a bit, not quite two weeks.

 

Winnie

 

I'm so glad to see this thread progressing; BenzoLottie has a lot to share and I'm glad she's back with us lately. You too Winnie!

 

I'm going to have to get back to you all tomorrow with tales of strange foods. I have been on restrictive diets since I was 21yo; in fact my 21st birthday I was on a fast called the Master Cleanse, no solid foods for 10 days. I had been slowly learning about Weston A. Price and nutrient dense foods, and hoping it would be the solution to 6+ years of gastic issues through highschool and college... well, it didn't work. Instead the proceeding fall as I was traveling California and sick to the gills, I consulted a nutritionalist who for the princely sum of $90 told me the solution that had cured his cancer! Sending me on an unexpected path...

 

This is a cliffhanger. My mental health is sort of running around the sink drain right now; I'll be back soon. Love to you both.

Thanks SS

 

I can't wait for the rest of the story....as they say!

 

Mentally, I'm in bad shape too.

the pain has got me down, and the headaches are so bad they take hold and I can't think or talk.

I worry about my girls and I'm quite upset I can't mother them

To think that this all really started 15 years ago for me, when I had a very rare twin pregnancy, identical and almost conjoined.

I had to go inpatient to save the one twin we knew would make it, guess what, they gave me Ativan to sleep.

I got sent home with nothing and was fine, but I did have weird medical issues come up over the next few years, but we thought it was the grief from loosing our one twin.

Had weird allergies, had bad asthma, bad memory - I blamed it on mommy brain.

Weird teeth and gum issues out of nowhere.

HR would go really high when exercising.

I seriously was a ticking time bomb, so when I took the antibiotics this spring, I literally felt crazy, I now think it was like what others feel here having to take antibiotics after they are off or tapering.

Anyway, that led to complete insomnia, high HR and then the Ativan.

I can trace it all back.

Then came the colonoscopy, at the same hospital that saved our one daughter, has now taken me from her.

I can't even do any kind of therapy or employ any of the techniques that I learned after years of doing it, as I can't even speak for long I'm in so much pain.

 

Anyway, I go on and on, but I seriously think that this is why I'm having such a hard time getting off and the bad reaction to the antibiotics - no dr will believe me, except my awesome POTS dr.

 

I digress, I look forward to your story and your diet, because I'm in so much pain from eating, I need to do something.

 

Hugs to you both!

 

We will get there and survive somehow.

 

Winnie 

 

PS. my lovely 15 year old daughter is what keeps me going, she is so strong! The 18 year old daughter has already left for school in her mind! I missed the last 1.5 years with her, I will never forgive myself!

slownsteady, I'm in and out, depending on what's going on with my life. And I'm only cutting .25 off my morning 1 mg Valium dose. Hoping to be rid of the am dose by September, then I'll have reached the halfway point of my taper. 10 mg done, 10 mg to go. I'm going slow and low for now as I work through the stress, and deal with the Summer weather. It's hot, it rains, the barometer goes all over the place; all those things are making tapering hard. My Peer support suggested the .25 cut, my Psych NP agreed. It's pretty small, my Peer said I'm unlikely to feel much. 

 

Winnie, it's good to take breaks. That's why I curtailed my presence. If you don't see me much, it's because I need time away. When I feel up to it, I try to check in. Sometimes my Autism causes me to become overwhelmed, so then I have to pull back. 

I understand BenzoLottie; I'm glad you're putting your self-care first. I'm approaching my half-way point too! Slow and steady sounds great  ; I learned more about what you're managing with your diet description, so I understand a little more about how limited you may be at times. I hope the 0.25mg cuts will be tolerable; I think at your overall dose, they really "should" be, but I'm praying for you.

 

Winnie, I'm sorry to hear how much you've had to struggle through; I can't understand losing a child in the least, but I did get fired from a kindergarten position once suddenly and I lost 15 or so kindergarten-age friends that I loved and cared for daily, and it was devastating. Health is so mysterious to me; I have never been able to put my finger on it. Instead I've settled for slowly learning attitude adjustments, and then trying to keep everything else in some middle-ground of functionality. I know so much may feel up in the air right now, but it sounds like you've got your long-term memory working well at least! 

 

I'm going to cut, paste and edit a post I wrote back in March, just to save my fingers...

 

I had colic as a child, weird stomach problems growing up (I was being abused, and the terror sort of lives in my gut), then on Adderal my digestive system went haywire (IBS, no cure in sight). Eight years of Adderal and anti-depressants and I quit all meds at 21, and attempted to figure out "health food". Weston Price, macrobiotic, vegan, etc, but I just kept getting sicker and sicker. At a point I was traveling in Cali, and I spent a week or so just horribly sick, and a man at the farm I was at referred me to a nutritionist he liked. I paid a fee and had a chat. The nutritionist pitched an all raw diet, including raw meats; he said it cured him of terminal cancer.

