Dear buddies,
A few years ago I took Oxazepam (short half life, very common in Europe) for sleep for two months. I used it on and off to sleep before. I noticed in this period that I felt worse in the late afternoon. Like really tense and anxious. I know now this is interdose withdrawal and a warning sign that you are developing dependancy. I tapered relatively quickly and thought that was that. I did not know that after every taper using benzo's again can quickly 'wake' the dependancy again (kindling) and that's why I continued to use it twice a month if I had problems sleeping. I started having longer periods of not sleeping well and used it more frequently then, but never daily. I thought this would keep dependancy in control. I guess I also had rebound insomnia in this period.
Recently I had a lot of stress at work and my anxiety spiked. My doctor immediately gave me some Oxazepam. In no time I began to feel worse. I tried not to take the Oxazepam, but in a few weeks I was taking them daily again and I started to feel worse in late afternoon. I realised the interdose withdrawal was back. I forgot about that! My anxiety started going through the roof and i read about 'kindling' for the first time. I tried to stop CT. This went well at first, but I started again a few days later until I read about kindling and realised that benzo's were definitely making me feel worse. Again. I stopped CT again on the 13th of April. I slept well on the 14th of April, had a bad day the 15th and did not sleep that night at all. I also had a strange nightmare.
After that it got better until I had three sleepless nights in six days starting the 9th of May. I am not sure if this was still withdrawal, but I started a very strict light restricting regime in the evening (even wearing sunglasses) and started taking supplements. Fish oil, a green multi, magnesium, Vit. C and a probiotic. I cut out coffee, alcohol and sugar and started walking an hour a day. My symptoms in this perod where diarrhea (sorry TMI), a strange rash on my back, depression and a lot of tension. I also remember I could not stand sound or moving images on t.v. Even watching Modern Family was to much. And my head felt weird. But I did not take a benzo for sleep and did nothing to fight it and after three sleepless nights in a week, my sleep started to get better.
It's been almost three months since this period and I feel a lot better. I started a AD to help with sleep and mood. I can work a few hours a day now and I started therapy to handle myself better. Also I saw some docs to help with issues after I had Covid twice (presumably) and I am trying to practice deep breathing. I still take supplements. I am not symptom free though. I still have tension. I guess I still have waves but also a lot more windows. Overall I definitely enjoy life again. I still wonder if I really developed dependency in such a short time and if it really was the reason I started feeling worse even though I took time for myself to get some rest. I guess in life you can never be 100% sure, but it def. did not help.
I wish everybody tapering and reading this lots of luck. One day you will write a similar story. Hug!
