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Its been 4 years now....I've been set free


[Ry...]

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It’s been four years today since I ended a rapid taper from Clonazepam. It makes me sad to think back on the horrors I went through. It truly was hell. I am PROUD to say now that I have moved on with my life. I don’t come around BB anymore because it’s just hard to relive it. I’m posting this success story as a way of moving on and also to give hope to others. I remember frantically reading story after story just to get a few seconds of peace and hope. With this, I hope to give back and help anyone going through this mess.

 

I’m not going to get too detailed, but it took me a few years to get back to what I consider ‘normal’. The first year was straight hell. After that, the progress began for me. It moved so slowly that it was hard to really tell. I thought for sure, I had permanent damage, but I am here to say that it was not permanent. I’m fine. I go out, go to the gym, enjoy socializing, play a round of golf per week and somehow maintained my marriage and job through this ordeal. I’ve come out on the other side.

 

I was a relatively short term user. Around a year I think. I was over prescribed by a doctor and I was just naïve at what I was getting into. I’ve always struggled with sleep. It’s just hard for me to settle my thoughts some nights. When I took the first benzo to sleep, I thought it was amazing. Wow! No more insomnia!.....Like I said, Naïve. After months of use, I started to encounter the fog and my intellectual capacity was declining rapidly. I visited my Dr. and said I want off. According to him, it was as easy as a 2-week taper. Well, that turned out to be bullshit. I think I stretched it out to a month long taper and that put me into a tailspin. I had just about every symptom people talk about here. Early on, the most prevalent were extreme insomnia, stomach pains, anxiety, depression, and depersonalization. The longest lasting symptom was depersonalization. I spent several years with no concept of time or place, with a dash of not feeling, connecting and just emotionless. Wouldn’t wish that shit on anyone. I’m fine now. All of that is gone.

 

Some things to avoid:

Alcohol. Its common knowledge here, but it’s true. I had a 4-5 month setback from having two beers one night. Don’t drink until you are better. I can drink now and I don’t get any negative rebound or issues from alcohol.

 

Use BB in the beginning to figure out that you are not crazy and not alone. After that, take breaks. Use it sparingly. Eventually taking longer and longer breaks until you no longer come here. It’s a double edged sword. Its good in a way, but also it can create fear and obsessiveness.

 

Things that helped me:

 

Early on, I spoke to a counselor once a week. It took a few different counselors before I found one that fit. She didn’t think I was crazy and just listened to me rant about how I thought this was permanent and she reassured me that it was not. Really, it just gave my wife a break of listening to my shit, so I paid this lady to listen. Haha

 

Exercise. I cannot stress enough how much exercise and eating healthy will help you. Do it when you can and stick to it. Mostly, my windows came during or as a result of exercise.

 

Learn something new. I started playing the guitar during this and that helped me to escape and also helped me realize I could learn a new skill and that I was not beyond repair. I 100% believe that withdrawal depatterns some neural pathways. Recovery is sort of a chance to rebuild those pathways. Learn something new, get into a routine, and look at this process as a second chance to form your adult mentality.

 

Marijuana. I hadn’t smoked in years, and decided to give it a try. Weed helped me sleep, and allowed my brain to just relax. I highly recommend MMJ in recovery. I also started playing video games. Hadn't played them since college, but it became a great escape...in moderation.

 

To those of you in the thick of it, just know this all goes away. You will feel better. You will get better. I don’t come around here often so if I don’t respond to you, please do not take it personally. Peace.

 

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Thank you for sharing.  Giving hope to those of us who have lingering symptoms after a setback.  Wishing you joy, peace and love for your life.  :-*
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Thank you for your post, Ryan.

 

I got a lot of comfort from reading it. Your suggestions are really interesting and it is so comforting to know that the ruthlessness of obsessive thinking has lifted. 

 

 

Bancha

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We're so grateful you came back to write your success story, you know how important they are, they were my lifeline too.  Thank you for outlining what helped and what didn't, I agree with everything you mentioned.

 

Well done and thank you, you've helped many today.  :smitten:

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What a wonderful Success Story, thank you so much for coming back and posting it. Our members need these reassurances that withdrawal is not permanent and that a return to a normal life is possible. 

 

Enjoy your benzo free life of wellness, my congratulations to you.

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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Ryano, thanks for posting.  I'm about 17 months off myself right now and am struggling after a couple weeks of feeling decent.  Stories like yours help me to keep hope and keep going. 