 

After a few days of fasting, I switched to this diet. My first meal was raw eggs, kefir and unheated honey. It was weird and soupy, but for the first time in memory, I ate a meal and felt "satiated". I didn't have sugar cravings, or indigestion, or even really think about food for four more hours. That was a new experience!

 

I've since then eaten dietary variations with raw meats (eggs, beef, chicken, pork, deer, organs), raw fruits, unheated honey, raw dairy (usually just raw butter), vegetable juices, and small amounts of cooked starches, for over a decade now. If you're concerned about parasites and other things, I don't blame you; the "common knowledge" is that the diet I eat is unsafe. Yet hundreds (if not thousands) of people eat similarly, I've eaten thousands and thousands of raw eggs, hundreds and hundreds of pounds of raw meat including pork, and I've only felt better for it.

 

Twice, very recently I've tried cooked meat diets, since my mental health has continued to be an obstacle in my life and I don't hold to my diet dogmatically. I ate GAPS (a low-carb, high fat diet, and high histamine it turns out) for 2+ years, as it promised to cure ADD and other mental health issues, and more recently when I was extremely sick from a severe THC overdose, for about eight months I just ate whatever my wife could make easily (usually a chicken-rice porridge, oatmeal, and roasted chicken variations with fermented or steamed vegetables). Both experiences seem to have led to decreasing health, especially gut/brain health, inflammation, and the increasing need for nutritional supplements. On these more conventional diets, my mental health symptoms became increasing physical health problems, such as fibromyaglia, chronic inflammation, and chronic fatigue.

 

As I realized the emergency of my second failed benzo taper, losing 5lbs in just about 5 days (I was only 128 to begin with), and being told by numerous doctors I had mast cell activation that was causing chronic inflammation in my brain and body (one claiming encephalitis was likely)... I went back to my old tricks. Raw meats, raw vegetable juices, unheated honey, and raw fruits.

 

All I can say is, it's been six months now back on the raw basics and I'm doing a lot better. I eat a pound or so of raw organic meat a day; it can be expensive. I buy expensive honey and pasture raised eggs. But over all it's not looking much more expensive than the basic diet of organic cooked foods I was eating before; I spend about as much as my wife who eats healthy but more conventional meals. I've gained back my 5lbs and a couple more easily.

 

Digestion isn't magic for me now, by any means; I still store a LOT of stress in my gut, but it's manageable and I don't have the headaches, the rashes or the lymph drainage anywhere near what I've had in the past on cooked diets.

 

My usually daily meal plan is extremely simple, so I'll just tell you it if you're curious: mangoes or cantaloupe; 6 raw eggs, honey, and berries smoothie; lemon marinated raw chicken and an avocado with honey; raw ground beef mixed with MCT oil, honey, a little salt, and sometimes cinnamon. Rinse and repeat.

 

I don't in any way advocate this diet; I don't feel qualified to do anything more than tell my story, and express that I keep coming back to raw meats as a way to feed my body under stress. Ideally I would not be under so much stress, I'd have the gut-biome to handle cooked foods, and I'd enjoy more freedom of travel and eating and ease of digestion. After decades of trials, I'm starting to settle for just easy digestion, tasty meals, and decent physical health.

 

I still have dysbiosis; I think I've had it since I was about 7yo. Treating the dysbiosis is an interesting new prospect, and I'm trialing betaine HCL and looking to trial psyllium powder and maybe a really gentle probiotic like Sac B; all very slowly, and all at minimal doses. I believe there is a VERY strong emotional component to my digestion issues, and whenever I rock the boat, there is an emotional shift that is necessary. So slowly does it!

 

I hope this was interesting and the wait was worth it. Weird but true. 

Thanks so much SS!!

 

Yes, that is a radical diet, I commend you for doing it - I would not be that brave!

 

I'm sorry for all your past difficulties. Life can be so hard sometimes.

My youngest has ADHD and we are choosing not to medicate her at the moment, she doesn't want to be.

What did help her a lot was Neurofeedback, it helped me too, but that was before this benzo situation.

 

Be careful of the Betaine HCL, I read the other day on here that it was a benzo agonist - I don't know if that's true, but maybe that's why I had issue taking it etc.

 

I'm even stopping the pancreatic enzymes I'm taking as I don't think they were helping.

 

I still need to figure out this crappy acid reflux and constipation, I also have a small hiatal hernia.

 

I was trying to avoid meds, but not sure I can now.

 

I've got to do something, as I'm not doing very well.

I'm tapering the Ativan very slowly, 0.002 mg per day, and even that is rough, I guess that is too much.

 

I feel stuck and I don't know how to get out of this situation.

I hope I make it out alive.

 

I'm going to be taking a long break from here - too much toxic drama!

 

So I will be back on when I'm feeling better and maybe have some tapering questions.

 

Hugs to you both!! 

 

Winnie

I understand Winnie about your need to take time away from the forum. Thank you for your reply to my story, and for the insight to look around about betaine HCL on the forum.

 

I hope you find a way forward towards greater ease and joy in your life; I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. I will be praying for you!