 

Max

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Hey Max. I remember many waves and windows. I can personally say that it’s true what is commonly said here, the waves get shorter and the windows get longer. That’s the big picture but while in the middle of it all, it just seems to never progress all that much. I’m here to say that it does get better so hang in there.
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I am only 7 weeks into my taper but I already want it to be over. I appreciate your post and affirmation that it does get better. Thank you for thinking  of us and coming back to post.

 

My best to you! Enjoy your healed life!

 

HM

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Thank you so much for this and I’m glad this is all behind you. Can you explain how your DPDR and numbness left?
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Congratulations! What an amazing story.

 

Was there a point where the symptoms weren’t so intense, and became more of a nuisance as opposed to being so incredibly difficult to deal with 24/7?

 

Congratulations again. I’m so happy for you.

 

Jim

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Hey Max. I remember many waves and windows. I can personally say that it’s true what is commonly said here, the waves get shorter and the windows get longer. That’s the big picture but while in the middle of it all, it just seems to never progress all that much. I’m here to say that it does get better so hang in there.

 

will try my best, thanks again

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Thank you so much for this and I’m glad this is all behind you. Can you explain how your DPDR and numbness left?

 

DP/DR was one of my most stubborn symptoms. That, along with weird vision & eye floaters seemed to linger the longest. I can’t say how, other than just over time. It did get better. I don’t experience DP/DR anymore. I recall doing a quick pause, focusing my vision, and attempting to be present. That little exercise helped to get some relief. Really I think DPDR improves when anxiety lowers, but I’m no doctor.

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Thanks for sharing. How long did it take for you to heal completely?

 

Hard to put an exact date or time frame on it. I’d say sometime during the last 12 months.

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Congratulations! What an amazing story.

 

Was there a point where the symptoms weren’t so intense, and became more of a nuisance as opposed to being so incredibly difficult to deal with 24/7?

 

Congratulations again. I’m so happy for you.

 

Jim

 

Absolutely. Everything waxes and wanes over time.

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Hi, just wanted to make sure I read it right; you are now able to drink alcohol again? How did you know when you were ready? I would appreciate a response, your story today is what I needed! Thank you!
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Hi, just wanted to make sure I read it right; you are now able to drink alcohol again? How did you know when you were ready? I would appreciate a response, your story today is what I needed! Thank you!

 

I am able to drink again. Honestly, I didn't know I was ready. I drank the first time and had a major setback. The next go around, I was feeling mostly healed so I started with small amounts to see if it had any negative affects. I worked up to a whole drink from there. I still don't drink a lot and certainly not to get drunk. I will have a beer or two on the golf course and enjoy that just fine.

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Were you unable to exercise for awhile/unable to exert yourself? This is my one major remaining symptom and was just curious if you encountered this or not. If this symptom would go away then this chapter of my life would be closed.
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Were you unable to exercise for awhile/unable to exert yourself? This is my one major remaining symptom and was just curious if you encountered this or not. If this symptom would go away then this chapter of my life would be closed.

 

I had extreme fatigue early on and was not able to exercise because of that. I eventually got to a place where, despite still having some general fatigue, I was able to push through. Over time, I had no issues with exercise.

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Were you unable to exercise for awhile/unable to exert yourself? This is my one major remaining symptom and was just curious if you encountered this or not. If this symptom would go away then this chapter of my life would be closed.

 

I had extreme fatigue early on and was not able to exercise because of that. I eventually got to a place where, despite still having some general fatigue, I was able to push through. Over time, I had no issues with exercise.

 

Thanks. Doesn’t sound like the issue I have unfortunately. I just hope I will be able to workout again without fear of setbacks.

 

Glad to see you made it on the other side.

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Thanks for sharing. How long did it take for you to heal completely?

 

Hard to put an exact date or time frame on it. I’d say sometime during the last 12 months.

 

Thanks for your response. I am 2 1/2 years off but still have some lingering symptoms. I am really really really hoping that I can see noticeable improvement in year three! Your story gives me hope. Congrats On putting the nightmare behind you!

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Its always so good to see a new success story!! I needed this today. Thank you so much for taking the time to come back and encourage us!  :thumbsup:
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Congratulations on your healing!

It is a great support for those of us who continue to suffer, that you write vuedtras history of healing. just like you, I live on them.

I just turned 42 months benzodiazepine free, and I have so much anxiety and neck and shoulder pain and stomach problems that I can't see the end of the tunnel.

I haven't had a single window. It is very difficult.

Enjoy life, I hope to do it in a not too distant time.

thank you again :smitten:

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